All posts by Noob of All Trades

Shawn Lucas is the self identified "Noob of All Trades". He is married and the father of three boys, two of whom help with their own podcast every couple of months. Raised on Atari, Nintendo, and Sega, he enjoys all games and will play all of them to the best of his ability, which is often average at best. Currently, he is most interested in Magic, Heroclix, and other games that he can play with Chris and his sons.
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Spawn 306 Review

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Introduction

Spawn 306. Seems like only 6 months ago we were celebrating the “record breaking” Spawn 300. As usually happens with Spawn and Uncle Todd, that celebration was marked by controversy. Some pointed out that since Cerberus ran 300 issues, Spawn would have to get to 301 in order to hold the record alone.

As a result, Uncle Todd has put a banner on the top of the latest book that says “World Record Breaking Comic!” I mean, troll and get trolled, fellas. It works both ways. I wouldn’t say that he’s a master of trolling. But, this one is pretty good.

The exclamation point at the end is the coup de grace, for sure.

So, here I am. Reading Spawn comics. Listening to Korn. Playing Mortal Kombat. It’s like I’m a teenager all over again. Sure, Korn came after my teenage years, but I also have Megadeth, Metallica, Danzing, Suicidal Tendencies, and others from that time on my workout playlist. So, yeah, I’m basically a teenager again. Now, let’s get to that Spawn 306 review.

The Great

Uncle Todd – I already eschewed the virtues of Uncle Todd as a troll. Now, it’s time to do the same for him as a creative force. I have said numerous times in the past that I’m honestly surprised that the comic has been able to still be this fresh over 30 years later. That’s a testament to both him as a writer and being able to realize when things need to be switched up to keep it fresh.

Exhibit A: Bringing back Philip Tan

Philip Tan: Philip Tan was involved during one of my favorite periods during Spawn. In fact, when I saw that Uncle Todd was bringing back fan favorites for the 300th issue, I was surprised not to see Mr. Tan’s name on the list. I even texted Chris that. But, now he’s here and I’m a happy Spawn fan.

The Good

New Story: I’m not entirely sure that this is a brand new story. Something tells me that we’ve visited this future at some point in Spawn’s past. However, it is new to me and it is refreshing. It was no secret that I didn’t enjoy the “politics” storyline from a couple of arcs ago. I did mostly like the Hell Hunt story and will go back to finish that one soon. This one, though, is looking like one I can definitely enjoy.

I don’t care for Raptor or whatever the dudes name is, but I like Claudiaz and she’s made the switch in tone more bearable.

New Character: With this new story line has come new characters. I don’t care for the main protagonist. He just seems like another recycled tortured soul type. However, his sidekick/lover/whatever she is, Claudiaz is interesting. Even though it looks like she was mortally wounded towards the end of the book (spoiler alert), I hope she makes it because I think their relationship is worth exploring more.

The Decent

Answers Next Issue: I might not care much about spoilers, but I absolutely abhor cliffhangers. Unfortunately, nearly all entertainment has become rife with them. The end of every single episode of series television and nearly every single comic (unless it’s the end of an arc) has a cliffhanger to keep you “guessing” until the next issue/episode. It’s overkill in my opinion.

Missing Something?: This is typical since I’ve not read comics in a few months, but I feel like I’m missing something here. I will have to go back and read to see if there was any indication that this particular “timeline” was going to happen.

The Forgettable

This little bastard can go straight to hell.

Eff This Virus – I know that comic books are at the bottom of a very long list of priorities. However, that’s what this article is about, so it’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m going to miss comics for the next couple of months. Chris said something about them being ahead of schedule because of shipping times, but I wonder if DCBS will continue to ship. I do have an idea to keep the review articles going in case they don’t. Still, I really like comic books and they’d help to keep me sane and occupied during this.

The Verdict (Spawn 306 is different. Is that a good thing?)

Well, things have certainly gone in a new direction with Spawn 306. To answer the question in the title, I’m not sure yet if it’s a good thing or not. I know that’s a cop out. But, that’s honestly how I feel. I didn’t really get into this issue as I had been for ones previous. I don’t know who these characters are. Worse, I don’t care about them. Sure, I’d like to see where the whole things goes, but if Claudiaz ends up dying, so be it. I will keep reading just to see if it all pays off, though. Join me. Seems like a good time to jump back into Spawn!

