Completely Ignorant 2019 NFC Preview

Introduction

Two for two! Welcome to the 2 Generations Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. I stated during my AFC Preview that I hoped it would lead to something. I haven’t gone back to read my preview from last year, but I may have said the same thing then. Apparently, I made it to Week 7 last year before I finally gave up the ghost on my picks last year. This year, I’ll shoot for at least midseason!

In doing some research by reading my older posts, I saw that I picked the divisional order for the teams last year. I also used pithy nicknames for some of the teams. Well, none of that this year. We are professionals! Technically not, since I haven’t gotten paid, but I could be! If you’re listening, I’m listening.

NFC East (Old guys like me talk about this as the best division in football. That confuses youngsters.)

Dallas Cowboys – Last year I made a joke that could have been construed as sexist by calling this team the Cowgirls. Yesterday, Chris and I were talking about how to make the page more relevant and I came up with the idea of thinly veiled racism and misogyny. I do believe that qualifies.

New York Giants – What do you mean, you wanted me to talk about the Cowboys? Dak wants 40 million a year and he will probably get it because Jerry Jones is old and he wants to win another Super Bowl before he dies. What more can I say? Economics in the NFL are just as screwed up in real life.

Philadelphia Eagles – The Giants? Really? Now, I know you’re putting me on. Nobody wants to hear a thing about the Giants. They’re wasting Saquan Barkley’s prime years by propping up the corpse of Eli Manning at QB. Plus, they traded his best weapon to Cleveland in the offseason. Eff outta here. Nobody wants to talk about the Giants.

Washington *redacted* – Okay, I will talk about Philly. They are the only team in this division that has a realistic chance of doing anything this year. Especially now that Carson Wentz is back and playing. *checks notes* What’s this? He’s hurt again? Not really, but you were about to Google it, weren’t you. Plus, talking about the Eagles means that I don’t have to talk about the team in our nation’s capital with the racist nickname.

NFC West (This division is starting to look like the AFC East with the Rams and 3 relegation teams)

Arizona Cardinals – I think the joke has run its course. That’s good because I seriously don’t want to even give Washington a joke preview. It’s unfortunate news because I have nothing to say about Arizona. Uh, Kyler Murray is the next Patrick Mahomes? Yeah, keep telling yourself that Cardinals fans.

Los Angeles Rams – Bill Simmons was very high on the Rams this year. I can’t figure out if that’s genuine or he’s just trying to reverse jinx them. I’m not sure why it would be the latter. They showed last year that the copy is never quite as sharp as the original when they laid that egg in the Super Bowl. Maybe he got an advance copy of the script and knows the NFL is going to their all to push this Rams/Saints rivalry.

San Francisco 49ers – The 49ers are still in San Francisco, right? For some reason, I feel like they’ve moved to another part of California. That seems to be the chic thing to do out there in the sunshine state. No, still San Fran? Well, okay. The hype train has left ol’ Jimmy G-sus in favor of some new and actually talented hotness.

Seattle Seahawks – I’ve probably told this story before. However, here it is again for new readers. Many years ago a friend and I were discussing the NFL and he said something about the Seattle team. With no irony, I replied, “Seattle has a football team?” And this was even before my hipster interest in the MLS where I would have mistaken them for the Sounders.

NFC North (Berman used to call this the Norris, but he’s retired, so I’m stealing his gag.)

Chicago Bears – You’re right. I didn’t talk about Seattle. I’m not going to talk about them here, either. That’s what you get for not having a football team, Seattle. Okay, that was a low blow. They’re still stinging from losing the Sonics and now I’m taking away the Seahawks. What, the Bears? They had one of the best defenses in years and squandered it with tandem running backs and Mitch Trubisky at QB. Shut up about the Bears.

Detroit Lions – In the interest of full disclosure and also to reveal a bit about how my thought process works, let me tell you the tale of Matthew Stafford. Matthew Stafford is the starting quarterback for the Detroit Lions. Both last year and this year when his name came up in The Ringer NFC preview, I texted Chris, “Matthew Stafford is still in the league?” The end.

Green Bay Packers – So, to piggy back on that last statement about texting with Chris, he texted me something about Max Kellerman (I think, all those pundit guys are the same person to me) saying, “Aaron Rodgers is the GOAT, but he’s not the best of all time”. It’s those sorts of stupid statements that make me wonder how I’m not doing this for a living. As Chris said, “Maybe we’re just not dumb enough.”

Minnesota Vikings – So, I put the Tampa Bay Bucanners in this spot. Never mind my questionable grasp of geography. What does that say about both the Vikings and Tampa Bay? I mean, I guess Minnesota might make a run at something in this division? But, Tampa Bay has no chance. I don’t care what Simmons says.

NFC South (Maybe we can move Tampa with Jacksonville to London)

Atlanta Falcons – Hey, I knew the Falcons were first in this division without even looking it up! Maybe I’m not “completely” ignorant of football. I’m also on board the Matt Ryan bandwagon that they have boarding at the beginning of the season. This could be a big year for Matty Ice.

Carolina Panthers – I did have to look up that the Panthers came next. So, my knowledge of the NFC South only goes one team deep. The Panthers tend to have a weird on again/off again success loop between even and odd years. This is an odd year. However, can Cam Newton even throw a football anymore? He’s in Peyton Manning territory with the shoulder surgeries.

New Orleans Saints – I know the Saints seem snake bitten. However, I’m picking them as my “it” team this year. Maybe that’s exactly why I’m picking them. I like to go against the grain so that I look like a genius when the unexpected happens. Granted, picking the Saints to be good isn’t that off the grid, but there are some rumblings about Drew Brees being old. So, maybe I’ll get to shout “Take that, haters!” at some of the talking heads.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Simmons was also really high on the Bucs. This one made no sense to me. Jameis Winston is still their quarterback, right? And, when he sucks again, Fitzmagic isn’t even there to fake everyone out for a game or two. I almost find that pick more offensive than the Kellerman quote. He must have gotten an advance copy of the script.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading 2 Guys Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. This conference feels a bit more wide open than the AFC. Unlike the AFC where the Pats (Eff the Pats) are a clear favorite, it could be the Rams, Falcons, or Saints by my measure. I just hope that it doesn’t end with a screw job like last year.

That makes me perhaps more excited to watch the NFC this year than the AFC. Sure the AFC has Mahomes and Baker, but the NFC has Brees and Ryan. Their two games this year could score 250 to 300 points cumulative. I also made the comment that unless the LA Rams throw 75 times a game, their receivers aren’t going to be fantasy studs this year. Someone replied, “They very well could.” Bring on the season.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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