A few weeks ago, I wrote about my progress in painting some miniatures. Emboldened by that progress, I purchased a Warhammer 40k Recruit Edition starter kit from your local multinational conglomerate. As the images later show, I only assembled some of the Space Marines from that set. No paint, yet. In spite of that, I wanted to actually try some game play. As a result, what follows after a brief explanation are my Warhammer 40k gameplay first impressions.
Thankfully, the set comes with a map and some scenarios to teach you the rules in the context of actually playing the game. I still contend that the best way to learn is by doing. So, I sat down last night and I played through the first two scenarios. As he watched me set up the map, Quinn asked, “Is that Dungeons and Dragons?” “No, Warhammer,” I responded, “but it’s similar.” I realized too late that I should have asked him to play. Then, this article could have told parents how accessible the game is to kids. Based on my limited knowledge, quite. But, a missed opportunity in any case.
Band on the Run
This scenario finds three Space Marine soldiers against 5 Necron Warriors. I only assembled and painted 3 Necrons, so two empty based stand in for the other two. Also, as mentioned, no paint on the Space Marines. Next time, all models painted and ready for service. I promise.
Lone Wolf left on the battlefield
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I played through the scenario as read through and applied each rule. Surprisingly, the first two marines went down very quickly. After that, for some reason, the last guy stood his ground and tried to take on all five of the Necrons by himself. I honestly don’t know what I expected. He held his own for 5 or 6 turns before the dice ultimately betrayed him. After that, I came to my senses. Why not just run? The objective of the Marines was to make it to the other edge of the map to “reunite with their brothers”. So, I replayed the last few rounds of the scenario and he easily made it, thus ending in a draw, as the rules stated.
Surrounded!
In the second scenario, a sole Space Marine lieutenant (not 100% sure of the rank, but either a higher ranking soldier or simply a stronger one) squares off against a swarm of Necron bugs. This one introduces the player to close combat and the concept of units.
The official map
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Again, I ended up playing through this scenario twice. The first time, the bugs completely overwhelmed the single soldier. Maybe not completely shocking, but a bit surprising. Every part of the scenario talks about how strong and durable the soldier is and how squishy the bugs are. So, I reset everything, read through the rules again, referenced what I needed from the first scenario, and played again. This time, the marine held his own and eliminated the bugs with ease. That’s more like it.
The Verdict
My Warhammer 40k gameplay first impressions are overwhelmingly positive. The games move at a quicker pace than some other miniature games I played. Some of the rules take time to digest and work through, but that’s true about any game. Like I said in my introduction, I want to finish my armies and get out there and play an actual game. Before that, though, I have a couple of more scenarios to learn a few more rules.
I gave a first impression//preview of all of the new stuff in Battlegrounds at the beginning of the month. Even though I wrote it within a week of release, Blizzard still put out an emergency balance patch because the new Undead tribe came out a bit too spicy. At the time, I only played enough to know that much and that, as a consequence, the reworked hero Putricide followed in that OP-ness. So, after having played quite a few more games, I return to give a Battlegrounds February 2023 second impression.
I come into this article without much of a plan, to be perfectly honest. Is this a list of the strongest tribes? Doubtful. When have you ever known us to give tier or meta lists? What about my impressions of the game mode and thoughts about the longevity going forward. Getting warmer and I might include that as a bonus. Let’s just go with the obvious 2 Generations Gaming standby of my favorite new minions.
Favorite New Minions Honorable Mention
I picked these minions as either situational minions or ones that I think might be good if I ever figure out the situation for them. I actually end up taking General Drakkisath often. It gives two triggers for two of my favorite minions, explained below. Twitch chat loves Felemental. I see how repeated triggers might be beneficial. I always feel like I’m losing tempo though when I play it. Maybe the game offers me at the wrong time. We all know that I think these games have it out for me. I only take Deathswarmer when I think that I might go Undead.
Sinrunner Blanchy falls into the category of “haven’t figured out the situation yet”. What makes me laugh is that it should be easy. Beast and Undead both have numerous buffs available. And, yet, I continue to field a 4/4 with reborn and no buffs to be reborn with. Finally, Titus Rivendare only drops into this territory because it requires a very specific strategy. They reworked him so that multiple copies give extra triggers. But, let me show you the dumb build that got me second place.
And there you see in my hand, the horsie doing little.
Favorite New Minions 10 through 6
10 – Ghoul of the Feast – I probably rate this one too highly because I generally like to go Menagerie with my builds and this one ticks that box for me. But, if you’re here, it isn’t for my strategic analysis.
9 Possessive Banshee – This one buffs the Eternal Knight and the Horsie. But, as mentioned, I almost never get to take advantage of the best buffs on the horsie. If I ever get that one to work, though, you all will be the first to know.