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Mortal Kombat X Komix Review

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Introduction

Wait, now it is a Mortal Kombat X komix review? You’re just trolling at this point, aren’t you? Honestly, no. If I was really trolling, I’d give you another one of those erroneously numbered lists. But, I won’t. I will just continue writing my article. You have the choice of whether or not to continue reading.

The reason that it is MKX is that there are no MK 11 komix. Notice how I am intentionally misspelling komix? The “k” is for Kombat. The x is because we are x-treme (in a 1990s way, yougins) here at 2GG. The reason for komix is that I am reviewing what might be my last full DCBS order for a few months at least. This will serve as a nice bridge.

I got the idea for reviewing the komix when I started to put together the plan to relaunch the web page a couple of weeks ago. I saw that Comixology had a good deal on the entire series. I texted Chris the other day, “I’ve been so desperate for comics that I bought the MKX digital series.” He mentioned his DCBS order. As I mentioned, I’m saving those for next week. Now, on to the review.

The Royal Family of the MK series decrees it.

The Great

The Stories – I’ve only made it a third of the way through the series, but so far there are some great stories in the comic. Specifically, the ones that I’m enjoying so far are Scorpion’s and Kotal Khan’s. The first one isn’t a surprise. Scorpion has been one of my favorite characters since the first game. But, Kotal Khan? A reject smurf looking dude with daddy issues? Okay, I guess so.

All he wants is his Papa Smurf to be alive again.

Writer: Remember when I said earlier that there is no MK 11 comic? The main reason for that is that they hired the guy who wrote the MKX comics to do the story for MK 11. So, those of you us thought that the MKX story was lacking and the MK 11 story is so much better, that’s the main reason. Like I say, if you have me caring about a guy like Kotal Khan, you are a damn good writer.

The Good

The Stories – No, this isn’t becoming one of my running jokes. There won’t be a The Stories in “The Decent” section. Some of the stories have just left me flat. The Cassie/Jacqui cage fighting story has been less than stellar. Also, I just don’t like Raiden. I thought I did and I’ve tried, but before MK 11, Raiden has just been a mess of a character.

He should be cool, right? I dunno. I just can only think of the guy in Big Trouble and Little China and it makes it tough to respect him. Also, his story line is a disaster. Thankfully, they finally fixed that.

No Liu Kang? – Like I said, I’ve only made it through about a third of the book, but how are you going to do my boy Liu Kang like that? The protector of Earthrealm deserves better. Free Liu Kang! Watch, he’ll be in the next book I read and every one after that. I guess that means that my complaining helped. Right?

The Decent

Beginning is a bit confusing – This might just be me. I was reading the books while my kids were playing Minecraft in the background, so I wasn’t paying full attention maybe. It’s tough to do so when your youngest keeps saying, “Dad, check out this thing.” or “Look at this, Dad.” Mind you, I’m not complaining. It just made focusing on the story much more difficult.

Short? – It isn’t all of the issues, but a few of them felt really short. I haven’t verified if they actually are or if it is just a product of digital comics not having advertisements, so they are only the 20 or 22 pages of actual content. Maybe they were just books without a lot of writing, so it didn’t take long to read. Perhaps I’m just reaching because I usually have two ideas per section and the books are so much fun that I’m having trouble finding something wrong.

Though, no Liu Kang is really irritating me. Seriously, D’Vorah gets a cover and not him? C’mon, Man.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading my Mortal Kombat X komix review. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting much going in. Usually these cross promotion things like video game comics or movies or movie video games or comics don’t turn out too well. But, the source material (as damaged as it is in places) is treated well and I don’t feel like the writer is trying too hard to make it Mortal Kombat.

I mean, sure, there are references like “Finish Him!” and the occasional dismemberment that doesn’t entirely make sense in context. However, those are few and far between. I half expected the thing to be like the old comics that my sons would write when they were younger or something like Yu Gi Oh cartoon, where it is literally just the game on the screen. But, it’s not. The story is compelling. The art is decent. I’m just now noticing that it is DC comics, so now it makes sense. They actually have a reputation to uphold. If you find yourself bored, drop the 30 bucks over at Comixology and grab the series.

Digital Playground

MK 11 Krypt Tour

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Introduction

Now it’s an MK 11 Krypt tour? Still no gameplay? Well, let’s list the reasons again. (1) Technically the Krypt is part of playing the game, (B), as I said, there is plenty of gameplay contend out there and (∑) it’s Mortal Kombat. What do you expect for gameplay? Well, that’s what you’re getting.

