All posts by Noob of All Trades

Shawn Lucas is the self identified "Noob of All Trades". He is married and the father of three boys, two of whom help with their own podcast every couple of months. Raised on Atari, Nintendo, and Sega, he enjoys all games and will play all of them to the best of his ability, which is often average at best. Currently, he is most interested in Magic, Heroclix, and other games that he can play with Chris and his sons.
Snap *censored* Pop Culture

2023 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem

Leave a comment

Introduction

I found myself home alone on Saturday as the Chefs/Jags game started. So, I did what any red blooded middle aged American male would do. I listened to the Lumineers on vinyl, built a Lego Lamborghini, and watched the game. My wife and youngest came home from the swim meet during the game, but they went off to their own thing. I watched neither the Iggs/Gynts nor Bungs/BIlls because I knew how they’d end. Fittingly for the losing teams, a true 2023 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem.

The Lambo in question. Pretty cool set.

I kept an eye on the 9ers/Pokes via Gamecast and the text chain with Jason and Chris. I even started to believe for a bit that maybe the Pokes could pull off the upset. Alas, glad they didn’t because my 9ers/Bungs fake future plus the parlay that I doubled up Sunday morning both still play.

Chefs and Mahomes Play Dead, 27-20

I texted Chris during the game, “Rut roh, Mahomes is hurt.” Then, Chad Henne came into the game and threw a touchdown pass. And, then, Mahomes miraculously came back to hobble/hop/skip his way through some bad passes and ultimately the gutsy win. Tape it, shoot it with painkiller, and get out there, Kid. The NFL won’t make billions without you.

Iggs Silence Gynts and “Sharps”, 38-7

I gave this a sentence or two in the preview. That’s all it deserves. But, my fake tease paid, so that’s nice.

Buffalo Buffalos it Finally, 27-10

I like Josh Allen. I like the city of Buffalo and the Bills. What I don’t like is being right about this team and what it does to my brain. I feel so badly for the city of Buffalo. Cigarette Smoking Man, if you’re out there, remove the curse please. I can’t watch this team rip out the hearts of their fans every year like this.

Pokes Buffalo It, Too, 19-12

Other than the aforementioned and ultimately false hope, and the weird score, I don’t care that much about Dallas or their football team or this game. Like I said, I doubled up on a Bungs/9ers fake moneyline parlay earlier in the day, so I hoped for a 9ers win. Other than that, just go away.

The Verdict

Early in the playoffs, I said how much I didn’t want to see a 9ers/Bungs Super Bowl. Then, on my fake bet sheet, I filled them out as the “likely” combination. With a hobbled Mahomes and an overconfident Iggs team, that might just pay off. Oh well, I never watch the game anyway, so what do I care? 2023 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem in the books. Conference Championship Extravaganza coming up at the end of the week.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

Snap *censored* Pop Culture

2023 NFL Divisional Round Spectacular

1 Comment

Introduction

In our coin flip post mortem, we worried about the Bills, hated the Jags, Bolts, VIkings, and GIants, and didn’t care all that much about the 9ers, Hawks, Bungs, and Rats. In a shocking turn of events, we liked the Cowboys more than any other team last weekend. I guess all I can say about that is, “Thank goodness Mahomes is back this weekend.” He is the only thing making this 2023 NFL Divisional round spectacular.

On that subject, Christine, Craig, Leanne, and I went to the UMass/UConn hockey game last night. The alma mater lost a heartbreaker, 4-3, in overtime. In spite of that, we enjoyed the game. And what does any of this have to do with Mahomes? Well, Craig and I caught up on our usual sport talk. And, he mentioned that he hated Mahomes. Wait, what? I might have to reconsider this friendship after all these years.

Besides, look at these seats!

Jags at Chefs, Saturday 4:25pm

As it happens, Mahomes plays in our first game. Most people think the Chefs roll. The NFL scheduling department clearly believes that, too. They put this as the Saturday matinee because they know the only people watching then are fans of the teams and the degenerate gamblers. Even though that’s not me, what I say next will give you pause. I put a fake 480 on a KC/Phi 6.5 point tease. Still, I plan to meet Christine and Quinn for dinner after his swim meet.

