My Completely Ignorant NFL Preview (NFC)

(Editor’s Note:  George McQuarters is still on his summer vacation.  It must be nice to be retired.  I know, I’m as close to retired as a person can be while still being employed, but we always covet what we can’t have.  The grass is always greener than 2 bushes or something like that.  As a result, we are going to take the seaon off from picking games and just give you my picks for the divisions an Super Bowl.)

So, can we still call this article a preview when it is being published after week 2 of the season is already finished?  This is my website and I’ll do what I want.  Besides, the rest of it is still relevant.  I’m no less ignorant than I was at the beginning of the season other than the fact that I know that the Steelers are 2-0.

A preview?  Two weeks into the season?
A preview? Two weeks into the season?

NFC East

  1. New York Giants – Remember when the NFC East was called the best division in all of football with the best rivalry games?  Yeah, this is not that version of the National Football League.  I’m picking the Giants by default because Chip Kelly will have his team gassed by game 3, Dallas lost Romo for a considerable part of the season, and Washington is cursed until they bite the bullet (pun intended) and change their name.
  2. Philadelphia Eagles – So, 9-7 could win this division and the runner up could be 6-10 or worse.  I have no faith anymore that Chip Kelly can be a competent National Football League head coach.  I was confident that the guy in Oregon was just keeping his clipboard warm until everything blew over, but Chip seems determined to make this thing work.  All the best, Chip.  Should have just taken your paddlin’ and you could have been the toast of college football uniforms.
  3. Dallas Cowboys – So, more fantasy football because nothing people love more than hearing about another person’s fantasy football woes.  I had Gronkenstein the year that he blew out his knee.  Last year, I had Tony Romo to start the season and he broke his back (or shoulder, something, whatever, what’s important here is that he was one of the reasons that I lost in week 2), so I started to think that the curse was alive and well.  Turns out to be one of the best things to happen (get well soon, Tony) since I picked up Blake Bortles and rode him all the way to the title.
  4. Washington (redacted) – I think I wrote this two years ago, but I don’t understand why this stupid team just doesn’t change their name already.  The fans will buy the new merchandise after grumbling for a little bit about honoring Native American heritage or some nonsense.  That’s a windfall.  Plus, after a few years, you can run throw back days and resell the old jerseys to make even more money.  I’m not a marketing guy by any stretch, but this feels like a win/win.

NFC West

  1. Arizona Cardinals – I’ve kept an eye on Arizona since Larry Fitzgerald started playing for them.  I also like that their field can be wheeled outside of the stadium to get sun.  Other than that, I’m not sure that I have a reason to pick Arizona over Seattle for the division.  Hey, it’s good to go out on a limb every now and then, right?
  2. Seattle Seahawks – Before the Seahawks started to get good again, I actually forgot that Seattle had a football team.  I was sitting and talking with a friend about football and he said, “Seattle”.  I replied, not joking, with “Seattle?”  He said, “The Seahawks.”  “Hmm, they’re still a team.”  The Seahawks are good again, but some of the shine is starting to wear off of the turd and they’ll be back to relegation status soon enough.
  3. San Francisco – When your team is making headlines because your back up quarterback has started what could grow into a revolution (and just to be clear, I support his stance and actions) instead of on the field actions, it’s not a good omen for your team finishing high in the standings.  I wish Mr. Kaepernick and his allies all the best, but the 49ers are going to stink on ice.
  4. Los Angeles Rams – So, the Rams got sick of their cute and young but vapid wife (LA), decided to try an older and more sophisticated woman (St. Louis) only to realize that wouldn’t work because she’s in love with another (baseball), and came crawling back to the bimbo who is now older and not as pretty (California is in the middle of record drought and wildfires).  Hey, I suppose the prospects are better in LA, because you know she’ll get work done.  Okay, I’ve taken this metaphor as far as I can.

NFC North

  1. Green Bay Packers – The Packers are the Pats of the NFC right now.  As long as they have Rodgers (!) on the team, you can’t count them out for anything.  Add to that the fact that this is one of those divisions where you can write off the other three teams sight unseen and this is an easy pick.
  2. Minnesota Vikings– I knew that Teddy Bridgewater was injured.  I’m a little worried because I think the next quarterback on their depth chart might be Sean Salisbury and he’s a bit old to be playing quarterback.  Then again, I also know that Adrian Petersen is still on this team (note:  AD is now injured, too) and capable of carrying them to a .500 record.
  3. Chicago Bears – Da Bears…stink.  I have an online friend who is from Chicago and his Facebook posts keep me in the loop when it comes to Da Bears and Da Bulls.  His thoughts on the season are not positive, so I guess you could say that I’ve got a bit of insider information here.  Worldwide leader, look out!
  4. Detroit Lions – Megatron retired in a very Barry Sanders like move.  What does it say about a franchise that it’s brightest stars would rather walk away from the game that they love than be subjected to the misery of having to play on that team.  I guess that one notable thing is that Detroit has joined Seattle as a team that I forgot existed.  And, this one plays at least once on national TV every year.

NFC South

  1. Carolina Panthers – I admit it.  I like Cam Newton.  In spite of his NCAA violations (I will always side with the individual over the allegedly corrupt organization), dabbing and celebrating (I will always side with the victim over racists), and hissy fit at the end of the Super Bowl last year (we always want our athletes to be super competitive, except when we don’t), I think he’s a decent individual and a good quarterback.  Keep on proving them wrong, Cam.
  2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The Buccaneers have a strong running back and their quarterback is starting to get hype for something other than stealing crab legs from a local grocery store.  They don’t have that dunderhead from Rutgers as coach anymore, so that’s a step in the right direction.
  3. New Orleans Saints – The Saints are back to the Aints again.  Sean Payton just doesn’t seem to have the same fire for coaching since winning a Super Bowl and getting suspended for a season.  Drew Brees is getting older and thinking about all of the commercials he’ll be able to do just like Peyton Manning.
  4. Atlanta Falcons – The Braves stink.  The Falcons stink.  The Hawks…are still a team in the NBA, right?  Atlanta is starting to feel like the new Cleveland now that the Cavs ended the streak up there.

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