With all of that being said, I’m not entirely sure how to write an article about the Krypt. I thought maybe a review, but that will most likely make for a boring article. I could do a virtual tour, but that’s dumb, too. Looks like I might have to get over my stage fright and just record a video.

Noob’s MK 11 Krypt Tour Video

https://youtu.be/BEvZgYvJIaA

The Verdict

I hope you enjoyed my first video in about 5 years. As I may have mentioned in the video, the Krypt is one of my favorite game modes. I’ve said numerous times to friends that it could be a game to itself if they wanted to develop it a little bit more. I’m sure that it will eventually get boring after I’ve opened everything, but I honestly don’t know how long that will be.

For instance, just the other day, I found a statue that led me on a bit of a scaly goose chase (yes, I’m still trying to be good about spoilers) that still hasn’t ended. And another character randomly appeared to try to sell me more stuff. In between farming towers with the Noob Saibot AI build given to me by a friend, I will spend all of my time in the Krypt. Hope to see you there!

Digital Playground

Mortal Kombat 11 Story review

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Introduction

Mortal Kombat 11 Story review? I know what you’re thinking. Not gameplay? Well, (a) you should know to expect the unexpected from us, (2) there are plenty of gameplay articles and videos out there, and (Ω) let me respond further with a story. Hey, this is what you get from a frustrated writer forced to stay home for two weeks. You get stories. So, snuggle up and listen.

I have played Mortal Kombat since the beginning. That’s not an exaggeration. My friends and I traveled to the arcade (see, the beginning) weekly to feed quarters into the machine. Those of you (us, yes I do it, too) who complain about the price of games never spent hundreds of dollars in quarters at the arcade.

OK, Boomer

So, where is this story going? Relax, we’re getting there. One of those friends bought me Mortal Kombat 11 for Christmas or my birthday. As I tend to do, I ignored it for a few months. Enter coronavirus. Suddenly, many of us had more free time to catch up on video games, for instance. I chose Mortal Kombat 11.

I also inadvertently recommended the game to Chris. Wait, what does that mean? It simply means that I kept talking about the game and how much I liked it. Chris bought it as a result of me talking about it so much. He texted me when he first played it something along the lines of, “The game play is typical of Mortal Kombat. You weren’t kidding about the Krypt.” More on the Krypt later in the week. For now, there is my last reason why I’m not discussing the gameplay.

And, to make a long story short…

The Great

Johnny Cage – It was tough picking which would come first because I always like to end these sections with my strongest pick. Both of the characters here have been my favorites since the first game. Both have endured their share of trials and tribulations. Unfortunately for Cage, his were all self-inflicted. Nevertheless, his “redemption” story is wonderful and I can safely call him a favorite again.

Fire God Liu Kang! – This one is a spoiler alert for anyone still playing the story. Mainly, the warning is for Chris because he’s still the only one that regularly reads this right now. I will go on record that killing Liu Kang is probably the most unforgivable thing that they’ve done in this game series. I understand trying to reboot a tired franchise, but killing Liu Kang is a travesty. It is doubly so to have him double crossed by Raiden of all people. Thankfully, this game reversed all of that. I won’t give it all away except to repeat Fire God Liu Kang!

Yeah, I’d say that’s one hell of a redemption.

The Good

Fighting – Look, I understand that this is a fighting game. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that the constant pauses in the story so that I could noob it up while trying to pull off the combos that I was barely able to finish in the tutorial weren’t annoying me. I very much enjoyed the story and kind of wished that they would just let the thing play through without the fighting interludes.

The Story – On that note, I’m not lying when I say that I would rather watch this story than any of the movies currently available. Maybe I should include the caveat that I meant the live action movies. I haven’t seen any of the animated films and the advertisement that I saw for the Scorpion animated film actually looks pretty good. Sure, the story has the usual clichés and some parts are just ridiculous. With all of that being said, it is well worth it to play through the story mode.

Kenshi is also dead (spoiler alert) but nobody cares about him enough to include that in the story mode

The Decent

Final Fight – Look, I get that it’s supposed to be a boss fight and that boss fights are notoriously unfair in Mortal Kombat games. And, yes, it technically only took me 3 fights to finish the boss. Nevertheless, during those 3 fights, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with how poorly my strategies were working. Then again, it might have just been because I was stonewalled by the boss in my Johnny Cage tower, too, and needed the AI to bail me out.

