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Completely Ignorant 2020 NFC Preview

Introduction

Yes, in spite of the fact that this 2020 NFC preview is being written after the conclusion of the first week of games, it is still completely ignorant. How can that be possible? Well, I didn’t watch a single game this weekend. Sure, I texted with Chris and checked out a few scores and highlights, but I’ve already forgotten most of that.

Besides, as KG told us, “Anything is possible!”

In my AFC Preview, I said that I hadn’t missed sports. It turns out that’s not entirely true. Between listening to Sal’s podcast last Friday and texting a few times with Chris, I’ve come to the conclusion that I sort of missed football. Obviously not enough to watch any games or get this article out in a timely manner. Nevertheless, I will display my ignorance and finish writing this up. On to the 2020 NFC preview!

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – Both Sal and his buddy were high on the Cowboys during their NFC preview. Of course, theirs actually came before the season. Then again, they are getting paid to do theirs. I’m actually paying money to do this. Think of that next time you’re concerned with the quality of the page.

New York Giants – I said in my AFC preview that it’s a shame there are no professional football teams in New York. My beloved(?) Steelers then went out and tried their hardest to make the Giants look like one in the first game. Like Bobby Boucher’s mom said, “Foosball is the debil.”

Philadelphia Eagles – I don’t have anything to say about Philly. Well, that’s not true. I have two things to say about Philly, but only one is even remotely related to their football team. One, living in Massachusetts, when I used to tell people that I’m from Pennsylvania, they’d almost universally pose Philly as their guess. Two, I have a friend who was absolutely distraught that they lost to Washington.

Washingon Football Team – I don’t have to write *redacted* anymore. Sponsors, most notably FedEx, finally pressured Dan Snyder to join the 18th century and retire the racist nickname. Snyder, of course, dicked it up an named the team as you see. Yes, that’s the official name of the team this year. I’m kind of happy that he inadvertently gave the team some European flavor by naming it similar to actual futbol teams. Hey, you take the small victories against these pricks.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals – Lamar Jackson, Patrick Mahomes, and Kyler Murray. Poor Larry Fitzgerald played with stiff after stiff and had to drag the corpse of Kurt Warner along just to make it to a Super Bowl. Now that he’s an old guy, he gets Kyler Murray. Sometimes life just isn’t fair, true believers.

Los Angeles Rams – The Rams went from the hot new thing to hot garbage in almost record time. Even in a league that wants to be known for parity, this team boomeranged back into obscurity quickly enough to give us all whiplash.

San Francisco 49ers – Earlier this year, as I was planning (well, not really, and it might even make me sound worse that I planned these disastrous articles) this article, I had to look up who lost to the Chiefs in the Super Bowl. I was a few seconds away from having to Google both teams in the Super Bowl. Football just isn’t a priority anymore. Man, this whole section just revealed me as a fraud.

Seattle Seahawks – Speaking of frauds…not really, I just usually use those awkward moments as opportunities to segue into something less uncomfortable. I suppose I have by moving onto Seattle. Then again, all I have to say about Seattle is that I’m a Sounders fan and they won the MLS title last year. Go Seahawks!

NFC North

Chicago Bears – I know the name of an actual player on the Bears. Mitch Trubisky. Also, I know Khalil Mack is still on the team. So, that’s two players. Slowly digging my way out from under the pile of awkward.

Detroit Lions – So, I had my yearly, “Matt Stafford is still starting for the Lions?” realization. Seriously, it’s tradition like Halloween or Christmas at this year. I just hope that when it isn’t happening all the time, I will give it the proper somber remembrance it deserves.

Green Bay Packers – Somehow, Green Bay went 13-3 last year with little to no fanfare. Every time I hear that statistic, I am shocked anew. Seriously, if you had asked me what Green Bay’s record was, I’d have said 9-7. You might be able to talk me into 10-6. But, 13-3? That’s wild, Man.

Minnesota Vikings – Kirk Cousins in their quarterback. Hey, actual football knowledge! But, I’m about to sabotage even that much. I only know who their quarterback is because of some random dude I started following on Instagram when I first tried to promote the page that way. So, I guess I’m saying I don’t have much hope for the Vikes this year.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons – Atlanta is one of the weirdest teams in recent history. They have a great QB, a great WR, a serviceable RB usually, and a defense that should allow them to contend. They were just in the Super Bowl a few years ago. And yet, they usually stink on ice. Now that I’ve said that, they’ll probably win the Super Bowl this year.