8 Eternal Knight – Speaking of Eternal Knight, I always take the first one in hopes of getting the second one or the Banshee. Playing one without either of those cards just feels bad.
7 Blazing Skyfin – I love these minions that trigger based on other mechanics. Murlocs alone have an almost monopoly on good battlecries, so if I see this one early in the game, I pick this one without hesitation.
6 Colossus of the Sun – A larger Bronze Warden with the Undead tag? That fits so nicely in with my menagerie builds. Plus, the few times I run undead, he gives me the warm and fuzzies.
Favorite New Minions 5 through 1
5 Mecha-Jaraxxus – I remember when Chris first encountered Jaraxxus in game. He texted something about his opponent turning into a demon something or another and then he swore. He swears a lot when playing Hearthstone. I never got the Mecha-Jaraxxus skin. I guess I make up for it by picking this card every time.
4Cyborg Drake – Second only to my enjoyment of menagerie is divine shield build. This card fits right into that build. Not much more needs to be said.
3 Felstomper – Like many of the six drops, I don’t encounter Felstomper very often. But, the couple of times I played him, the game went well and I enjoyed the hell out of it. See the silly build above. Plus, just look at that art. How can you not smile when you see that?
2 Thorncaptain – Dear god, that one drop makes me giggle. I pick it every single time, often double it, and then hold on to both copies for way too long in the hopes of a triple. But, that’s the exact janktastic gaming you come to the page to see.
1Magmaloc – This comes as no surprise if you read my other article earlier in the month. They nerfed him down to a 4 drop and I think they nerfed his drop rate. But, I still force him into every single build as soon as I see the card.
The Verdict
I think I adequately figured out this Battlegrounds February 2023 second impression article. It truly captures the essence of our page. Just enough strategy to make you wonder. A heaping helping of jank that makes you wonder the other way. Thanks for reading. Another update tomorrow.
Battlegrounds February 2023 minion pictures taken from the main Hearthstone page.
I first leaked my plans to build a new Commander deck in my MTGONE Esper Cards article. I continued to refer to the deck in each one of the other articles of the series. Ever since then, I planned to release a Bant Commander update article during this week. However, instead of the planned big reveal of the deck, I can only reveal my commander (or commanders…that’s what we call a tease in the biz, folks) and some other strategery and deck talk. So, this Bant Commander EDH #1 comes in with slightly less fanfare than anticipated.
Now that I chose my commander and theme, deck building should go relatively quickly. Then, once I buy the cards and play against Chris and Jason, I write an assessment. If necessary, I tweak the deck for maximum efficiency or, more likely, maximum fun. Look for those updates in the coming months. For now, join me as I talk about cards.
The Genesis of the Deck
Mondrak, Glory Dominus
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The first cards that caught my eye was Mondrak, Glory Dominus. I considered building around him as the commander. That meant I could include Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines and even swap her in as commander if I wanted. Then, I saw Tekthal, Inquiry Dominus, and everything changed. I needed a UW commander, got less utility from swapping commanders out, and maybe weakened my deck overall. But, you know me. If it ain’t jank, then jank it. Further research showed me that most of the UW commanders weren’t good for the overall token and counters (not counterspell) theme. Enter, green.
Your power is…GREEEEEEN.
Green practically swims in counters of all types. In fact, writing this article reminded me of another card that I used to build a tiny leader deck. Yisan, the Wanderer Bard with proliferate can cheat out all sorts of stupid stuff. Into the 99 you go, Sir.
Bant EDH Update #1: Honorable Mention
Slurrk, All-Ingesting
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In order to find my perfect commander, I searched the Google machine. Initially, I looked for strictly proliferate/token decks, but found few. Either I am on the cutting edge here or I just janked myself into a continued losing streak. Whatever the result, I consider it a win. Then, I just searched Bant commanders and it took me to this page. Kros, Defense Contractor first caught my eye. Being fun police makes me irrationally happy, as you know. The added bonus of giving potential boons to my opponents makes it just the right amount of jank.
Alas, I abandoned the cat for the Angel. Jenara just makes +1/+1 counters ripe for proliferating. But, wait, there’s more! As I scrolled, the page reminded me of partner commanders. First, the Ojutai card and Slurrk also just make +1/+1 counters, but they also fit the jank quota. Second, the Ojutai card and the golem maker fit everything that my deck tries to do. So, it’s settled? Well, not quite.
Bant Partner Commanders I Love
Alharu gives me the +1/+1 counters and tokens that I want. Thrasios gives me card draw and possible ramp. Partner lets me sing Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend” whenever I get a chance to cast them both onto the battlefield together. Really, what more can I ask for from a commander deck?
The Verdict
I overpromised a bit with this Bant EDH Update #1. I think I under delivered a bit, too, but that’s okay. It doesn’t happen often enough around here that once in a while is okay. Now that I picked my commanders, though, the rest of the process will take no time to finish. I already got some ideas of cards to include in the deck. I think the next step after building will be to play around with the deck in xMage to get a feel for it. Be on the lookout for that.