Tease – I kept texting my friend during the story saying, “x (where x = some character not in the game) is already rendered. Why are they not in the game?” He always replied, “Well, there’s always Kombat Pack 2. So, yeah, I’m also grumpy that some of the best characters are in the game but not in the game, yet. Cyrax, Sektor, and Sheeva, I’m looking at you.

Yep, that was my face, too, Sheeva, when I realized that I’m going to have to pay good money for what’s already in the game.

The Forgettable

Fallen Hero Syndrome – It started with Raiden. Then I realized that Cage, Liu Kang, Kitana, and even Jax had elements of the fallen hero in their story. Look, I get that the fallen hero as a concept is compelling. However, it started to get old. By the time I got to Jax’s story, I was just done with the fallen hero story. Enough already.

The Verdict

Overall, the Mortal Kombat 11 story is strong. It’s much better than previous versions. It is especially better than the disaster that was MKX. Hell, I don’t even remember the story from that game. They corrected everything that I feel like they screwed up in previous games. They were able to keep the story open for future installments. Sure, it’s not perfect, but I might be one of the only people that plays these types of games for the story. If you haven’t already, play through the Mortal Kombat 11 story. It’s worth the time.

On the Tabletop

THB Notable Multi and Colorless cards

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Introduction

Welcome, finally, to my THB notable multi and colorless cards. Before we get started, I have an admission. I’m a bad webmaster. You already know that. But, I’m nothing if not honest and willing to admit when I’m not very good at something. It’s been a couple of weeks since I started the Theros articles and I’m just now getting around to the multicolored and colorless cards. I have no excuse. Last week was vacation and the only day that I had anything planned was when my wife and I went to Boston on Wednesday. So, now that we have that all out of the way, let’s get to talking about some cards.

Multicolored (The Only Colors are Blue and Black, right?)

In what might be a first for one of these articles, I’ve played both of the cards that I’m discussing in this section. I had a fun UB control deck that I played in MTGA. I searched for some updates for the deck when Theros released and this was one of the cards in that deck. The body, as they say, dies to removal, but the Fact or Fiction effect is pretty cool and fun to play.

This card was also added to my deck. Once again, it’s not a game breaking card by itself. However, it does cause an opponent to obsess a bit over removal, opening the game up for the other UB shenanigans. Plus, that alternate art is nice.

Colorless (Wait, there’s only one notable colorless card. Let’s talk more about multicolored)

This card is dumb. I get that it’s a Titan, but still. I’ve played against it a few times. It’s not as broken as it first appeared. It is just one of those cards that when it’s played, I roll my eyes. I just know I’m going to be in for stupid shenanigans. Well, don’t you usually play stupid shenanigans, you might say? Of course, but I am all about do as I say not as I do. And I say, sir, no shenanigans for you!

When I first saw this card, I thought it might be the broken card of the set. Then, I saw the casting cost. Then I saw the creature type. And it all started to make sense. Wizards likes their 3/5 Sphinxes with ridiculous casting cost and stupid abilities. This one is UW. Which means it has a gold border. That ensures that I will pick the card in cube way too early.

The Verdict

The original Theros wasn’t know for its multicolored cards. Death changes a plane apparently. The multicolored cards in this set are fun. They might not be good, but I don’t care about all that. I just want to have fun. And make my opponent’s life miserable for the half an hour we play. Before you ask, yes that includes Chris. At least I’m not a complete sociopath. I do feel bad when I make his life miserable. Plus, we always get a good laugh from it, too. So, if you’re like me and you just like being the fun police, there’s plenty here to make that happen. Thanks for reading my THB multi and colorless notable cards article. Stay tuned over the next couple of days for an article about Battlegrounds.

On the Tabletop

Theros Beyond Death Notable Gruul Cards

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Introduction

Welcome to my Theros Beyond Death notable Gruul cards article. Last time, I went over the Esper colors. Those are my favorite colors and my favorite two and three color combinations. As a died in the wool blue mage, I absolutely hate red. I do like forcing Gx in cube drafts but, other than that, I don’t have much use for green, either. With all of that being said, there have been some green and red cards that have caught my eye in the set.

