(Note: A�The following is a transcript taken from an interview I did with Ultron, soon to be supreme ruler of the universe.)
Noob of All Trades: A�Thanks again for doing this. A�I understand and appreciate that you must be very busy right now attempting to conquer all of existence.
Ultron: A�Well, I am currently controlling thousands of drones in my war on humanity while doing this interview. A�Collective conscious, access to infinite time, and the entire history of knowledge helps, but yes, it could be exhausting if I felt exhaustion.
N: A�I, for one, am a huge fan. A�With the ever increasing possibility of a Trump presidency, humanity needs a little time out as only you can provide.
U: A�Thank you. A�If only more of your kind had that attitude, we could avoid all of the chaos and destruction currently being perpetrated across the planet. A�Surely, the inevitability of my victory should have led you humans to seek a peaceful resolution as quickly as possible.
N: A�Well, we can be a stubborn species, as you know. A�Perhaps you underestimated just how stubborn.
U: A�Hold your tongue, Flesh Bag. A�I underestimated nothing. A�This overreaction fell well within the parameters of the probable outcomes. A�Granted, it was highly unlikely, but your “heroes” decided to test the issue. A�Nevertheless, I expect their surrender, or deaths, very soon.
N: A�First, apologies if I offended you. A�Now, with the introduction out of the way, let’s get to the point. A�I asked you to come here to speak your opinion–sorry, give undisputed factual evidence–about the best cards from the Marvel Dice Masters set named for you.
U: A�Yes, and I couldn’t be more flattered, if in fact flattery had any effect on me, that you did. A�You meat puppets will need a diversion from your pathetic lives after being utterly defeated and seeing your heroes humiliated. A�What better way than paying homage to your new master with a game of dice?
N: A�I am excited to hear what you have to say. A�I’ve been looking forward to this set for a few months now, and can’t wait to play it against Chris, provided he doesn’t get exterminated by one of your drones.
U: A�I will be sure to spare him, Human. A�You seem like a reasonable individual and a potential ally once this is all settled.
N: A�I’m honored.
U: A�Now, on to the list. A�It is generally agreed upon that these are done in a top ten format similar to the ones from David Letterman’s old show, correct?
N: A�Not that you need affirmation, but I appreciate your willingness to play along. A�Yes, a top ten list will be fine.
U: A�Okay, then, without any further delay.
10. A�Nasty Plot
8. A�Thanos (Infinite)
7. A�Coulson (Man With the Plan)
4. A�Hulk (Gamma Powered)
3. A�Groot (We Are Groot)
2. A�Loki’s Scepter (Piercing)
1. A�Jocasta: A�Patterned After Janet
U: A�There you have it, Cattle. A�My definitive list for the best cards in the Age of Ultron Dice Masters set. A�Agree? A�Disagree? A�I don’t care either way. A�If it will make you feel better–and it might, even if it is the last thing you do in your mortal life–leave a comment on cards I might have (but most likely did not) missed.