Let me be honest here. I usually use the word “love” because my headline analyzer tells me that strong positive sentiment words drive more traffic. If true, those Russian bots indeed enjoy my positive headlines. However, at the risk of spoiling this article, in this case I mean it. The show, so far, tells a wonderful story in just the manner I enjoy. The Last of Us Part 1 covers episodes 1 through 3 of the show since I just finished episode 3 last night.
I intend to finish the remaining episodes by the end of the week, so maybe part 2 comes before Friday. Being vacation week, I planned the schedule pretty tightly and now we just saw the new Ant Man movie last night. So, of course, I need to add my two bits about that one. Also, I got the idea for another web page a couple of days ago. So, maybe I save part 2 for a less busy week.
Episode 1 – When You’re Lost in the Darkness
I informed social media that I started watching the show in spite of having never played the game. Several people warned me about a particular scene and the potential emotional damage caused. So, I already went in expecting something good. I got something…decent. When talking with some friends about the show, I felt like this episode went about 20-30 minutes too long.
I liked the episode. All of the characters made an impression on me. The scene in question moved me (more the second time I saw it in the recap for some reason) and I ended the episode wanting to see more. But, television and movies are different. I understand that Hollywood is trying new things because it feels like cinema is stagnating right now. But, making TV shows longer just for the sake of it ultimately blurs that line even more.
Sometimes less really is more. I would have to watch the episode again to see just where to trim, but I know there’s fat in there somewhere. In spite of that one sort of nebulous complaint, The Last of Us hooked me. It even made me want to play through the game. I’m sure I own it from some Humble Bundle sale. Score: 7.5/10 on this one.
Episode 2 – Infected
Talk about spoilers! This episode title gives away the big reveal. I’m sure anyone who played the game understood the reference right away. Those of us in the dark maybe continued to stumble in the dark as the fungi infected humans do while hunting our little party before realizing (like The Walking Dead before it) that titles often contain dual meanings.
This episode shows that not everything needs to be dark and gritty to be absolutely terrifying. The fungus that grows over the eyes of the infected in this episode displays as colorful, mimicking the actual spores found in nature. But, those clickers scared the shit out of me and I’m not one to spook easily anymore.
Hell, this episode made me pick up my phone and do a little research. You all know how much I love a show that makes me do my homework. Plus, I found this cool little Google trick that infects your phone with the fungus. And, at the end, they rip our hearts right out of our chests once again. Score: 8.5 out of 10.
Episode 3 – Long Long Time
This episode blew up my social media. After watching it, I see why. Exhausted, but wanting to experience it for myself, I stayed up way too late to finish it. My God. I can’t remember the last time I saw a television episode written, directed, and performed as well as this one. Breaking Bad? But, even that pales in comparison to the tragic beauty of this hour and fifteen minutes of television.
Bear in mind that once I realized that it was this episode, I went in with high expectations. The blueprint for disappointment, right? Wrong. It tells a love story with such tenderness and grace that I wonder how anyone anywhere sees anything more than that love. The story made me cry. The reaction that some have to homosexuality makes me sad.
In addition, the story helps to fill in some of the gaps from the first episodes and moves the story forward. Honestly, if they ended it here, I’d be a happy man. The fact that I still need to watch 3 more episodes both excites and terrifies me. But, I’m ready. Score: Honestly, on the scale, I give it a 10. But that feels both offensive and reductive. Just a masterful display of what a careful and creative team can do.
The Verdict
I hope the show hasn’t peaked too early. I know better than to compare different style episodes by the same standards. Also, thankfully, this isn’t The Walking Dead, so I don’t expect to be shocked into submission simply for the sake of that shock value. Again I hope to have part 2 done by the end of this week, but I hope you enjoyed The Last of Us Part 1.
I wrote about my success Betting the Bowl 2023 yesterday. The cliffs notes version (I discussed this with a student the other day. Do they even do cliffs notes anymore? I know they also had Spark Notes, but I never hear about them either) reads as follows. Local math teacher bets 99 cents to win back 93 cents. Extrapolate that out to any meaningful amount of money and I paid off my mortgage this year. But, there’s more to the Super Bowl than just betting. So, I present our Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem.
Wait, what? More to the Super Bowl than betting? Of course. Food. Commercials. Halftime show. And, oh yea, they played a game, too. Naturally, the game ended with controversy. I heard someone say that if you want to say the NFL is rigged, just look at the fact that Super Bowls always stay competitive until the end of the game and often with a reason to discuss them for at least a week after they end. But, we focus on the positive here.
