Introduction
I unintentionally ended up writing and posting this on the same day that Brady announces his retirement. In the text chain with Chris and Jason, I admitted to being a petty dick about the announcement. When Chris said it sounded genuine, I replied, “Well, good for him for coming to the realization a year too late.” And, then when Jason mentioned that Favre retired twice, I replied with a goat GIF and “Gonna break that record, too.” So, knee deep in all that salt, let’s get going on this 2023 NFL Conference Championship Post Mortem.
There, now you can feel super cool like you are a part of our epic text thread. It’s a cool place to be. I refer to it more than once in this article, so the hits keep coming. Okay, enough self aggrandizing. Let’s dig into the fun from the weekend.
Iggs Bury 9ers (and their quarterbacks), 31-7
If you remember, I put together a fake future of the Bungs/9ers at the beginning of the playoffs. That bet looked damn good for most of the playoffs and then came crashing down in this game. I paid little attention to it until the aforementioned text chain brought news of every single 9ers quarterback getting injured. The texts made it sound serious, too. Then, the Iggs poured on the scoring. And, it got worse from there. Purdy ended up back in the game after what sounded like a very serious injury. No way for the season to end, but honestly, did you expect any differnt?
NFL Preserves Their New Golden Boy, 23-20
For most of the first half, it looked like the Chefs might have just enough to keep the Bungs at bay. Chris said something about them being a second half team and, sure enough, they pulled that horseshoe right out of their asses again and I feared I might have to listen to two solid weeks of Joe Burrow fellating. The Bungs left just enough time on the clock for Mahomes to do what Mahomes does. Then, the refs did what the refs sometimes do. I texted, “I like Mahomes, but that was a Premier League flop right there.”
The Verdict
Overall, chalk won this 2023 NFL Conference Championship Post Mortem. A bit boring from a gambling point of view, but I guess sometimes Vegas has to win, right? The old place is just falling apart at the seams, right, fellas? In any case, join us later in the week (probably Sunday since that marks a week until the game for our Super Bowl preview. I don’t have a witty superlative yet, but I’m workshopping a couple and will have a decision by this weekend.