I’m not terribly proud of this next admission, but it is relevant to the topic of discussion. I spent the last hour or so swearing at Magic the Gathering Arena opponents who seem to always be able to draw and play exactly the card they need when they need it. Mind you, I’m not opening that discussion. I just wanted to say that I was playing on MTGA.

They are allowing players to play with the World Championship decks from this weekend. It’s a cool event for cheap gamers like me who would never get a chance to play a competitive deck. I chose the Jeskai Fires deck. So, I am capable of playing red. I just don’t like to. With all that being said, lets look at some Theros Beyond Death notable Gruul cards.

Red (Bolt you for lethal? I think we can do a bit better than that.)

This card is sneaky fun, in my opinion. You get a two turn Act of Treason. Then, depending on the board state, you get a turn of removal. Finally, you get almost guaranteed board sweep unless your opponent is playing low attack and high health creatures. In any case, I would play this card for the giggles alone.

I’m a big fan of Through the Breach effects. This gives you that, plus a potential big body itself if you should ever end up getting devotion. I’m pretty sure this is one of the first cards that I texted Chris about and it was all about that Through the Breach text. That card is just so much fun to play in cube. I’d like to test if it is just as much fun in a deck built around it.

Green (You Want Infinite Mana? Because This Might Be How You Get Infinite Mana)

Magic the Gathering has been kind to shirtless green dudes the last few years. First, Oko threw the entirety of the multiverse into chaos. He become the first card in a while to get the ban hammer in almost every format, both competitive and casual. Now, this guy shows up. I’m obviously not saying that he is as powerful as Oko, but he could cause a bit of a ruckus with the right friends.

Speaking of friends, there’s this guy. Chris texted me a picture of him when he was spoiled. I don’t remember my exact response, but it definitely contained some curse words. Again, I can’t promise that this card is any good. In fact, in most formats, it probably isn’t. However, in Commander, this guy plus that dryad up there has got to be some kind of game winning combo. I’m too lazy to find it. Maybe one of you can.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading my part two, Theros Beyond Death Notable Gruul Cards. As promised, I’m not as excited about these cards as I was about the Esper cards. Still, there are some fun red and green cards. I just will never play them unless they come to one of the MTGO cubes and get picked up by xMage. Uh, I mean, unless I invest some case into MTGO and play the cube there. Now that I’m somewhat back in the habit, join us in a couple of days for the colorless and multicolored cards.

On the Tabletop

Theros Beyond Death Notable Cards

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Introduction

Note: This is only the Esper edition of Theros Beyond Death notable cards. It is also two weeks late. Those of you who have been with us for any time at all know this is all very on brand for 2 Generations Gaming. In spite of our best efforts, we are often late and incomplete in our assessments. So be it! Enjoy anyway!

Welcome to my Theros Beyond Death notable cards article. As you know from my previous articles on the subject, these are not necessarily the best cards. They might not even be the most popular cards. They are simply cards that speak to me for some reason or another.

What’s this? Actual gaming content on our gaming web page? Yeah, it took a bit longer than anticipated, but I’m on a regular schedule again updating the page. There will be a plethora of gaming and comic content for the foreseeable future. Look forward to that! Now, let’s get on to Theros Beyond Death notable cards.

White (Stupid Combos? Isn’t that usually Green?)

When I first saw this card, I texted Chris, “This card has to be broken, right? Then again, I’m bad, so I might just be wrong.” He did some searching but didn’t find anything in Standard. I still contend that someone somewhere is gonna break this one.

Honorable Mention – Another (actual) infinite combo? What is happening with white lately? It used to be that their infinite combos were impossible to pull off. Now there is one definite broken card and possibly another if I’m right about Sentinel’s Eyes. I mean, I know I’m not, but it won’t stop me from hoping.

Blue (Forget Countering Your Spells, I’m Just Going to Exile Them)

Those who know me best know that I am a blue mage at heart. I complain often about the fun police but that is only because I want to be the fun police. If I can’t counter a creature, then I want to destroy it. If I can’t counter a spell…well, there’s rarely a time that I can’t counter a spell. This card just adds extra salt to that counter by exiling the card.

An enchantment? With flash? That exiles? Another way to look at it is that it is a permanent instant that prevents the casting of one of your opponent’s most powerful spells. Either way, those are two great tastes that taste great together. They taste like salt. You didn’t think I was going to say victory there, did you? Goodness me, no, this thing is way too slow.