Food (Not as Fancy as Years Past, But Still Tasty)
Those who follow the page know that we often don’t watch the game around here. In my house, only I care about football. So, I made a deal a few years ago with my family. Now, we pick a movie or television show and watch a marathon. I make the traditional types of food associated with the Super Bowl. Usually, I make jalapeno poppers, twice baked potatoes, chicken and beef sliders, and marinated chicken tenders (I know people get mad when you call them “wings” because people just get mad these days).
Hell, I could make people really apoplectic by saying they’re made out of cauliflower.
This year, I actually received an invitation to watch the game. My father in law invited me over to watch. Usually, he watches with my brother in law, but either he was busy or didn’t care because the Patriots were nowhere to be found this year. As a result, my mother in law made pasta for us and I spread the apps around the remainder of last week.
Commercials (Serena Proves Memorable, Everyone Else Needs a Reminder)
First, ignore the perversity of watching an event strictly for the commercials. I promise to leave my communist agenda at the door if you promise to agree that a billion dollars is too much money for one person to possess. Okay? Okay. Now, about those commercials.
Honestly, thinking back on them, I remember exactly one. Well, I remember two, but the second makes me so furious that I want t o murder who ever came up with the idea. You’re curious, aren’t you? Give me a chance. Maybe I’ll tell you. Okay, just because I want it done and over with. The fucking Jesus commercials. You have multiple billions of dollars to spend and you spend it on two Super Bowl commercials? What about the actual mission of Jesus to feed and clothe the poor? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry for the curse word, but it makes me so mad.
Think POSITIVE!!!
The only other one I remember without looking it up involves Serena Williams giving the Any Given Sunday speech. To show how ineffective I find advertisements, I have no idea what they advertised. Simply that Serena Williams gave the speech. So, yea, billions well spent.
After looking them up, I also enjoyed the Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts ad, mostly because I remember hearing about it when they filmed it. Seeing Jesse and Walt again brought back good memories. And, I danced a little bit with the couple on hold. Plus, one of my former colleagues posted that they used a local police department’s hold music. That made me smile. Other than that, I used the commercials as God intended, to use the bathroom. He definitely gets us.
Halftime Show (Is She? Am I Allowed to Ask that? Oh Wait, That’s Umbrella!)
Rhianna came out looking very pregnant. I refrained from asking the question because, ignorant of her situation, I wanted to remain respectful. So, I watched, and made a few comments in the group chat with Chris and Jason. My father in law finally broke the ice, so I looked it up. Rhianna performed the halftime show pregnant less than a year after giving birth. I don’t care who you are. That’s impressive. Except, remember how I said that people in this country get mad about everything. Yeah, a certain segment of the population in this country (or Russian bots pretending) got mad about it.
Dab on the haters. You go, girl!
My only complaint. She performed umbrella without Jay-Z. It made me even more upset when I saw that he attended the game. I understand that Jay-Z can do what he wants with his time, but can you imagine the reaction on Twitter? Oh well, I still enjoyed the show. Y’all should try not being such grumpy gusses.
Why I’m Mad the Chiefs Won
I came up with this half baked idea the other day when planning the article in my head. I think I wrote something along these lines when I wrote the preview article. I’m not mad the Chiefs won, but according to my social media, many of my friends and associates are. I wonder why.
5. Betting – I heard none of this talk from the people in my circle, but some of my podcasts talked about how the betting money went heavy in the favor of the Eagles. So, those who bet on the wrong side of the game got their narrative that the NFL fixed the game. Stay mad.
4. Mahomes – I love Mahomes. Granted, even I started to get sick of him a bit this year, so I suppose I sympathize with this line of thinking. Even so, watching him play football puts all of that out of my mind and I fall in love all over again. Stay mad.
3. Eagles Fans – Admittedly, I try not to associate with such lower life forms (I joke Iggs. I love all people), but I understand their pain here. My Steelers won way more Super Bowls than they lost (okay, I’ll stop piling on), but the ones they lost sting with that feeling of what might have been. Take solace in the fact that rarely do Super Bowl runners up ever make it back to the big game the next year and losing both coordinators makes it tougher. Okay, I’m done. But, seriously, stay mad.
2. Patriots Fans – Living in Massachusetts, I associate with many Patriots fans. I saw more than one piss and moan about how the Chiefs bled the last two minutes off the clock. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to make the comment. Patriots fans during this Super Bowl: I hate what the Chiefs are doing, but I find it strangely familiar and attractive. Stay mad.\
In bill we trust, but Eff Andy Reid, right? Sports are so weird.
1. Refs – Two weeks in a row, the Chiefs benefited from dubious calls at the end of the game. Part of the reason I started to turn on Mahomes was the hit out of bounds against the Bungs. Then, I remembered if not for that, the Bungs maybe went to the Super Bowl. So, eff that. Maybe you think the end of the game sucked. But, a textbook hold and Mahomes threw the ball that way to make sure they caught it on tape. The ref got caught in damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. He’s human. He made a split second decision. Stay mad.
