Introduction
Shortly after our tour of Peach’s Castle, we set off to travel for our other scheduled visit while in the area, Koopa Kingdom Cribs. Technically, our host, Bowser, responded first to our inquiry. However, a mix up in processing delayed our paperwork necessary to travel to the other kingdom. A call to the man himself cleared everything up quickly and we heard rumors that the clerk responsible for the error tragically fell into a pool of lava. Bowser, eager to host, ensured us of no more snags.
The Arrival
True to his word, experienced no more paperwork SNAFUs. However, security at the border was understandably intense. Not difficult, necessarily. Just…intense. Unlike Peach’s castle guards, you can tell that the ones at the border received far less traffic. While the Lakitu in the guard house glared at us with suspicion, his partner peppered us with dozens of question, only a quarter of which were actually related to our border crossing. His curiosity sated and his partner’s distrust most definitely not, they let us through into Bowser’s domain.
The transition happens so rapidly that you can’t help but wonder how the two realms stay separate and don’t bleed into one another. Unfortunately, the environment of Koopa Kingdom prevents you from dwelling too much on that though. Fireballs arc over you as you travel. Koopas and Dry Bones both wander the islands that dot the lava seas. I see now that calling them pools diminishes both the size and sheer awe inspiring splendor of them. These are oceans of lava.
The road continued to wind up a mountain. Near the top, I realized the truth. This was no mountain. This was a fortress built into the side of a volcano. We pulled up to the front gates. Bowser stood there, arms crossed, a huge smile on his face. He must have seen our shocked faces because he let out a a bellowing laugh as we exited the carriage. The carriage driver barely let us exit before pulling away rapidly. I started to wonder how we’d make it out. Green Toad, silent since we started the journey, let out a whimper and positioned me as a shield against the King.
The Starting Line
Bowser locked eyes with me and made a gesture. The massive doors swung open. “Welcome to Castle Bowser.” Heat rolled out to us in waves, causing me to cover my eyes. When the heat abated, I opened them again. This was no ordinary castle. There was no ball room. No grand dining hall. No throne room. Instead, the main hallway was a track. Wider than the approaching road. Winding into the distance. Built for speed.
“Huh.” I said. “You race here.”
Bowser grinned. “Best course in the Kingdom. Maybe in all of the Mushroom Cup.”
“Actually,” Green Toad offered, “it’s from the Star Cup.”
“Yes, of course. Last track in the Star Cup.” Bowser focused his gaze on Green Toad. He again tucked himself beside me to avoid that gaze. “You know racing, my boy. Good lad.”
Bowser pointed behind us to the starting line. I then noticed that we stood on a stone bridge that led to the wooden bridge we are standing on and then into the courtyard. “This is where it all starts,” he says as he unconsciously leads us to the courtyard. “The countdown, the start, the rush. Some don’t make it.” He laughs. Green Toad sneaks a peek over the edge, but quickly backs up. “Fire breathing statue. It’s mostly just for decoration. Harmless. Mostly.”
The Castle
He takes us through the castle portion of the track with the thwomps. Green Toad asks about the laughing green thwomp in the cell. Bowser laughs. “That’s Marty.” He says without offering more of an explanation. We passed through the corridor. The thwomps hug menacingly in the air. Bowser points. “You make it through here, and you’ve proven yourself a racer.” As we walked, Bowser gained speed. It took everything to keep up with him. Clearly, he was reliving several of his past races.
A right, a right, a left, another bridge, a right, the stairs, a right, a right, another left, and finally he paused on another wooden bridge. Green Toad cleared his throat. Bowser shot him a look. He tugged at my shirt. “Is it really smart to be standing on a wooden bridge with all this lava around us?” Bowser’s expression darkened more. I shrugged and gave Bowser an inquisitive look. He laughed. “Relax. we have the best engineers in the kingdom working on this track. You only need to worry about your. driving skill when you’re out here. He pointed again.
“There it is.” He says proudly. “The ramp. Hit it right and you’re off. Miss and…” He stops and shrugs. We know the implications. “Okay, that’s the tour. What do you think?”
“Very impressive,” I say. Green Toad nods, more out of self preservation than actual agreement. “Ah, right on time.” Koopa Clown Cars hover down to meet us on the bridge. “The cars will take you back to the border. I hope you come to visit again soon.” He jumped so high into the air that we can no longer see him.
The Return
As we make our way back in the Koopa Clown Cars, Green Toad clears his throat. “He meant that. This isn’t his main castle. He wants us to come back.” I look back at the castle receding into the distance. Eight karts with their drivers are pulling up to the starting line. Bowser sits in the pole position. “Interesting,” I mutter. I know I will be back.