Gynts at Iggs, Saturday 8:15 pm

The sharps all like New York in this game. Other than the fictional money I just mentioned, I don’t care one way or another who wins this game.

Bungs at Bills, Sunday 3:00 pm

I worry again about the Bills this weekend. Like everyone, I want a repeat of Bills-Chefs from last year. However, as I said to Craig yesterday, while I like Allen, I hate him, too. He thinks he’s Mahomes. It doesn’t need to be said. Nevertheless, after that amazing analysis up there, I need to flesh this section out a bit more. So, let me definitively say, “Josh, sweetie, you are no Patrick Mahomes.” Stop trying to be. Play within your game and you will be fine against the Bungs. Because, if I get mothereffing Joe Burrow in the Super Bowl again, I hold you personally responsible.

Pokes at 9ers, Sunday 6:15pm

If I bet on this stupid sport, I’d put my mortgage on the 9ers in this game. They, by far, come into this weekend as the most complete and healthy (in spite of Jimmy G-sus) team. The Pokes defense, when they want to be, can absolutely smother teams. I don’t see that happening this weekend against San Fran.

The Verdict

Truly, only Mahomes makes this 2023 NFL Divisional Round spectacular. Craig said that any potential matchup next weekend is okay with him. I agreed last night, but must have been high on the potential of the hockey game. Today, in the light of a new day, I want Bills/Chefs and Iggs/Pokes. So, we are sure to get Bungs/Chefs and Iggs/9ers. See you next week for the post mortem and conference championships extravaganza.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

On the Tabletop

Shadow of the Dragon Queen

Leave a comment

Introduction

I told the story several times already. This year Christine asked the boys to put together Christmas lists. She requested several items needed and several items wanted. I never ask for anything for Christmas. While I love the spirit of Christmas, I find the actual holiday abhorrent. A day dedicated just to buying stuff? Gross. For some reason, though, I gave in this year and put together a list. On the list, I included Dungeons and Dragons books. I meant Shadow of the Dragon Queen.

Instead, Christine bought me Dragons of Deceit. Initially disappointed, I quickly recovered. Weis and Hickman, as you know, wrote the book. I love Weis and Hickman. Also, I got the idea to record the book club podcast and actually kept a schedule, more or less. Episode 3 comes out tomorrow or Saturday (pending a snow day) with Chapter 4 and 5.

From Disappointment…Hope, Then Disappointment

Because Santa dropped off the “wrong” present for me that actually ended up working out okay, I ordered the source book myself. I kept trying to talk myself out of the deluxe edition with the board game and ultimately failed. What can I say? I’m a sucker for those gimmick board games based on the other successful franchises I enjoy.

I can’t comment on the quality of the game. I haven’t had a chance to even look at it other than the box. It looks interesting and I always like to play those cooperative board games. We played Professor Evil and the Citadel of Time often and everyone joins in. I need to read the rules so that we have a chance to play over February break. Come back in March for my review.

The source book itself underwhelms. I expected a more robust campaign setting updated to 5th edition. Instead, they give us some rules on the special ancestries and subclasses of Krynn for the first few chapters. Then, the rest of the book is simply an adventure. Funny how things change. I remember wishing as a teenager that they released more adventure modules for the characters I built in Dragonlance.

The Verdict

Ultimately, like the novel, I like Shadow of the Dragon Queen in spite of potential warts. The adventure promises to bring some joy to a playgroup either at home or in school. At least Quinn and I will play through the board game once. Christine suggested that I try it with Quinn and his friend Tristan. Okay, plan on meeting here in about a month and a half for that recap.

Snap *censored* Pop Culture

NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post Mortem

1 Comment

Introduction

Someone called us out on the page many years ago. They said it focused too much on pop culture and not enough on gaming. After that, I changed the tagline to reflect my “occasional pop culture musings”. During especially active times, that includes movie and TV show reviews. Mostly, I just cover major NFL and college events. One of my favorites ever year is the NFL Wild Card weekend, which I dubbed the Coin Flip Weekend. The NFL, as always tried to upsell us by attaching a “super to the beginning.” I refuse, so this is just a regular old NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post mortem.

