Currently Playing…Vol.8

punch out title

Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out (NES) The other night I popped this classic  into my NES, not really intending to play it, but because I was working on the setup in my game room and wanted to make sure that all of my consoles were working. Right from the opening bell on the title screen I was hooked. I sat down and muttered to myself, “Just Glass Joe, then I’ll get back to finishing up my project.” Approximately 35 minutes later I was staring at my old nemesis, Soda Popinski. This guy used to absolutely beat the brakes off of me when I was a kid. Yes, that’s right; I’m ashamed to admit it but I have never beaten Punch-Out. I hated him and you better believe I hated that stupid ******* laugh of his whenever he would knock me down. With my project now completely forgotten, I eagerly pressed “Start” so I could show him what the 34 year old me was capable of.  Right off the bat, I hit him straight in his eggplant-looking head with a couple jumping right hands, earning myself a super punch. Jumping the gun, I hit “Start” and wind up the super punch looking to put him and his red underoos on the mat where that punk belongs. Instead, he smashes me with a huge uppercut and a hook dropping me like a bag of crap. I rapidly hit the A+B buttons and drag myself up off of the mat. Ok, I need to regroup; if I just get the timing down I’ll beat him like he stole something. That “something” clearly being my pride. Again he goes with the same uppercut that started the knockdown sequence. This time I move to the side and proceed to smash the snot out of him, another missed uppercut leads to another snot-smashing and then it happens; he goes down. On the count of “5” he starts to get up and falls back down. I’m going to win! I finally did it! I’ve won! I…damn, he got back up at “8”. Ok. Let’s do this. I hit him with 2 more jumping rights and earn another super punch. He fires 3 jabs in a row and I deftly dodge them and wind up with my hard-earned super punch..and the bell rings. A barrage of expletives flies out of my mouth. “Ok, this fight isn’t getting out of the 2nd round”, I mutter. He chugs his soda and the fight is back on. I immediately jump up and hit him getting another super punch. He throws his hook and I move to the wrong side, catching it straight in the ol’ food hole. Ok, ok, that’s alri..damn, another mistimed feint and Mac is now pink as an uppercut finds its mark. Sh*t, I’m flustered as my timing is now completely gone which leads to me ending up on the canvas again. No big deal, it’s only the first knockdown of this round. I jam on the A+B buttons once again..but this time nothing happens. I’m out. Another string of expletives falls out of my mouth as I stare at the screen, not believing that after 25 years, I still can’t beat this guy. He takes the center of the ring and laughs at me as I talk myself out of launching my Nintendo controller through my new TV. Well, I was right; it didn’t get out of the 2nd round. God, I love this game.

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