Black (If I Can’t Exile It, I’ll Destroy It)

You are probably noticing a theme here. Honestly, if you’re not, I’d be worried. It’s not that tough of a pattern. This one is even less powerful than the blue enchantment at the same mana cost, which seems weird. Then again, WotC did print Oko, so mana cost clearly doesn’t mean a thing.

My main decks are generally UB. The reason for this, as mentioned above, is that I like to play the fun police. If I can’t counter your spells, then I just want to remove them. From the battlefield, from your hand, from your graveyard. Just get them the hell out of here.

The Verdict

There are some fun cards in the Esper colors in this set. I have updated my UB control list on Arena. So far, it hasn’t been as much fun to play, but that usually just means that I need to play more to figure out how things work. Join me next time for the Gruul version and then colorless and lands after that. Thanks for reading!

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Noob’s Top 10: Super Bowl LIV

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Introduction

First, it was nice of the NFL to name this year’s Super Bowl LIV after Steven Tyler’s daughter. I don’t think she’s been working much lately, so this will be a bit of a pick me up for her. Secondly, this Top 10 is going to be the “Top 10 reason I would actually watch the Super Bowl this year (but still won’t because my family has a tradition)” but that title was entirely too long.

Besides, I’m not sure how I would watch the game. I got rid of Hulu Live TV a few months ago to save money. Chris and I talked about maybe getting together for the game, but as too often happens with our plans, they fell apart. So, we are going to go with the usual family plan of watching movies instead. However, I will still have the Gamecast of Super Bowl LIV on in the background because I really want to watch this game. Let’s explore why.

Update: This was supposed to be posted before the Super Bowl. As happens, it was not. So, I will update it as a preview and post mortem. Hope you enjoy. Also be sure to check out my championship preview.

Noob’s Top 10: Super Bowl LIV

10. Eff the Pats – For the first time in forever, the Patriots didn’t even sniff the Super Bowl this year. Long time fans of the page will know why this makes me so happy. For those who are new here, welcome! I have always hated the Patriots for as long as I can remember. Stick around for a while and you’ll learn why. In any case, I’m so happy that the Pats lost in the wildcard round.

Update: The Patriots still weren’t in the game. In spite of my fears that they might find a way to use Tom Brady’s connection to Donald Trump to Electoral College their way in, the only connection to the Patriots was Jimmy G.

9. Schadenfreude – Don’t think that just because the Pats aren’t in the Super Bowl that I won’t be able to find joy in the misery of others. That’s my specialty. There is plenty to be happy about if Jimmy G falls on his face.

Update: Speaking of Jimmy G, he didn’t exactly fall on his face. However, he definitely wasn’t up to the challenge of out Mahomesing Mahomes. Honestly, I don’t know if anyone was up to that challenge this year.

8. Halftime Show – Gaga and Katy Perry. Then, whatever the heck happened last year. This year, another show that middle aged white guys like me will surely enjoy. I mean, Shakira and JLo on the same stage? How can you go wrong?

Update: The answer, of course, is that you couldn’t go wrong. Unless you are a bitter old racist. Then, seemingly, you lost your ever loving mind.

7. Andy Reid – I give him a lot of crap for his clock management and for good reason. However, a couple of weeks ago, Chris and I were texting. I said something about Reid letting the game plan go and allowing his coordinators to call the shots. I’m not sure how true that is, but the team has been running smoothly.

Update: Andy Reid was in the perfect position to Andy Reid the hell out of this game. He didn’t. Furthermore, it seemed like the Chiefs weren’t going to let him if he tried.

6. Go for the throat – Directly related to the last point, the Chiefs have taken a page from the Patriots playbook. They try to score at the end of the half and then bury the opposition with their first possession of the second half. It’s a beautiful thing to watch. Especially since it isn’t the Pats.

Update: The Chiefs managed to do neither of these things. I texted Chris that SF being able to prevent this from happening was huge. In fact, San Francisco was in prime position to win this game. They did nearly everything right. Uh, about that…

5. Kyle Shanahan – Remember, he was the offensive coordinator on the Falcons the year that they blew a 25 point lead. Now, I’m not saying that will have any bearing on this game, but it’s something to keep in the back of your mind as you watch.

Update: Poor Kyle Shanahan. I heard a ridiculous stat on Simmons and Sal about the last two 4th quarters that a Kyle Shanahan offense has been in the Super Bowl. It wasn’t good. Now, he goes down in history as the guy who blew it against Belichick and out Andy Reided Andy Reid.