Because, honestly, I found none of the games particularly compelling. I think the most controversial thing I texted all weekend was in response to the Bills-Fins game, “Another choke job in the making?” Buffalo played just well enough to avoid that, but I worry about my boy Josh Allen against the horseshoe up Cincy’s ass. More on that in the preview Saturday morning before the games. I forgot until the last minute about my annual previews of the playoffs. Fear not, fans of Flip! I included all of the prognostications in my post mortem.

This year, we upgraded Flip to a Greek coin, a Silver Tetradrachm Bactria bearing the bust of Eucratides. Blame random.org and my weird obsession with Greek things.

Frisco Spanks the Seachickens, 41-23

Prognostications: I picked Frisco. Flip had the 49ers by a count of 52-48.

I admit to thinking that Seattle might have a shot to pull off the upset. Then Brock Purdy things happened (and who knew at the beginning of the year that we would have Brock Purdy things happening in the playoffs?) and Frisco cruised. But they can never take the fact that Geno Smith outperformed Russell Wilson in a major way and reinforced my belief in NFL karma.

Jags Come Back On the Bolts, 31-30, and Shock the World

Prognostications: I foolishly backed the Bolts. Flip believed, 55-45.

Well, they shocked me. Okay, I woke up mildly surprised after catching up on the text chain and seeing the result of the game. You think I’d have more loyalty to the Jags. One year in fantasy football, riddled by injuries at the QB position, I rode Blake Bortles the last few weeks right to one of my two championships. But, like all of the AFC South (and honestly NFC South this year), the best I can muster is thundering indifference. Honestly, I wish we just sent them all overseas and try the NFL Europe experiment again.

Buffalo nearly Buffalos It Away Against the Fins, 34-31

Prognostications: I picked Buffalo in blowout. Flip split it 50-50 with the tiebreaker going to Miami.

A few years ago (maybe many at this point), Buffalo played against New England. They dominated the whole game only to see Golden Boy and the Pats come back on them in spectacular fashion. The game ended on a muffed special teams play and New England won. All I texted Chris was, “That’s why you’re Buffalo.” And, in spite of having a once in a lifetime talent at quarterback, they are still Buffalo.

Gynts and Vikings Forget Their Defenses, 31-24

Prognostications: I picked the Gynts, along with all of the other sharps. Flip gave the Vikings the edge, 51-49

While that score is not particularly high, this game featured almost no defense. Every time I looked up, one team or the other easily gained 15-20 yards and both teams scored seemingly at will. I mean, we all knew Minny was fraudulent all year, but did they have to prove it so convincingly in the playoffs? Ye gods.

Bungs Break Rats’ Hearts, 24-17

Prognostications: Both Flip and I leaned heavily for the Bungs. Him, 55-45

I picked the Bungs. I even put them into one of my fictional future bets to make the Super Bowl. For what it’s worth, I also threw together a long shot of Rats/Pokes that would have paid off my mortgage if it hit. Then, I tuned into the game and witnessed the mess that all AFC North games become and posted. “I’m rooting for the meteor.” Old rivalries die hard, ya’ll Then, I hoped on hope that 1st and goal from the 2 meant that the Rats would pay my mortgage. Alas, the Bungs somehow scored instead and I thought NFL Gamecenter might be drunk. It happens more than you think.

Pokes Get Revenge for Gisele, 31-14

Prognostications: Both I and Flip (54-46) knew Brady is old, but the old man still puts a spook in us.

I texted something about finally being vindicated because Rodgers missed the playoffs and Brady threw for less than 100 in the first half of this game. The “media” started caping pretty hard for the two old guys late in the season and I’m glad they both got theirs. Jason accused me of jinxing it, which I might have, but not even the powerful Lucas jinx can defeat Father Time.

The Verdict

The AFC gives us some potentially great games. The NFC returns serve with two potential ass whippings. I forgot the Coin Flip preview, but remembered the NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post Mortem. Hopefully that bodes well for the previews and post mortems for the remainder of the playoffs. Who knows, we might even get a cameo from the original USFL. What’s that? A teaser? Stay tuned and find out.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

Digital Playground

Red Dead Redemption II: Cowboy Up!

