Spawn 299 (Spawn Road to 300)

Introduction

Once upon a time, I had a dream to collect all of the Spawn books up to 300 before 300 released. Given that the release schedule of the book has been spotty recently, that might still happen. Since we are already at Spawn 299, however, things look bleak for my modest attempt to have a full run of Spawn right now.

Nevertheless, I have a clear unbroken streak for the last 20 or 25 books and I am actually pretty close to a full run if I could just bring myself to buy a few books at 20 dollars or more. Alas, I am not prepared to do that. So, once again, it looks bleak for our hero. Join me, then, for my review of Spawn 299.

The Great (Spawn has been around for a long time)

Homage Covers – Remember those books I mentioned earlier for 20 dollars or more? Most of them are the original Homage covers from the mid 200s of the series. I did not collect at that time. Therefore, I missed all of those covers. The prices prevent me from pulling the trigger on those books. This time, I decided not to take the chance. Once I realized that Uncle Todd announced homage covers for these books, I made sure to order them all. In fact, issue 300 got me in a way that few other comics have. I ordered 4 or 5 of the different variant covers. That never happens to me.

I swear! This is the first time!

Getting Close to 300 – I mean, 299 is only one less after all. This book represents my teenage rebellion. It brings me back to a simpler time when I had no worries. Spawn is a part of me. It has been for almost 30 years. I’ve been there since the beginning. Reaching this milestone is an incredible experience as evidenced by my crazy variant purchases on the big 300.

The Good (Spawn 299 takes the book back to its roots)

Heaven/Hell War – This book is about a man. A man who was betrayed in life and then again in afterlife. Surrounding that main narrative is a war between Heaven and Hell. Sometimes, this story gets tiresome. Given the “real world” implications made by recent issues, I will take the Heaven/Hell war.

News Anchors – An Uncle Todd specialty. The names of the news organizations might have changed, but the faces have more or less remained the same. I hardly ever read these panels, but they are comforting in a way that I can’t completely explain.

Except this guy. He’s crazy.

The Decent (The inconsistencies are still there in Spawn 299)

Jason Shawn Alexander’s Art – I’ve said it before. I will say it again. I liked JSA as a change up from the hyper realistic art that we are used to seeing in Spawn. However, as the main art, I’m not a fan.

Melodramatic much? I’m not the same angry 13 year old who fell in love with the ultraviolence of Spawn. I’m now an angry 43 year old man who just can’t take the hormonal mood swings of a perpetually adolescent story line.

The Verdict (Spawn 299 is what you’d expect)

I have no idea what Uncle Todd has planned for Spawn 300. Well, that’s not entirely true. I do know that he has some of the talent that has worked on the book in the past to come back and write/draw for the book. What got me most excited is that Capullo has decided to saddle up for at least one book.

Everything that makes Spawn great is still there. Everything that makes Spawn mediocre is still there. It’s all the same book that it always has been and most likely always will be. I will be sure to be there until the end whenever that happens.

Completely Ignorant NFL 2019 Week 3 Picks

Introduction

Well, I missed all of last week, picks included. I didn’t want to make it 2 in a row, so here are only NFL 2019 Week 3 picks. No pithy comments.

Early Games

Pokes over Fins

Bungs over Bills

Eagles over Lions

Pats roll the Jets

Falcons over Colts

Vikes over Raiders

Chefs beat the Rats

Packers over Broncos

Late Games

Panthers over Cards

Bucs over Gynts

Seahawks over Aints

Texans over Chargers

Steelers beat the 9ers

Sunday Night

Rams roll the Browns

Monday Night

Bears beat the hapless Racists

NFL 2019 Week 3 Wrap Up

Oh, and for the record, I’d have never picked the Jags to beat the Titans this week in the Thursday night debacle. And, I suppose to avoid such a mistake going forward, I’ll just pick the Thursday night game right now. I think the Packers beat the Eagles. All things being even, you should pick the home team.