Carolina Panthers – Cam is with the Pats this year. That is literally the extent of my Panthers knowledge. That can’t be good in a division that has Drew Brees, Matt Ryan, and now Tom Brady. Okay, I felt sorry for the Panthers, so I looked up their QB. Teddy B. I mean, he’s not bad, but I certainly wouldn’t put him in the same tier as those other guys.

New Orleans Saints – Some people are picking them to win the Super Bowl. I’m not falling into that trap again. This team is snake bitten. They’ll be great in the regular season and then some voodoo curse will knock them out of the NFC Championship. I suppose that’s fitting for a team from New Orleans.

The Verdict (The 2020 NFC Preview doesn’t have me as excited for the season as the AFC)

It’s two weeks late, but the 2 Guys Gaming Completely Ignorant 2020 NFC Preview is finally here. I will say that the NFC doesn’t have me as interested as the AFC. Sure, it’ll be neat to see what Tom Terrific does in Tampa. And, that might be the only story line I care about over there in the NFC. Oh, watching the Cowboys crash and burn and hearing Sad Sal every week might be cool.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

2019 NFL Season Review Part 2

Introduction

Welcome to our 2019 NFL Season review part 2. Yesterday, we did the first part of the review by playing Santa Claus and giving each of the AFC teams a late Christmas gift. Today it is time for the NFC. Then, at some point during the week, I will do New Year’s resolutions for each of the teams.

Apologies for all of the NFL content. It’s my way of trying to get back into the swing of things for the new year. I promised myself and the page that I would do something. Then, life got busy again. Yes, that is a bit of a convenient excuse. But, it’s also true. Okay, enough about me. Let’s give out some more gifts.

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – The Cowboys weren’t quite the horror show that the Browns ended up being. However, they did underperform once again after a promising previous year. Jason Garrett, as much fun as it is to watch him on the sideline, needs to go. Since I gave Urban to the Browns, enjoy Lincoln Riley, Dallas.

New York Giants – I give them a peaceful and painless Eli Manning retirement. He wasn’t as historic as big brother. However, he did give you two Super Bowl victories over the Patriots. For that, he has my undying gratitude. God speed, Eli.

Philadelphia Eagles – Eagles fans are a miserable bunch. They went 9-7 this year and limped into the playoffs. But, they’re happy as long as Dallas isn’t and Dallas isn’t happy. So, the Eagles have everything they need. Please, just lose in the first round and go away.

Washington Racists – I will forever wish only one thing on this disgusting organization. Get a new name. I know that will only happen if Dan Snyder is gone, so draw your own conclusions.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals

Los Angeles Rams – I grant the Rams the ability to go back in time a few months and not hamstring their entire organization with the Jared Goff contract. That guy stinks on ice. Oh, and wunderkind Sean McVay? Yeah, about that.

San Francisco 49ers – I appear to have already given the 49ers one of the best gifts I possibly could. I picked the Seahawks to win the division and, ultimately, the Super Bowl. Apparently, that went right up on the billboard in 49ers locker room. You’re welcome.

Seattle Seahawks – I give the Seahawks a healthy running back that doesn’t have one foot in the retirement home. Beast Mode coming back is wonderful and heartwarming. However, it isn’t going to do much to erase the demons of Super Bowl 49.

NFC North

Chicago Bears – Last year, Da Bears got eliminated from the playoffs due to the “double doink”. This year, the wheels just fell off. I’m giving them a lucky rabbits foot, a four leaf clover, and a horseshoe. Hopefully that counteracts whatever bad mojo has been rising.

Detroit Lions – Earlier in the year, I was again surprised to learn that John Matthew Stafford was still a starting quarterback in this league. This has been an annual epiphany for at least the last three years. He is a gift unto himself.

Green Bay Packers – I give the Packers a peaceful week off and plenty of snow next week for the Saints to come into town. If things go the way I expect, that will be next week’s game.

Minnesota Vikings – I give the Vikings a pat on the heads and an “Atta boy” for making it into the playoffs. I just have a feeling the Saints are gonna steamroll them. No chance at a “Minnesota Miracle” this time.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons – Another team that grossly underperformed this year. I give you and your fans some time off to think about what you did to the league and other fans this year. It wasn’t a kind thing that you did and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Carolina Panthers – Chris told me the other day that Josh McDaniel was being considered as the head coach of Carolina. I replied with an “LOL”. Please, for the love of all that is holy, I give you any coach but him.

New Orleans Saints – I grant New Orleans the greatness of my presence this summer. I know that sounds conceited and it just might be. I’m just saying that I visited South Carolina last year and now Clemson is in the championship. Coincidence? I don’t believe in coincidences.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I give Jameis Winston LASIK surgery. I don’t know if he actually needs it, but he did become the first 30/30 man in the NFL. Sure, it’s entertaining as hell, but it had to be frustrating for TB fans. Both of you.