Why I’m Elated the Chiefs Won
Now, we finally come to the reason for writing my Super Bowl LVII post mortem. Hey, I’m a fan, not a professional journalist. I owe nothing in the way of journalistic integrity. I already said that I love Mahomes and hate the Iggs and Bungs. So, the fact that they made those fan bases even more miserable gives me great schadenfreude.
Aside from that, and not to lecture too much, but it’s only a damn game. Like I said to my father when he asked at the beginning for a prediction. First, I said, I usually can predict with some confidence. Not so this year. So, I went with, “Don’t bet against Mahomes.” Then I said, I can’t even really come up with a reason to hate either of these teams except that I’m from Pittsburgh and we hate Philly for some reason. I guess I’m maturing.
I troll, but I love ya, Philly
So, I went with joy. I love Mahomes. Andy Reid deserves a few championships for recognizing and utilizing Mahomes to his full potential. Travis Kelce is a ridiculous talent, too. Juju got run out of Pittsburgh, so good on him for finding a soft landing spot. They all won and good for them.
Five Big Plays
A million years ago, I ran a Pittsburgh Steelers fan page. It existed so early in the days of the internet that it ranked as the #2 or #3 (depending on the week) such page at the time. During the evolution of the page, I came up with the idea for a five big plays section in recaps. I think I used it once before on this page, but don’t remember. Well, if so, the triumphant return of five big plays in this Super Bowl LVII post mortem!
5. KC wins the toss and defers: Not an earth shattering strategy. Most teams now defer to the second half when given the option. But, when Philly went right down and scored, I got a bit nervous. Then, Mahomes matched. Okay, game on. The strategy nearly paid off, but the Chiefs borked the end of the first half before righting the ship at halftime and coming out gangbusters in the second half. That all started with the very first decision of the game.
4. Jalen Hurts Fumble: This changed the entire complexion of the game. But, perversely, not how you expect. A. Philly looked almost unstoppable and they proved it for the rest of the first half. B. The Chiefs defense showed they came to play a bit. C. It kept Mahomes off the field for a ridiculous amount of time. So, no momentum shift and it weirdly benefited Philly. Yet, they took no advantage from it and that showed up later in the game.
3. Pacheco Touchdown: As mentioned, KC deferred. They took the opening kickoff right at Philly and Philly showed no capacity to handle the halftime adjustments made by KC. You want to look for a reason that KC won, look no further. Good experienced coach punks good young coach. Simple formula, really.
Plus, because of the terrible field, he almost blew out his ACL celebrating.
2. The Reversed Fumble: People want to talk about the officiating, but strangely leave this call out of the conversation. If this call stands, I think KC rolls for the rest of the game. Sure, Philly showed some sparks of life in the second half, but I think this play negates any of that if not overturned.
1. The Hold: I may sound very condescending here. I apologize in advance. I understand why people might be upset about this call. Many people who watch the Super Bowl, even those who watch football regularly, can be easily swayed by public opinion. And, yes, I might even be persuaded to agree that the call maybe needed to be ignored. But, I also explained up above how. Put yourself in that ref’s shoes. Really, honestly, think about it. See? We’re all human. And, honestly, it’s very large men playing a child’s game.
The Verdict
I enjoyed Super Bowl LVII. And, I enjoyed writing this Super Bowl LVII post mortem. I missed watching movies or television shows with my family. Especially as the kids get older, you get less and less of a chance of that. But, and not to get too personal here, we got through a lot as a family the last few years and came out stronger. So, those opportunities will present themselves again. I hope you enjoyed this version of the Super Bowl LVII post mortem and see you next year.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I plan to give the post mortem of the actual game. But, you know how we do things around there. Instead of throwing out half baked ideas as soon as the game ends in order to receive early accolades, we throw out half baked ideas after a week so that our bad ideas rise above the cacophony and illustrate just how bad they are. So, first, I present our Betting the Bowl 2023 Post Mortem.
You may remember that I tacked on a betting article at the end of last week as a final preview of the Super Bowl. I got the idea from simultaneous emails that arrived from both Draft Kings and FanDuel telling me about their sportsbook apps opening up in Massachusetts soon. They are eager to take my money. Perhaps they should heed the warnings of this post.
Stupid Prop Bets
The only prop bets I found to discuss in that earlier article were the coin toss (truly a sucker bet) and the Gatorade color. Vegas apparently needed the money this year (see the above picture for commentary) because they dumped purple (purple?! purple?! really?! purple?! I’m just trying to win a damn bet! Shoutout to Jim Mora there.) Gatorade in victory. Maybe next year I will throw some of my windfall (shot up to 10000 fake dollars with my other bets) into more prop bets when the sportsbooks are actually live.
