(Editor’s Note: Be on the lookout for a “Help Wanted” sign on a tavern door near you. It could be these guys and if you want to keep living, you’ll just walk on by. That’s not a threat. It’s a warning.)
I wrote an article recently about Dungeons and Dragons. In the article, I mentioned that a current friend and I were reaching out to other friends in an attempt to get a group together to play on the Roll 20 website. Making this happen has proven to be more difficult than anticipated. Who knew that coordinating the schedules of 6 adults scattered across the country would not be easy? Certainly not this foolishly eternal optimist.
This is an adventure that can only be told in the epic rhymed couplet style of Homer. No, that doesn’t sound right. It’s Tolkien. Who can forget the classic line,
“If you touch my precious,
then I will stick my knife into your fleshes.”
Hey, I said it was epic, not good. Now to listen to our own bard’s tale.
Six heroes assemble, brave and true.
But why? or what? or who?
Be they miners in the employ of a dwarf?
Perhaps there are dragons attacking a wharf
The reasons, they matter not
Whether treasures found or dragons fought
All agree, that for a fee,
they will be, heroes of destiny.
Our hero the first
He is, by no means, the worst
Hails from a land with the strange name of Mini Soda
Both physically fit and wise like Yoda
A master of bow and blade
He prefers murky swamps over the glade
So far our party is in good hands
And I am optimistic about our merry band
Our second party member
Burns inside like an ember
With a love for math, chess, and martial arts
Try though he may, he can’t change his students’ hearts
(He’s only the DM, so he doesn’t get a full verse
This may seem unfair but such is the leader’s curse.)
This brings us to number three
He is a mystery to me
I am but a humble poet
If he has a face, I don’t know it
His profile pic shows only Cthulhu
This frightens me more than ghosts that say boo
If this picture stunt offends
Then our world just may end.
So we come to the fourth
Is he from the south or the north?
Another enigma wrapped in a puzzle covered in riddle sauce
He may be only a minion or he may be the boss
His only clues are the Batman
With him and the dark god, they may go splat man
Luck must be on our heroes’ side
Just in case, after this tale, I will hide
Before I do, we have two to go
At least these two we know
They are old friends
and will be to the end
As we have discussed,
It may not be long until they are dust
We now have an unknown, a mage, ranger, and barbarian
But nothing to prevent them from becoming carrion
And so I sing the praises (?) of our last
Who is most responsible for this motley cast
He suggested the game (er, adventure, but that is hard to rhyme)
And took responsibility for a role most lame
Stand in the back and toss heal spells
Perhaps be the only one alive with a tale to tell
Rewarded for his “sacrifice”, really cowardice
I hope the dragon eats him first as he will not be missed
Well it appears that our intrepid bard has his own ideas of how this tale will end. Keep tuning in to 2 Guys Gaming for periodic updates to see if his prognostication skills are as terrible as his rhyming skills.