Leave a comment

Introduction

I never played any Grand Theft Auto. Imagine my surprise then when GTA 3 released. I searched and found the first two games were top down racers. Then it made sense why I never played them. But, I played the heck out of 3 and then Vice City. I stopped playing during the San Andreas days. I actually forgot about Rockstar Games until the first Red Dead Redemption. Then, over Christmas break, I remembered that I owned Red Dead Redemption II.

I know the game doesn’t technically fit into the New Year, New Games theme of the month. Liam watched me play briefly and said, “This game looks really good. Makes me even madder that Pokemon is so buggy.” I replied, “Yeah, and it’s a four year old game.” But, I only recently discovered and started playing it. Plus, I needed another digital playground article for the month. And, so, Red Dead Redemption II gets included. Besides, it’s my page. I can do what I want.

Humble Beginnings

I thought I might not even get a chance to write this article. As I played through the tutorial and introduction, I got increasingly irritated and more bored. Then, during the chase quest, after I failed, I restarted the entire quest. Christine remarked when I said how much I liked the game, “Oh yeah, it sounded like it as you swore at it this morning.” But, once I figured out how to start the specific quest and not the whole chain, it got better.

Plus, I got to play with the lasso a bit more in that quest, so no harm, no foul.

I only finished a few more quests. I got to the part where the snow finally starts to melt before Aiden took the XBox back upstairs. As a result, I probably won’t play much more Red Dead Redemption II until Febrary break. Quinn and Aiden both have commitments (soccer for Aiden and swim and scouts for Quinn), so we won’t travel during that break. We planned on going to Niagara Falls for April, but nothing in February. I can come back then to update on my progress.

The Verdict

Initially, I joked that Red Dead Redemption was just GTA with horses. After playing it, I enjoyed it so much more than I ever liked GTA. Other than GTA 3, I never beat any of those games. I played the original RDR until I beat it and then I played after to finish up some other Easter eggs in the game. I probably bought RDR II shortly after that. But, with the XBox in Aiden’s room most of the time, I never played it until this past Christmas. I plan to bring the XBox back downstairs during February break and you better believe that I’m going to play cowboy during that week off.

On the Tabletop

Failing Up(?) in Pathfinder Solo

1 Comment

Introduction

A few weeks ago, I received an email from Humble Bundle. It contained information to receive a free (or discounted) copy of the Pathfinder Beginner Box. Always on the lookout for new games (especially since we are in New Year, New Games), I filled out the required information. The shipment came a week or two before Christmas. I spent part of Christmas looking through the set and learned about the Pathfinder solo adventure.

Like the D&D counterpart, it comes with some premade characters, an abbreviated version of the player’s handbook and dungeon master’s guide, a set of dice, and additional character sheets. Unlike Dungeons and Dragons, it also includes a solo adventure for those of us with no friends. Okay, that’s not entirely true. Quinn likes to play RPGs with me.

Choose Your Own Death

I took some time the other day to play through the adventure. In fact, it took far less time that anticipated. The Pathfinder solo module runs like the old choose your own adventure games with some dice rolls mixed into the fun. Obviously, the mode lacks role playing. Unless you count the “WTF Dice” comment that I put in my notes as I was playing through.

Proof. Also, that “dead” there is not for me. But, it didn’t take long…spoiler alert.

Okay, I think I got ahead of myself a bit here. First, I needed to find the adventure. I lost the insert that told me where to go, so I searched online. That brought no answers. I finally found it after looking through both books in the box. Then, I started. It played like a choose your own adventure at first. Do I want to search for the thing killing wildlife for 10 gold? You betcha! Then, suddenly, I found myself in combat with a mangy old wolf.

Wait? Do I need to use one of the character sheets? I picked Wizard at first until it felt like keeping track of spells might be too much for a newbie like me. But, no, no character sheet needed. They give you all of the relevant information in the adventure. Okay, wolf, no problem. Dead in one round. Do I want to continue? You bet I do.

A giant snake? Ha! I laugh at the “challenge”. Also dead in one round of combat. But, the dice low rolled me a bit. Take this as a warning adventurer. Between this and the RPG calendar, solo adventuring amplifies bad luck. You can’t rely on your party members to help you out when things go wrong.