So, come to think about it, is there really any difference between the Jags and the Titans? Not really, but I have convinced myself that there is. I never, and I mean never, would have picked the Jags in that game. Come back next week for the hopeful return of pithy comments! Until then, enjoy NFL 2019 Week 3 games!

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

Completely Ignorant 2019 NFL Week 1 Picks

Introduction (Thursday Night Football sucks)

The NFL season already started. But, that won’t stop us from making our 2019 NFL Week 1 picks. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out my AFC and NFC preview articles. They won’t necessarily give you any more information, but I think they’re entertaining at least.

If you were around at all last year, you know that Thursday Night Football, even though it happens every week, always took me by surprise. Well, it happened again this week. You may question this, but what I’m about to say has nothing to do with what I just said.

Thursday Night Football sucks. Seriously, who is this game for every week? Gamblers? How degenerate do you have to be that you can’t wait a full week to bet on football? Never mind. Don’t answer that. I still have some faith in humanity.

The games are just awful. We live in the age of Patrick Mahomes, Tom Brady, and Baker Mayfield, and a 10-3 defensive snoozefest is the best that you can muster for your season opener? God, how is the NFL still so popular? Okay, enough bitterness, on with the 2019 NFL week 1 pick.

Early Games (For the record, I had Green Bay)

LA Rams at Carolina Panthers – The Rams are everyone’s “it” girl this year. I will say that there might be something to the getting close one year and coming back stronger the next. Additionally, I looked up the NFL starting quarterbacks earlier when Chris and I were texting where AB might end up. Cam Newton was not listed for Carolina. Rams roll.

Washington Racists at Philadelphia Eagles – Carson Wentz is back! Or, maybe he just hurt his back and is on IR again. Who can say which will be the headline coming out of Week 1? It doesn’t matter. Philly would beat Washington by 10 points with me at QB.

Buffalo Bills at NY Jets – What the hell is this? Who gives a crap? Maybe if Darnold can pull a Baker/Mahomes and not suck out loud this year, I’ll care. Right now, I’m not picking this game. Life’s too short.

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings – It was either last year or the year before that Minny had one hell of a defense. I don’t think it is going to matter in this game. I think Matty Ice is going to have a hell of a year this year. Falcons.

Baltimore Ravens at Miami Dolphins – Two things in life are guaranteed. Well, other than death. And Taxes. Two things in NFL life are guaranteed. Well, other than the Patriots (eff the Pats) winning every year and me forgetting that Matthew Stafford exists. Okay, I’m not sure where I was going with this train of thought. I just know the Dolphins are going to suck this year. Rats win.

Kansas City Chiefs at Jacksonville Jaguars – I’m pretty sure that I heard that Nick Foles is in Jacksonville now? That might be enough to persuade me that they’ll stay within a TD of KC. I can’t say much about KC’s defense right now, but I’m all in on Mahomes. Dude is a stud. Start the KC/NE AFC Championship hype now.

Tennessee Titans at Cleveland Browns – Preseason scuttlebutt has me a bit worried that my boy Baker was a fluke last year. I don’t think so, but I am the “completely ignorant” pundit, so there’s that. I’m about 60% positive that they’ll be able to take care of business for their home opener.

Late Games (This is about the time that I might spend another quarter on daily fantasy every week)

Indianapolis Colts at LA Chargers – I typed LA Chargers the first time and only barely had a twinge of the old San Diego Chargers as I did. Old dogs can learn new tricks. Just don’t ask me to name Six Flags as anything but Riverside. Chargers, wherever the hell they play, win.

Cincinnatti Bengals at Seattle Seahawks – The Bengals stink. I mean, the Seahawks might stink, too, for all I know. But, they’re playing at home, which used to be a huge advantage. Plus, I won’t be able to handle the Bengals in first place over my Steelers after they lose to the Pats. No, not even for a week. Go Seahawks.

San Francisco 49ers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Cleveland has become was Frisco was supposed to be. Exciting team with a young new quarterback to help turn around a moribund franchise. Alas, Jimmy G-sus got hurt and that all evaporated. Maybe the prophecy will still come true. For this game, sure, why not the 49ers.