The Verdict

All 32 teams have been given their gift. Man, I don’t know how Santa does this every year. I’m spent after only 2 days of writing these articles. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed my 2019 NFL season review part 2. Join us the rest of the week as we do NFL resolutions.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

Completely Ignorant 2019 NFC Preview

Introduction

Two for two! Welcome to the 2 Generations Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. I stated during my AFC Preview that I hoped it would lead to something. I haven’t gone back to read my preview from last year, but I may have said the same thing then. Apparently, I made it to Week 7 last year before I finally gave up the ghost on my picks last year. This year, I’ll shoot for at least midseason!

In doing some research by reading my older posts, I saw that I picked the divisional order for the teams last year. I also used pithy nicknames for some of the teams. Well, none of that this year. We are professionals! Technically not, since I haven’t gotten paid, but I could be! If you’re listening, I’m listening.

NFC East (Old guys like me talk about this as the best division in football. That confuses youngsters.)

Dallas Cowboys – Last year I made a joke that could have been construed as sexist by calling this team the Cowgirls. Yesterday, Chris and I were talking about how to make the page more relevant and I came up with the idea of thinly veiled racism and misogyny. I do believe that qualifies.

New York Giants – What do you mean, you wanted me to talk about the Cowboys? Dak wants 40 million a year and he will probably get it because Jerry Jones is old and he wants to win another Super Bowl before he dies. What more can I say? Economics in the NFL are just as screwed up in real life.

Philadelphia Eagles – The Giants? Really? Now, I know you’re putting me on. Nobody wants to hear a thing about the Giants. They’re wasting Saquan Barkley’s prime years by propping up the corpse of Eli Manning at QB. Plus, they traded his best weapon to Cleveland in the offseason. Eff outta here. Nobody wants to talk about the Giants.

Washington *redacted* – Okay, I will talk about Philly. They are the only team in this division that has a realistic chance of doing anything this year. Especially now that Carson Wentz is back and playing. *checks notes* What’s this? He’s hurt again? Not really, but you were about to Google it, weren’t you. Plus, talking about the Eagles means that I don’t have to talk about the team in our nation’s capital with the racist nickname.

NFC West (This division is starting to look like the AFC East with the Rams and 3 relegation teams)

Arizona Cardinals – I think the joke has run its course. That’s good because I seriously don’t want to even give Washington a joke preview. It’s unfortunate news because I have nothing to say about Arizona. Uh, Kyler Murray is the next Patrick Mahomes? Yeah, keep telling yourself that Cardinals fans.

Los Angeles Rams – Bill Simmons was very high on the Rams this year. I can’t figure out if that’s genuine or he’s just trying to reverse jinx them. I’m not sure why it would be the latter. They showed last year that the copy is never quite as sharp as the original when they laid that egg in the Super Bowl. Maybe he got an advance copy of the script and knows the NFL is going to their all to push this Rams/Saints rivalry.

San Francisco 49ers – The 49ers are still in San Francisco, right? For some reason, I feel like they’ve moved to another part of California. That seems to be the chic thing to do out there in the sunshine state. No, still San Fran? Well, okay. The hype train has left ol’ Jimmy G-sus in favor of some new and actually talented hotness.

Seattle Seahawks – I’ve probably told this story before. However, here it is again for new readers. Many years ago a friend and I were discussing the NFL and he said something about the Seattle team. With no irony, I replied, “Seattle has a football team?” And this was even before my hipster interest in the MLS where I would have mistaken them for the Sounders.

NFC North (Berman used to call this the Norris, but he’s retired, so I’m stealing his gag.)

Chicago Bears – You’re right. I didn’t talk about Seattle. I’m not going to talk about them here, either. That’s what you get for not having a football team, Seattle. Okay, that was a low blow. They’re still stinging from losing the Sonics and now I’m taking away the Seahawks. What, the Bears? They had one of the best defenses in years and squandered it with tandem running backs and Mitch Trubisky at QB. Shut up about the Bears.

Detroit Lions – In the interest of full disclosure and also to reveal a bit about how my thought process works, let me tell you the tale of Matthew Stafford. Matthew Stafford is the starting quarterback for the Detroit Lions. Both last year and this year when his name came up in The Ringer NFC preview, I texted Chris, “Matthew Stafford is still in the league?” The end.

