2022-2023 AFC Preview (Completely Ignorant Edition)

Introduction

Hey, guys. So, uh, what’s up? I know what you’re thinking. You walk out of our lives for 4 months and then just come back with a, “Hey, guys. So, uh, what’s up?” and expect us to put everything behind and read your 2022-2023 AFC Preview? What’s next? Your 2022-2023 NFC Preview. Well, forget it. It will take more than that to get us back in your good graces.

I get it. Plus, this latest comeback confuses you even more. The four months I disappeared are summer. Those are usually the months that I promise you that I will build momentum and keep the page alive through the beginning of the school year. And, yet, complete radio silence there and the return post during the insanity of the beginning of the school year.

Who knows? Maybe this Uno Reverse card of a relaunch (actual relaunch still pending) will be just the push I need to make this stupid page actually happen after all these years. It remains to be seen. For now, enjoy the 2022-2023 AFC Preview!

The Madness in my Method

I searched for an “NFL Schedule Simulator” and clicked on the first link that Google returned. I then used that app to try to figure out the result of each game. At first, I only picked the winner and loser. I, then, in the interest of journalistic integrity, inputted a score for each game. I wanted to be as accurate as possible if the page took into account scores for tiebreakers. It didn’t, but those are the lengths I’m willing to go in order to bring quality content to this page.

AFC East

Buffalo Bills ( 15-2): We write and read this already armed with the knowledge that the Bills absolutely demolished the Super Bowl champions in the Thursday season opener. Even so, I like this Bills team a lot. I started to jump on the bandwagon a couple of years ago and that playoff game last year against the Chiefs cemented my man crush.

New England Patriots (7-9-1): I picked the Steelers/Patriots game early in the season as a tie. I think the Steelers tied one game twice in the last five seasons. I think last year or the year before, they came within seconds of getting a second tie. I figured an early season game against the Pats offered the best chance for this year. Oh, you thought I would actually analyze this dumpster fire of a team? I’m just enjoying the slow decline of both Brady and the Pats.

Miami Dolphins (6-11): This one hurts. I like Tua. He won my heart when he came into relief in that National Championship game and threw that touchdown in overtime. Hell, my love for Tua extended out to become a fan of Alabama. That goes against everything I stand for as a fan. So, to watch him struggle so much in the NFL hurts. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t see things ending well for him.

New York Jets (0-17): Goodness. I couldn’t find a single win for the Jets on their schedule? I even got to the point where I just made every terrible team vs. terrible team match up 17-14 and I didn’t even give them 17 in any of those games? Well, enjoy the undisputed first pick in the draft, Jets fans. Can’t wait to see who you boo next year before they’ve even played a down.

AFC West

Kansas City Chiefs (15-2): For the first half of the season, I picked the Chiefs to go undefeated. Not until their first game against the Chargers did I pick them to lose. That put the Chargers in first for much of the second half of the season until the Chiefs beat them in the second game. If all of that actually happens, it will be fun as hell to watch.

Los Angeles Chargers (15-2): Hey, I actually called them the LA Chargers the first time. Obviously, you can’t know if that’s true or not, but I don’t lie often and when I do, I admit it. It absolutely tickles me that Herbert and Mahomes set us up for a decade of amazing quarterback play in this division. Along with Allen and hopefully Pickett (I know, I know), the NFL is in good hands.

Las Vegas Raiders (8-9): Wow, I must be getting the hang of this NFL thing. I put the Chargers in LA and the Raiders in Las Vegas. Pretty damn amazing if I say so myself. Can you tell I’m stalling because I can’t figure out what to say about the Raiders? No, well, look over there!

Denver Broncos (5-12): “Quarter Billion Dollar Man”, Russell Wilson and I have the Broncos in last place in the division. I might be very wrong about this. Even Simmons and Sal showed some faith in the Broncos. If I am still active on this page in February, let’s revisit this pick at least.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens (15-2): Now that I look at this one, I may just have lost my mind. Sure, the Ravens find ways to win games every year, but 15-2? I need to go lie down.

Cincinnati Bengals (13-4): The Ravens 2 games better than the Bengals? On par with LA, KC, and Buffalo? I promise to still be active in February to come back and revisit this article. Cincinnati may have gotten lucky last year to make it to the Super Bowl, but they are good on both sides of the ball.

Pittsburgh Steelers (8-8-1): Chris and I talked a bit about the Steelers last week at the Red Sox game for his bachelor party. He mentioned something about Trubisky being the starter. Honestly, this year, that’s the right call. As it often is, our offensive line is abysmal and I don’t want them killing poor Kenny Pickett before he even gets a chance.

Cleveland Browns (4-13): I admit over the last two seasons to growing fond of the Browns. As a Steelers fan, I swore a blood oath in the womb to hate them, but I like Baker. Well, the blood oath is back on. They did Baker dirty and then signed “alleged” sexual assaulter Deshaun Watson.

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts (10-7): When I started the article, I was going to write something about the standings being top heavy. Granted, only the South serves as a counter example, but it only takes one to make the statement false. I advocate for sending this entire division to Europe and this year is no different.

Tennessee Titans (7-10): The Titans had the best record in the (National Football) league last year. There is bound to be a fall off, but it probably won’t be as drastic as this. Nevertheless, I only found 7 wins for the Titans this year.

Houston Texans (5-12) and Jacksonville Jaguars (3-14): I just can’t do this anymore. These two teams broke me. Time to wrap this article up.

The Verdict on 2022-2023 AFC Preview

Thanks for reading my 2022-2023 AFC Preview article. As of right now, I have no plans for keeping the page alive other than occasional NFL content, but I will take some time over the next couple of days to come up with some ideas.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).