NY Giants at Dallas Cowboys – The Giants have possibly the most exciting offensive player, not named Patrick Mahomes, in decades and they insist on surrounding him with the corpse of Eli Manning. Oh, they also traded OBJ in the offseason. I mean, the Cowboys have Dak Prescott, but at least they traded for a franchise receiver. Jeeze, this league is depressing sometimes.

Detroit Lions at Arizona Cardinals – So, uh, what I just said about this league and depression. Even if Murray plays in this game, I don’t think that would be enough to get me interested. Prove me wrong random terrible NFL teams!

Sunday Night Game (Yay to the Steelers season being over after one game)

Pittsburgh Steelers at New England Patriots – The NFL tries hard to make this a rivalry. The teams try hard by talking crap back and forth. The games try hard by being close. Ultimately, it isn’t because the Patriots win every single important game. Oh, and AB is now on the Pats just like I said. If he lasts, this season is over.

Monday Night Football (2 games to start the season! How much do you love football? Meh…)

Houston Texans at New Orleans Saints – This could have been a great game. It might still be. But, with the news that Drew Brees is involved in a charity that believes in “conversion therapy”. Oh man, my newfound enthusiasm for the NFL is waning. Aint’s win.

Denver Broncos at Oakland Raiders: Ha. Ha ha. The NFL has a shiny new toy in the Raiders. Except that toy was made in a Chinese sweat shop and just exploded for the third time in a week, maiming their children. Sure, the toy is expensive, but it might be time to return it.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

Detective Pikachu Review

Introduction

It would seem that our “week” of Pokemon coverage has expanded into weeks and might even surpass a month once all is said and done. If you’re okay with it, I’m okay with it. I’m just glad to be covering gaming content again on the gaming web page. That’s why it is exciting to be covering Detective Pikachu.

Wait, what’s this? It’s a movie? There’s a Pokemon movie and it’s not the one where Ash is perpetually 8 years old? I’m going to steal from my own Facebook page and say, “What even is this?” Well, the kids like Pokemon and it’s raining out. Might as well give this a chance.

The Great (There’s quite a bit to enjoy about Detective Pikachu)

Pokemon are real – If that statement sounds weird, that’s because it is. I mean, who among us didn’t want to live in a place where Pokemon are real at least once in our young lives. Well, technically not me because I was well into high school when Pokemon released, but you get the point. How cool would it be to live in a world with Pokemon.

Uh, on second thought, that might not be so great. I could make a dirty joke here about it being good for certain people, but it’s a family page and it sort of writes itself, so if you need that humor, have at it.

Ryan Reynolds as Pikachu – Wait, that voice is familiar. Is that…Deadpool? Yes, true believers, your favorite merc with a mouth is voicing Pikachu for the movie. My wife, who is hopelessly in love with him, said, “Oh, I’ll stick around if he’s in it.” Well, jokes on you, Missy, it was just his voice! Ha! Take that! Jealous? Who’s jealous? Deadpool wasn’t even that good.

Easter Eggs – There are so many references to the games that I lost count very early in the movie. Obviously, the kids (especially Quinn, but Aiden, too) were name checking every Pokemon that showed up. However, if you’ve ever played a Pokemon game, chances are that you’d have recognized many of the references in this movie.

Mewtwo! – Mewtwo has been my favorite Pokemon since I learned about the existence of him as the mythical 150th Pokemon. Sure, I didn’t include him in my cube, but that’s more a function of simply copying something that already existed. Perhaps my next swing at a cube will involve Mewtwo. You know what. It most certainly will.

The Good (As you might expect, a movie about Pokemon in the real world is a bit uneven)

Funny – There was more than one part where we were all (minus my wife who was probably just imagining Pikachu in a Speedo) laughing hysterically. The movie is funny and not just in an inside joke way, either. Of course, there are the jokes that only Pokemon fans will get, but the movie does attempt to appeal to a broader audience.