Single Dollar Bets
Even on these stupid bets I made up on the spot to try to ride on the coattails of Simmons, I cleaned up as you will see. Since I only put a dollar overall into the bets, I cleared less than a dollar profit, but you all can do that math. So, let’s do the math.
Most Sure Bet (confidence: high): If you bet the Chefs to win, Mahomes was MVP. I got a bit nervous at the end because Hurts went TF off and I looked at my father in law and said, “If the Chiefs win, can they give Hurts the MVP?” I mean, the guy deserved it. But, the 0.25 parlay paid 0.93 cents and I already made my money back. Cha ching. Lost as a result (0.05 for the Iggs equivalent and crazy 0.10 for Iggs/ Sweat MVP parlay).
Most Sure Bet (confidence level: irrationally high): 0.25 to win 1.75 for Kelce to score first. Chiefs won toss and deferred, so….
Throw Me a Frickin Bone! (confidence level: high): 0.10 to win 0.80 for Hurts to score first. All it took was a questionable call taking it away from Gainwell (16 to 1) and then that ridiculous rugby play to get him there, but 0.80 richer because of it!
Living on the Edge: 0.10 to win 0.08. I called this one wrong because I thought the Chiefs might put this one over in the first half. Turns out the Iggs and their ridiculous rugby play paid this one out in no time. I should watch more football if I’m going to bet on this stupid sport.
Sevens Heaven: Last 0.14 to win 0.13. Tossed this one in to get down to my silly penny parlay. Both teams scored in the first quarter. Easiest money ever.
So, keeping score, I bet 0.99 and made back a profit of 0.94. Pretty damn good if I say so myself.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
I came up with the idea of using my last penny to put together a parlay that, if successful, paid out over 100 dollars. Once I started putting together the bet, it became pretty easy to get it over 100. The actual bet paid out 133.90 (a. if successful and b. if it won)
Before I go on, let me say that I know how parlays work. And I know this one sunk from the get go. But, still, 5 out of 7 hits isn’t a bad percentage and I’d take that any time on single bets. I think next time I might play around with the format and increase it to 1 million dollar payout on a penny. bet. That might be pushing it, but I will get it as high as I can while still making the parlay reasonable.
The Verdict
My betting the bowl 2023 post mortem is mostly a positive. An almost 1:1 payout on basically 5 bets (as some auto failed on the success of others is pretty good. Also, I picked the last two winners and last two MVPs from this year and last year. I said to my father in law several times, my dad always told me not to bet on a game where the ball bounces funny and I intend to keep that line. Still, I had fun and can’t wait to be back next year bigger and better.
Ever since discovering Unix based operating systems and then eventually Linux, I set up all of my computers as dual boot machines now. Honestly, I can’t think of a reason that I still have Windows on this laptop. In the past, I kept a version of Windows for gaming. However, most of my games that I play now are on mobile. What does any of this have to do with Enter the Gungeon?
Patience, my friend. I intend to answer that question. Since I never boot Windows on this machine, I downloaded and loaded Steam in Linux. It helpfully includes a list of Linux compatible games. Unfortunately, for some reason, you can only play 1 Screen Platformer on Windows. But, even though I miss one of my favorite games, Steam still offers quite a few others.
Bullet Hell? That Sounds Interesting
Because I purchased this computer mainly for updating this web page and the minor audio/video editing necessary to that end, I only trust it to run less powerful games. Sure, when I open it, Steam tempts me with games like Portal 2 and Left 4 Dead. But, I know my limitations. So, intrigued by the visuals, I loaded up Enter the Gungeon.
Even having lived through the various eras of gaming, I still can’t reliably explain what bit a game might be or why. I know the general go-to is 8-bit, which means the games run on hardware comparable to the NES. Even the font that I use for the page advertises as an “8-bit font”. But, I don’t remember any of the letters looking that detailed back in the old NES days. Heck, I worked the last couple of years to pick up some computer programming experience and I still can’t make heads or tails of it. But, I digress.
Retro. Enter the Gungeon is a retro style “bullet hell” game. What, exactly, is bullet hell? Well, after some research, I can finally tell you what “rogue like” and “rogue light” games are. So far, nothing inspired me to research “bullet hell”, but let me try to explain. Bullet hell games revolve around a randomly generated dungeon crawl with multiple enemies per level that you shoot using a variety of moves and targeting techniques. Man, that sounds good. Maybe I missed my calling as a marketing executive for small game designers.
Seriously, Though, What Does That Mean?
When you start the game, you get a choice of four characters. Having only played a couple of times and I chose the same character each time, I can only assume that the characters have different abilities. I can confirm in a future article about the game. After choosing your character, you get to play through a tutorial set of levels that gives you helpful hint of how to play the game.