Things went wrong quickly. I disturbed a living statue. The dice rolls blew up in my face both ways. The statue killed me in spectacular fashion. Go to #17, the book instructed. “Yeah, you’re dead”, it said. No saving throw. No do over. Just died. But, hey, try again, loser.

The Verdict

Overall, I mostly enjoyed the Pathfinder solo adventure. I missed the interaction with other players and role playing aspect of the game. But, the action moved quickly enough to keep me interested and rotten dice rolls gave me the necessary danger to make it exciting. I think I might take another shot at it. Also, seeing the structure of the adventure inspired me to put together a series of my own to go with the duos I developed for me and Quinn.

Digital Playground

Teamfight Tactics Update 2023

Leave a comment

Introduction

A few weeks ago I wrote about possible mobile games to add to my daily rotation. For those wondering, Marvel Snap made the cut. I even paid for the “deluxe’ battle pass or whatever that includes 10 levels. It gives me exactly what I want. An IP I’ve been following my entire life since becomign a teenager. A quest chase that takes no more than 15-20 minutes. Just enough strategery that makes every match interesting and unique. What other game can give me that? As today’s Teamfight Tactics Update 2023 shows, certainly not the topic of today’s article.

So, why take the time to write an entire article about the game? Well, just because TFT lacks the qualities of Marvel Snap doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the game. In fact, I took quite quickly back to playing it and played it nonstop over the weekend, both in anticipation of writing the article and because I genuinely enjoyed the game.

So, Why TFT?

My enjoyment of “autobattlers” goes back to one of the originals. I kept hearing about Dota Auto Chess a few years ago. I played some Dota and League of Legends, but stink on ice at both games. My favorite story is when I famously played 5 games of LoL and only won one single game and that’s because one of the players was friendly and helpful enough to just carry the rest of us on his back.

And, I’ll bet you do, too.

But, I figured, “I like chess.” Why not check out this game that has the word in it’s title. It instantly hooked me and before long, I actually chased some fame and status in ranked. Then, something happened. I think they updated the game and started inundating me with paid content. As with most of you, once a game does that, I lose interest quickly. Sure enough, I played less and less.

Through some research, I found Dota 2 Underlords and TFT. I liked TFT more. The graphic style and colorful characters kept my interest far better than the grimy surroundings of Underlords. Quinn hung out with me during my gaming time often then, too, and he preferred TFT as well. Then, something happened. This time I think my gaming PC crapped the bed (again). Either the mobile app didn’t exist or I didn’t own something capable of playing it. To be honest, I still don’t My phone screen is way too small for my old eyes and the app taxes my poor tablet.

After exploring my options, I tried both Underlords and TFT. This time, I actually preferred Underlords. I quickly discovered that Valve more or less killed it. I downloaded Autochess to check that one out. But, I haven’t been patient enough to let it download the data to get started. And, so, TFT became my main autobattler again.

What About Battlegrounds?

Okay, I play Battlegrounds way more than I ever play TFT. But, for the time begin until the patch hits, I load up TFT for a few games every night. It helps that I dropped the 13 bucks or whatever for their battle pass. So, cart before the horse, that gives me motivation to keep playing.

I started with Hyper Roll. According to my research, the games went faster and you farmed battle pass XP faster as a result. Personal experience shows that isn’t entirely true. Playing normal often pits you against only 3 or 4 actual humans and either bots or AFK players in the other slots. As a result, getting a victory there becomes much easier since you basically just have to have a functioning brain to get top 4 or above.

I enjoyed Hyper Roll, especially when I got a top 2 and thought I might finally have gotten the hang of it. The game quickly disabused me of that notion and I fell back to my usual 5 or 6 spot. That’s when I looked up to see if completing quests gives me credit in normal. It does, so I main normal now.

The Verdict

It took me longer than usual to accept TFT into my normal rotation. I suspect that without the battle pass and my discovery of normal, it might end up rotting or getting deleted after writing the article. As it stands, writing the article inspired me to fire the game up to check on my quests. My Teamfight Tactics update 2023 finds the game healthy and firmly in my rotation at least until I evaluate the next version of the battle pass.