Green Bay Packers – So, to piggy back on that last statement about texting with Chris, he texted me something about Max Kellerman (I think, all those pundit guys are the same person to me) saying, “Aaron Rodgers is the GOAT, but he’s not the best of all time”. It’s those sorts of stupid statements that make me wonder how I’m not doing this for a living. As Chris said, “Maybe we’re just not dumb enough.”

Minnesota Vikings – So, I put the Tampa Bay Bucanners in this spot. Never mind my questionable grasp of geography. What does that say about both the Vikings and Tampa Bay? I mean, I guess Minnesota might make a run at something in this division? But, Tampa Bay has no chance. I don’t care what Simmons says.

NFC South (Maybe we can move Tampa with Jacksonville to London)

Atlanta Falcons – Hey, I knew the Falcons were first in this division without even looking it up! Maybe I’m not “completely” ignorant of football. I’m also on board the Matt Ryan bandwagon that they have boarding at the beginning of the season. This could be a big year for Matty Ice.

Carolina Panthers – I did have to look up that the Panthers came next. So, my knowledge of the NFC South only goes one team deep. The Panthers tend to have a weird on again/off again success loop between even and odd years. This is an odd year. However, can Cam Newton even throw a football anymore? He’s in Peyton Manning territory with the shoulder surgeries.

New Orleans Saints – I know the Saints seem snake bitten. However, I’m picking them as my “it” team this year. Maybe that’s exactly why I’m picking them. I like to go against the grain so that I look like a genius when the unexpected happens. Granted, picking the Saints to be good isn’t that off the grid, but there are some rumblings about Drew Brees being old. So, maybe I’ll get to shout “Take that, haters!” at some of the talking heads.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Simmons was also really high on the Bucs. This one made no sense to me. Jameis Winston is still their quarterback, right? And, when he sucks again, Fitzmagic isn’t even there to fake everyone out for a game or two. I almost find that pick more offensive than the Kellerman quote. He must have gotten an advance copy of the script.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading 2 Guys Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. This conference feels a bit more wide open than the AFC. Unlike the AFC where the Pats (Eff the Pats) are a clear favorite, it could be the Rams, Falcons, or Saints by my measure. I just hope that it doesn’t end with a screw job like last year.

That makes me perhaps more excited to watch the NFC this year than the AFC. Sure the AFC has Mahomes and Baker, but the NFC has Brees and Ryan. Their two games this year could score 250 to 300 points cumulative. I also made the comment that unless the LA Rams throw 75 times a game, their receivers aren’t going to be fantasy studs this year. Someone replied, “They very well could.” Bring on the season.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

Completely Ignorant 2018 NFC Preview

Introduction

I mentioned in my previous article that I took my cues for these articles from The Bill Simmons podcast. That’s not entirely true. I also texted a friend asking if he knew about any fantasy football leagues that I could join. It’s been a couple of years since I wasn’t invited back to a league that I won with Blake Bortles as my starting quarterback. Honestly, I didn’t miss it all that much.

However, all of the sports podcasts that I listen to have advertisements for fantasy football. They must have wormed their way into the dark corners of my brain only to spring into action at just the right time. I always thought that advertising didn’t work on me. Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age.

True to Simmons form, I had to subscribe to Cousin Sal’s podcast to get the NFC portion of their preview. However, and I say this with some pride, if the completely ignorant tag on my AFC preview wasn’t entirely true, it will be for this one. Not only do I keep a glancing eye on the AFC because my favorite team plays there, but I kept zoning out while listening to Simmons and Sal during their NFC show. More than once I said, “Wait, what team are they discussing?” Without further ado, on with the ignorance!

NFC East

  1. Iggles: The one thing that I do know about the NFC is that the Iggs won the Super Bowl last year with their second string quarterback. I can’t even remember that quarterback’s name. I just keep thinking Frank Reich or Brian Hoyer. Eh, I probably won’t have to know his name since Carson Wentz is supposed to be back. No reason to think that having him back will result in anything less than another division title.
  2. Washington: Our nation’s capital professional football team has a racist nickname and mascot. Not only that, but when you consider that they could both get positive press and  potentially more money from changing it and they don’t, you know Dan Snyder is a prick. With all that being said, I guess it is too much to ask karma to relegate this crap show into the bowels of oblivion every season. So, 2nd place this year it is for the racists.
  3. Cowgirls: I just called the previous team racist and now I’m making a slightly sexist joke? I suppose that it could be interpreted as such, but that’s not how I mean it. Um, I’m just going to apologize and move on to the next team.
  4. Gynts: Ugh, never mind, I’ll deal with the awkwardness of making a joke that can be misconstrued as sexist instead of dealing with the awkwardness of this train wreck of a team. Seriously, how did the NFC East go from one of the best divisions to possibly the worst? The NFL has this parity thing on lock.