If you are like me, you promptly forgot most of those hints. Either that, or you don’t possess the skill necessary to utilize them efficiently and effectively. I’m sure that with time my skill level will improve and I might even last until one of the boss fights to use the hints they gave me. Aside from all of that, you move your character and shoot your gun. I believe the bullet hell comes from the fact that you can constantly shoot and move yourself in full 360 with little to no penalty.
Enemies of various style and difficulty greet you with every new level. Again, if you pride yourself in being a noob like me, then it takes more than a couple of plays to figure out the best way to approach every type of enemy and style of room.
The Verdict
Even given my limitations, I enjoyed the game. I want to lead it up and play more. Who knows, with more free time next week, maybe I even get good, as the kids say. We all know stranger things happened. See you tomorrow for the next installment of Noob’s Book Club. Or, will I? That’s what we call a teaser in the biz.
A few weeks ago, a post came across my Facebook feed from That’s Entertainment, the best local comic book store within 50 miles of my house. They said that they planned to host a miniature painting contest that was beginner friendly. I, very much a beginner when it comes to painting miniatures, immediately followed the link and signed up. And, so starts the story of how I entered a painting contest.
Technically, I actually entered nothing. They gave us 3 hours to start painting at the store. I took advantage of two of those hours and then wandered around the store for about 45 minutes to look for some back issues and find some new series to read. The latest TMNT story looks awesome and now I think I might order some older trades like the one for “The Last Ronin”.
The Miniature in Question
A few other competitors recognized this monster from their travels in Dungeons and Dragons. They also seemed to come in with plans and color schemes. Since I mostly just played with Quinn and the kids at school, I never encountered a hellwasp in game. I came in with the plan to try to make it look as much like the instructions as possible. To borrow a phrase from The Lego Movie, “I like to follow the instructions.”
I went with what I knew and primed the model black. Some others primed in their primary color and I think I might try that technique on some of my models because I like the look of their models. Also, the black base swallowed some of the highlights from the drybrush and made the model look dark. Another painter said the same thing about his.
Progress Pictures
Back View
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I like that the camera picks up some of the detail that my eye misses. Makes me feel better about my technique. Because, looking at it while I was painting, I felt defeated. Nothing worked out the way I wanted and I started to think that I wasted 15 dollars. Then I saw the pictures and I found the inspiration to keep going. I felt excellent after painting the wings. I really like how they look.
The Finished Product (For Now)
I still have to do some work. It looks too blue for my liking. The actual one has more of a purple look, but that’s not too big a deal. I also want to blend the wings better. But, when I showed it off to my family, Liam said, “That looks cool!” So, I felt even better about it. Join me in a couple of weeks so you can hear the actual story of how I entered a painting contest.
Surely, you anticipated more being written about the big game this year. We gave it such an impressive title, after all. To be perfectly honest, until I got an email from both Fanduel and DraftKings this morning about their sportsbooks being available in Massachusetts soon, I planned no such update. But things move fast around here, and now I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.
Neither of the books is actually live yet. They legalized sports gambling in Massachusetts on my birthday, but I assume that the books in the state got some sort of dispensation to operate before the internet books get their chance. So, as of now, these bets are still only theoretical.
Stupid Super Bowl LVII Prop Bets
As they often do, Simmons and Sal inspired me a bit in this article, too. I listened to them as I half listened to online PD at work today. They mentioned how when they started the podcast, prop bets were still a novelty and not many existed. Sal said that one book listed over 2000 this year. A Google search only gets me about a dozen.
Quite possibly the dumbest bet is the coin toss. You’re either paying 5 dollars to be right or you are paying 105 dollars to be wrong. Both are equally stupid in my opinion. But, I saw they also have odds on winning the coin toss and winning the game. For both teams, those offer plus odds and some intrigue to the proceedings. Then again, if you put money on the coin toss in any bet, perhaps you need to call one of those numbers they advertise on the sites.
They also allow you to bet the Gatorade color. At least that requires some thought. Supposedly blue leads the last few years, but that seems unlikely given the two teams playing. If the Chefs win, they probably repeat orange (+250) from their previous win. The Iggs went with yellow last time. With a +350, you also get green on this bet. I think the best bet you can make every year is the over on the anthem. People always mug the anthem at the Super Bowl.
I expected this section to be longer. But, without access to an actual book, I encountered difficulty finding some of the wackier bets.
Single Dollar Picks
I also stole this idea directly from Simmons. But, while he makes million dollar picks, I thought it might be funny to have single dollar picks. I want to take a dollar, split it up among actual bets I might make before the game. Then, with a single penny, I want to try to put together a parlay that will pay over 100 dollars if it hits. This is how I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.
Most Sure Bet (but the ball bounces funny in this game): 0.25 to win 0.93. If the Chefs win, Mahomes wins MVP, so why not tack on the extra plus money. It just makes sense.
Most Sure Bet (even if the ball bounces funny): 0.25 to win 1.75. I call this one the “take out a second mortgage” bet. Kelce to score first.