On the Tabletop

The Voidspark Chronicles: Humble Beginnings

1 Comment

Introduction

Once upon a time, I refused to purchase anything through a link in Facebook. Then, I bought a pair of Pittsburgh Penguins mittens only because they came with a Bernie bobblehead. I also purchased a couple of Funko figures that took forever to arrive. So, I thought my decision to leave Facebook out of future purchases vindicated. Then, an ad came across my Facebook and I fell for it again. I clicked on the link for Sundial Games and their 2023 quest desktop calendars. For 40 bucks, I got a set of dice, some dry erase markers, and a day-by-day calendar with a solo RPG adventure attached. And, so, on January 1, 2023, I embarked on my Voidspark Chronicles humble beginnings.

Since January has the theme of “New Year, New Games“, that brings the perfect opportunity to talk about this unique idea. Before that, I want to say something. The calendar sits on my desk and not one of my students asked about it yet. That’s surprising since they usually stick their noses in all of my business. Oh well, probably just a matter of time.

Rules and Character Building

Rules? Who needs rules? The only rule is that you ignore all the rules and play however you want. What’s this? You need to refer back to the previous day to resolve today’s story. Hmm, maybe I will take a look at those rules after all.

To be fair, that’s the only rule that you need to follow. The rest of it more or less comes down to your capacity for and forgiveness of bad dice rolls. More on that in a bit. Speaking of dice rolls, at least in the beginning, they streamlined character creation. You roll a d4 and that becomes your bonus for each stat. Then, during the course of the story, you get your inventory and you’re off.

Escape, Combat, and Near Death

So far, I engaged in combat twice and made a decision twice. The first combat went smoothly. I killed both sentry drones without a scratch. I also escaped my prison quite easily with a single Dexterity roll to pick the lock. Man, I thought, this stuff is easy.

I know better. Don’t ever piss off the dice gods. They smite without prejudice those who do. Over the weekend, I failed a dexterity roll and then took two blasts to break down the door. Then, today, I came close to dying in combat because my dice rolls came out on the low end. Hell, I “cheated” a bit by allowing myself 3 rolls to free someone else from being captured and twice to find a med kit since I used the other one to heal after nearly eating it.

The Verdict

My Voidspark Chronicles humble beginnings give me all the joy of playing a role playing game daily. They also bring the same frustrations of low dice rolls. As I proved, those are easily countered by “do overs”. Maybe I need to limit myself to one “do over” per day because otherwise, what’s the point of rolling. Just take the loot and move on to the next day. In any case, I’m glad that I bought the calendar and look forward to each day’s next adventure.

Noob's Book Club

Dragons of Deceit: Noob’s Book Club

1 Comment

Introduction

My wife misunderstood my request on my Santa list. I asked for the new Dragonlance source book for Dungeons and Dragons. She bought me the new novel, Dragons of Deceit. I forgive her for this transgression Weis and Hickman wrote the new book and anything by them that involves Dragonlance needs to be on my bookshelf. Besides, I fixed it by buying the new source book for myself.

When I thought about reading it, I got the idea for this series. It allows me to dabble in podcasting and maybe video production again without having to make a commitment to Chris that I might have to break because life gets in the way. Plus, if I can maintain this commitment, maybe it will show Chris that I’m out of the time in my life where I need to flake all the time.

Noob’s Book Club

I started to flesh out the format of this during my weekly trip over to the dump. I still don’t know if I will make it strictly an audio show or if I will try to add video. I think it will work better if I start with audio and then expand into video with the next one.

I also need to figure out the logistics of the show. How many chapters to read each week? Again, most likely to start with two and maybe expand from there. What book to read next? That one takes more thought and planning, but we also have time for that.

If you find this page and want to follow along, you can purchase Dragons of Deceit at the Amazon link. As of right now, I receive no compensation as an affiliate, so that’s only a suggestion. As of right now, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are open on my weekly schedule. I doubt I will have this done by Monday, so look for the first installment on Wednesday.