I mean, they picked the most recognizable Pokemon as the star, after all.

The Decent (What even is Detective Pikachu?)

Weird Story – While I appreciate that they went away from the perpetually 8 years old Ash as the protagonist, I’m not entirely sure where the inspiration for this story came from. I do appreciate that the tongue in cheek film noir vibe that the movie is trying to emulate. But, it’s just so weird.

Audience? – Speaking of weird, I’m not sure who the target audience is for the movie. Obviously, you would think kids and that would make sense. However, I remember when the movie came out that some people were saying the movie most definitely wasn’t geared to kids. That might be true but it made me think that it would be more “adult”. But, it isn’t. It’s in this in between mode that adds even more weird to the proceedings.

The Verdict (Detective Pikachu is mostly harmless)

The kids enjoyed the movie. You could tell by the way that they name checked the various Pokemon and Liam especially was enamored with the region that was the movie’s setting. Christine didn’t like it. She was not shy about saying to Quinn, “No” when he asked if she liked the movie.

I was busy cooking a turkey dinner during the movie so I can’t say definitively if I liked it or not. You might expect that I didn’t because I kept referring to it as “weird”, but that’s not entirely true. I liked what I saw of the movie and I’d like a second chance to see if I can figure it out.

Completely Ignorant 2019 NFC Preview

Introduction

Two for two! Welcome to the 2 Generations Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. I stated during my AFC Preview that I hoped it would lead to something. I haven’t gone back to read my preview from last year, but I may have said the same thing then. Apparently, I made it to Week 7 last year before I finally gave up the ghost on my picks last year. This year, I’ll shoot for at least midseason!

In doing some research by reading my older posts, I saw that I picked the divisional order for the teams last year. I also used pithy nicknames for some of the teams. Well, none of that this year. We are professionals! Technically not, since I haven’t gotten paid, but I could be! If you’re listening, I’m listening.

NFC East (Old guys like me talk about this as the best division in football. That confuses youngsters.)

Dallas Cowboys – Last year I made a joke that could have been construed as sexist by calling this team the Cowgirls. Yesterday, Chris and I were talking about how to make the page more relevant and I came up with the idea of thinly veiled racism and misogyny. I do believe that qualifies.

New York Giants – What do you mean, you wanted me to talk about the Cowboys? Dak wants 40 million a year and he will probably get it because Jerry Jones is old and he wants to win another Super Bowl before he dies. What more can I say? Economics in the NFL are just as screwed up in real life.

Philadelphia Eagles – The Giants? Really? Now, I know you’re putting me on. Nobody wants to hear a thing about the Giants. They’re wasting Saquan Barkley’s prime years by propping up the corpse of Eli Manning at QB. Plus, they traded his best weapon to Cleveland in the offseason. Eff outta here. Nobody wants to talk about the Giants.

Washington *redacted* – Okay, I will talk about Philly. They are the only team in this division that has a realistic chance of doing anything this year. Especially now that Carson Wentz is back and playing. *checks notes* What’s this? He’s hurt again? Not really, but you were about to Google it, weren’t you. Plus, talking about the Eagles means that I don’t have to talk about the team in our nation’s capital with the racist nickname.

NFC West (This division is starting to look like the AFC East with the Rams and 3 relegation teams)

Arizona Cardinals – I think the joke has run its course. That’s good because I seriously don’t want to even give Washington a joke preview. It’s unfortunate news because I have nothing to say about Arizona. Uh, Kyler Murray is the next Patrick Mahomes? Yeah, keep telling yourself that Cardinals fans.

Los Angeles Rams – Bill Simmons was very high on the Rams this year. I can’t figure out if that’s genuine or he’s just trying to reverse jinx them. I’m not sure why it would be the latter. They showed last year that the copy is never quite as sharp as the original when they laid that egg in the Super Bowl. Maybe he got an advance copy of the script and knows the NFL is going to their all to push this Rams/Saints rivalry.