Run It Back (who is the MVP if not the QB?): 0.05 to win 0.17. If the Iggs win (and anything is possible when Andy Reid Andy Reids it up) I’m not positive that Hurts is the MVP. But rarely does anyone but the QB win. More on that later.
I Got Nothing (who is the Iggs MVP?): 0.10 to win 36.08. I have no confidence in Hurts as the MVP. The Iggs could easily win with him having Roethisbergian numbers circa Super Bow XL. So, I went completely bonkers with this bet and wrote in Josh Sweat as MVP.
Throw Me a Frickin’ Bone! (I’m the regular season MVP!): 0.10 to win 0.80. Hurts, on the other hand, has good odds to be the first TD scorer.
Living on the edge (They converted one with Chad frigging Henne): 0.10 to win 0.08. -130 that over 1.5 4th down conversions are made. I think the Chefs hit that number before halftime and the odds reflect that.
Sevens Heaven (Unless they miss an extra point): 0.14 to win 0.13. Both teams score at least one touchdown in the first half. I needed something to throw the last 14 cents until I get to my penny bet.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
I thought of this idea as ridiculous. However, once I got going and putting in numbers, it actually became pretty easy to come up with a plausible parlay that pays out over 100 on a single penny bet. Here goes.
Chefs win (+105)
Mahomes MVP (+130)
Kelce First TD (+700)
Either team gets a 2 point conversion (+245)
Both teams score 30+ (+900)
Game goes into overtime (+929)
A single penny pays out 133.90 if this hits.
The Verdict
In all honesty, all of these bets are strictly fictional. I started keeping a spreadsheet with my bets starting with 1000 dollars. I fluctuated during the playoffs and came out ahead 6000 dollars during the Super Bowl. But, I’ll let you in on a secret from last year. Most of my bets from that Super Bowl came during the game and I lost a lot of them. Then, I cleaned up with a Rams win/Kupp MVP parlay. And, so Betting the Bowl 2023 exists only in fantasy right now.
Friday during the week of our Magic the Gathering previews means that we pick up all of the miscellany; multicolored, colorless, and lands. Can I admit that, secretly, I enjoy this article the most out of the three that I write? When I open packs, I still act like a preteen when I see that golden border. Like Pavlov’s dog, I salivate regardless of how terrible the card. And, artifacts, even though they changed from the iconic brown to silver, it still offers just enough of a difference that I double take to see the card. With all of that being said, join us for MTGONE Miscellany Edition. But, first a story.
It also means that we probably played some of the cards in the set on MTGA. As it happens, I played Mondrak and it feels just as oppressive as I thought it might. My mono red opponent launched two lightning strikes at it, ignoring my face. That’s when I knew I picked a winner. However, I misplayed because the card plays more like a 5 mana drop because of the ability. In that case, one of those bolts most definitely would have found my face instead. So, who knows how the game ultimately played out in that alternate universe.
MTGONE Lands I Love
Phyrexian Swamp
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I usually only pick lands because of their jankiness. I know spikes like their fetches and enemy duals or whatever, but I have little use for them. Once in a while, like now, I choose lands with art that simply inspires me. These qualify in a big way. I love every single one of these. Maybe even more than the constellation art from Theros.
Infected Swamp
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Once upon a time, I wrote the Phyrexian language off as a gimmick. More recently, I softened my stance. Ever since I saw my beloved Jace compleated, I went so far as to search if you can cure the infect. It turns out that you can, but things end up grim if you do. Then, I saw these lands. I know they might fetch a hefty price tag, but I want them for my Mondrak deck.
MTGONE Colorless Cards Honorable Mention (Monument to Standard Lands, A Stupid Sword, and Skullbomb)
Monument to Perfection
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Monument to Perfection made me search whether Golos, Tireless Pilgrim got the banhammer. He did. Otherwise, that card, along with the new crucible, are just straight busted. Texting Chris and that one just might be anyway. Maro teased a new sword a couple of days before the reveal and, of course, the MTG community absolutely lost their shit. Other than a stupid name, the card seems pretty good. Not as good as some of the other swords, but every cycle needs the underpowered version. Speaking of cycles, they gave us a skullbomb cycle. I like this one enough to include one or two in the control deck I mentioned in the previous article.
MTGONE Colorless Card I Love (The Filigree Sylex)
Yes, I understand that artifact and enchantment hate abound in every format of Magic the Gathering. With that being said, if I can resolve both the wrath and the “ultimate” of this card just once, I can die a happy man.
The Verdict
Overall, the MTGONE miscellany edition disappoints. But, as I mentioned, with every pack I open that contains a golden or silver card, it takes me back to being 12 years old and thinking that those colors meant something special. Also, those lands are just absolutely gorgeous. Plus, that Sylex gives me something to attempt every time I play my control deck in Arena.