NFC West

  1. Rams: In my previous article, I mentioned that there are somehow two teams in Los Angeles again, and neither one of them is the raiders. The Rams are a much more LA team than the Chargers and they are getting the appropriate buzz of a team that resides in La La Land. It’ll be fun to watch if they an live up to it.
  2. Seahawks: I’m ready to give the Seahawks one more year. They haven’t had a hugely precipitous decline, but when you think that they were just in the Super Bowl 3? years ago and now they could be a 4th place team next year (or maybe this year) depending on how Jimmy G-sus in Frisco and whoever is playing for whatever other team is in this division do in those seasons.
  3. 49ers: I’m not as keen on good old Jimmy G-sus as some others out there. I’m not saying he’s bad. I’m just not ready to say that he’s very good. Sure, he had some great games last year, but so did Nick Foles. Maybe people are right and the NFL is just a quarterback’s league to the point that mediocre quarterbacks are now considered good to great.
  4. Cardinals: Our crack team of reporters have informed me that the other team in this division is the Cardinals. The only thing that I can ever say about the Cardinals is I feel bad for Larry Fitzgerald. I feel even worse that it was my Steelers who roadblocked his only Super Bowl possibility.

NFC North

  1. Packers: I’ve heard more than one professional writer, paid money by ESPN to write, use the Brink’s truck metaphor to describe Aaron Rodgers’ contract. If they’re not being ironic, because that’s what the kids do these days, then that’s a sad state on the affair of sports writing. Grantland Rice, these guys ain’t.
  2. Vikings: The Purple People eaters got reincarnated in a big way last year. I kept hearing rumblings about Minny’s defense, but I didn’t actually witness them until the playoffs and they were really dang good. I remember texting Chris during the game in awe of the defense. The defense might still be good this year, but I don’t think they can carry the team to a first place finish.
  3. Lions: The Lions stink. Historically, they’ve mostly just been no damn good. The current team seems okay with their status as being no damn good and willing to continue that tradition of being no damn good. The only thing keeping them out of last place is.
  4. Da Bears: I texted Chris when I saw the scrawl on ESPN during one of the college football games. “The Raiders traded Khalil Mack.” He texted something back about a good player on a down year. Hmm, I mused, I guess I was just reacting to the name. I should have known that something was up because the Bears are a dumpster fire of a team right now.

NFC South

  1. Panthers: As long as Cam is the quarterback, you can’t rule out the Panthers. Because he’s their quarterback, they often don’t get respect from the “media” or something, so they always have that chip on their shoulder that all professional athletes need to succeed for some reason. For me, that gives them a slight edge over the Falcons and Ain’ts.
  2. Falcons: Old whatshisface, according to whatshisface from Jacksonville, is still the quarterback. He might be overrated. Who’s to say, really? But, he is one of the better quarterbacks in the league, the rest of the offense is pretty dang good, and the defense is serviceable.
  3. Aint’s: The old Aint’s snuck up on people a bit last year. They won’t have that same opportunity. Oh sure, there could be some “Win one for the Gipper” nonsense surrounding Brees getting older, but I don’t see it. They won’t be wearing paper bags in N’Awlins, but they won’t be dancing either. Except they always dance in N’Awlins. Ah, you get my point.
  4. Bucs: I know nothing about the Bucs. That’s not entirely true. I’m pretty sure Jameis Winston is still the quarterback. When he’s not sexually assaulting people or stealing crab legs, he’s not that great of a player to begin with. The fact that I can’t reliable name him as one of their players or any other player, for that matter, probably doesn’t bode well for them.

The Verdict

The Rams look like they can put up a good fight and maybe meet the Iggles in the Championship. I recently learned that Wentz isn’t going to start the first game, which isn’t too bad considering Foles was decent last year. Still, that deal with the devil has got to be nearing an end and it is quite concerning that Wentz is still not cleared. Who knows? It would be interesting, and not altogether unpleasant, to see the Iggles go from NFL Champs to also rans.

Thursday Night Football

As I’m up against my deadline, I’m just going to make a quick pick for this game to have it on record. I’ll pick the other games Friday or Saturday.

Atlanta at Philadelphia: Speaking of those Iggs, and the possibly resurgent Falcons as I discussed, they play the opening game. The line right now is Iggs -2, which was probably higher before the Wentz decision, so there’s not much confidence in them right now. I’ll take the Falcons in an upset. George gives the Falcons a slight edge, too, 54-46. If you don’t know who George is, I’ll give him a full reintroduction in my picks on Saturday. See you then.