Digital Playground

2023 Console Look Ahead

Leave a comment

Introduction

After the disappointment of the PC Gaming article, I dreaded researching this one a little bit. In fact, I even considered finishing the week with a bang because I enjoyed writing the tabletop one so much more than I expected. Then, I actually searched for the games being released this year. I came up with a solid half dozen that excite me. Even so, I’ll spice this article up by treating it like an awards show. Join me, then, for 2 Guys Gaming’s 2023 Console Look Ahead Awards!

Note: I used the following list for information on these games. If some of them end up being postponed or cancelled, I blame Games Radar. I’m sure they have a much higher budget than we do and can absorb the scorn.

The “I Just Texted Chris….” Award

Earlier in the week, I realized that I wrote notes in my schedule for several tabletop games to write about for “New Year, New Games” and exactly zero video games. I searched for new games coming out and this one caught my eye.

Then, earlier today, I just texted Chris to see if he played any of them. “No,” he replied, “I own one but never played it.” He mentioned that they often get good reviews, so this game will be the first one featured on the page this year. It is also the first new release game featured, maybe ever.

The “I Miss Gran Turismo” Award

Back in the old days, I played way too much Gran Turismo. I convinced myself that I needed to get all of the gold trophies or whatever achievements they offered at the time. Then, I got stuck on one of the cornering challenges and quickly gave up that dream.

I never got over the crush that I hold for that game. Other than Out Run (yes, I am that old), it remains the only racing game I played extensively. Just looking at that screen of Forza up there gives me chills and makes me pine for those days of thunder.

The “Why Is This Only Listed for PC?” Award

I play the first one on the Switch. Why is this one only listed for PC? Also, why was this one not listed in the PC gaming article that I used for research? Come on, people! Websites run by a single individual rely on you to do the heavy lifting so we can appear more professional with less effort.

Okay, back to the original question. Where is the Switch version? Of course, I know where it is. It is in 2025 or whenever the developer finally gets around to writing the port for the Switch. Thankfully, Nintendo made it easier to program for the Switch than past consoles, but the poor Switch doesn’t get these titles until well past their prime.

The “Just Update the Main Title Already” Award

When Microsoft acquired Mojang and Minecraft, gamers lost their collective shit. Because, that’s what gamers do. They also lost their shit when Hasbro acquired Wizards of the Coast and Activision acquired Blizzard. What makes me laugh about that one is that I forever remember Activision as an indy developer for the Atari 2600 and not the behemoth that they are today.

I reserved judgement. Because, that’s what I do. While not a fan of multinational conglomerates on any level, I like it when companies get an influx of cash and know what to do with it. Blizzard made Hearthstone the best digital card game by far and Wizards expanded all of their properties far beyond mortal comprehension. Hell, I read that MtG alone is a billion dollar valuation. How does that relate back to Minecraft? Well, I’m losing my shit now. Microsoft, stop with these side projects and just update Minecraft again already.

The “Zelda is the Princess” Award

I both saved this one for the penultimate because I love Zelda (finish with a flourish, right?) and because I tried to come up with the perfect version of the old Zelda joke. I failed spectacularly on the latter. We all agree on that, right?

Also, the sad truth of it all is that I haven’t played a Zelda game since Wind Waker, I think. Yikes. So, my claim to love the Zelda games even perches precariously on a cliff, ready at any moment to fall and expose me as a fraud and a poseur. Let’s move on, shall we?

The “Most Likely to Get Me to Buy a PS5” Award

I think I said the same about the original Spider-Man and PS3. Maybe even the Miles Morales version and PS4. Maybe I have my timelines mixed up, but I always wanted to play all of the Spider-Man games. To date, I played exactly zero of them.

I bought a PS3 for Christmas one year because someone sold it used at a very good price and included a bunch of games. I never bought a PS4 because I went with the XBox One instead. So, like my Zelda claims, this one seems dubious at best. But, stay tuned. Things might change.

The Verdict

I expected little out of this 2023 console look ahead. Then, those last two sections landed with a bit of a thud. Nevertheless, I remain committed to the excitement that I found in these six games and tried to convey with the cheekiness of the 2023 Console Look Ahead awards conceit. Thanks for joining us for our annual looks ahead and stay tuned for the content for the rest of the year.