San Francisco 49ers – The 49ers are still in San Francisco, right? For some reason, I feel like they’ve moved to another part of California. That seems to be the chic thing to do out there in the sunshine state. No, still San Fran? Well, okay. The hype train has left ol’ Jimmy G-sus in favor of some new and actually talented hotness.

Seattle Seahawks – I’ve probably told this story before. However, here it is again for new readers. Many years ago a friend and I were discussing the NFL and he said something about the Seattle team. With no irony, I replied, “Seattle has a football team?” And this was even before my hipster interest in the MLS where I would have mistaken them for the Sounders.

NFC North (Berman used to call this the Norris, but he’s retired, so I’m stealing his gag.)

Chicago Bears – You’re right. I didn’t talk about Seattle. I’m not going to talk about them here, either. That’s what you get for not having a football team, Seattle. Okay, that was a low blow. They’re still stinging from losing the Sonics and now I’m taking away the Seahawks. What, the Bears? They had one of the best defenses in years and squandered it with tandem running backs and Mitch Trubisky at QB. Shut up about the Bears.

Detroit Lions – In the interest of full disclosure and also to reveal a bit about how my thought process works, let me tell you the tale of Matthew Stafford. Matthew Stafford is the starting quarterback for the Detroit Lions. Both last year and this year when his name came up in The Ringer NFC preview, I texted Chris, “Matthew Stafford is still in the league?” The end.

Green Bay Packers – So, to piggy back on that last statement about texting with Chris, he texted me something about Max Kellerman (I think, all those pundit guys are the same person to me) saying, “Aaron Rodgers is the GOAT, but he’s not the best of all time”. It’s those sorts of stupid statements that make me wonder how I’m not doing this for a living. As Chris said, “Maybe we’re just not dumb enough.”

Minnesota Vikings – So, I put the Tampa Bay Bucanners in this spot. Never mind my questionable grasp of geography. What does that say about both the Vikings and Tampa Bay? I mean, I guess Minnesota might make a run at something in this division? But, Tampa Bay has no chance. I don’t care what Simmons says.

NFC South (Maybe we can move Tampa with Jacksonville to London)

Atlanta Falcons – Hey, I knew the Falcons were first in this division without even looking it up! Maybe I’m not “completely” ignorant of football. I’m also on board the Matt Ryan bandwagon that they have boarding at the beginning of the season. This could be a big year for Matty Ice.

Carolina Panthers – I did have to look up that the Panthers came next. So, my knowledge of the NFC South only goes one team deep. The Panthers tend to have a weird on again/off again success loop between even and odd years. This is an odd year. However, can Cam Newton even throw a football anymore? He’s in Peyton Manning territory with the shoulder surgeries.

New Orleans Saints – I know the Saints seem snake bitten. However, I’m picking them as my “it” team this year. Maybe that’s exactly why I’m picking them. I like to go against the grain so that I look like a genius when the unexpected happens. Granted, picking the Saints to be good isn’t that off the grid, but there are some rumblings about Drew Brees being old. So, maybe I’ll get to shout “Take that, haters!” at some of the talking heads.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Simmons was also really high on the Bucs. This one made no sense to me. Jameis Winston is still their quarterback, right? And, when he sucks again, Fitzmagic isn’t even there to fake everyone out for a game or two. I almost find that pick more offensive than the Kellerman quote. He must have gotten an advance copy of the script.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading 2 Guys Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. This conference feels a bit more wide open than the AFC. Unlike the AFC where the Pats (Eff the Pats) are a clear favorite, it could be the Rams, Falcons, or Saints by my measure. I just hope that it doesn’t end with a screw job like last year.

That makes me perhaps more excited to watch the NFC this year than the AFC. Sure the AFC has Mahomes and Baker, but the NFC has Brees and Ryan. Their two games this year could score 250 to 300 points cumulative. I also made the comment that unless the LA Rams throw 75 times a game, their receivers aren’t going to be fantasy studs this year. Someone replied, “They very well could.” Bring on the season.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).