4. Next Year – I don’t know the last time I was actually looking forward to an NFL season. It has been at least a decade. I got out of football slowly over the years, but you can see my progression if you watch my Facebook memories.

Update: I said to Chris after the game that I’m looking forward to the season, so this hasn’t changed. I want to see if Baltimore can continue their rise next year like the Chiefs did this year. I want to see if Father Time can finally defeat the Golden Boy. Chris mentioned Buffalo, who could easily win the east if so. Can’t wait!

3. Prop Bets – I’m not much of a gambler. Unlike many weekend warrior bettors, not even the amount of Super Bowl props can make me want to throw my money away. However, I like the shows about the bets and imagining myself making stupid money because someone scored a safety as the first points of the game.

Update: I didn’t make any money off the props again this year. I didn’t spend any money on them, either, so all in all, zero net gain is a win. Like the commercials that everyone enjoys watching for some reason, these things are getting out of control, though.

2. San Francisco’s Defense – Other than Patrick Mahomes, this is the sole reason to watch the game. They haven’t been historically good this year, but San Francisco’s defense is downright scary. If the 49ers win, I hope it is because of the defense and not beautiful Jimmy G.

Update: As mentioned above, San Francisco was in the pest position to win a Super Bowl that I’ve seen from a team in the last few years. They had a 10 point lead. Their defense was confounding Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs offense. Then, it all just fell apart. Or…

1. Patrick Mahomes – I had a brief fling with Lamar Jackson this year as my quarterback man crush, but Mahomes is the OG real deal. He is the only reason that I watch football at all over the last two years.

Update: Alternatively, Mahomes just did what Mahomes does. He and the Chiefs just seemed to want to spot their opponents 10+ point leads in the playoffs and then come back to win the game. I watched the last two touchdown drives when I finally realized they were streaming the game on NFL.com. They were things of beauty.

The Verdict

Super Bowl LIV was fun. Sure, the middle was a bit concerning if you were rooting for the Chiefs, but the comeback was amazing and that’s all we’ll remember years from now. The NFL will make sure of that by only playing highlights from the comeback. I’m excited for the new season and a fan of football again. However, not enough to watch the XFL.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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2019 NFL Conference Championship Preview

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Introduction

Welcome to my 2019 NFL Conference Championship Preview. This is getting posted during the Tennessee/KC game, so it will soon be obsolete. Nevertheless, I wanted to post the article for posterity sake. You will just have to take my word for it that I wrote it a few days ago. After all, I’m pretty good about being honest.

Speaking of being honest, I just spent the last 45 minutes playing cribbage with my wife. So, this isn’t going to post until after the Chiefs game and maybe well into the evening game. Oh well, better late than never. So, I can’t use the “Eff the Pats” scale that I used a couple of years ago. They got effed by Tennessee in the coin flip round.

Another admission. You can obviously see that this is posting on Monday afternoon, after both games were played. I mean, that’s not a huge deal since I’m not making any picks (though my picks were the Chiefs and 49ers, so 5-4-1 so far in the playoffs and improving every round). But, still, in the interest of full disclosure, I figured I’d explain. Now, on to the potential match ups.

Least Favorite (Tennessee vs. San Francisco)

San Francisco seems like the only team left in the playoffs capable of containing Derrick Henry. That would mean that this game would just end up being a snooze fest defensive battle. Once upon a time, that’s the kind of game I’d be interested in. However, this isn’t your father’s National Football League. We want offense and lots of it. Keep this boring match up in the truly worst of timelines.

Slightly More Interesting (Tennessee vs. Green Bay)

At least in this game, the possibility exists that Henry goes off and sets a Super Bowl record for rushing. Plus, Rodgers gets to go for his second. This is just a demonstrably more interesting match up than Tennessee and San Fran. I don’t want Tennessee anywhere near the Super Bowl this year, but facts are facts.

Okay, Now We’re Talking (Kansas City vs. Green Bay)

I was having a tough time ranking the last two match ups. Like Chris said when I texted him about it, “I just want KC. I’d be okay with either match up.” I’m excited for this one because I think it could just be a good old fashioned shoot out between Mahomes and Rodgers. But, Chris put a bit of a damper on it by saying that Mahomes wins hands down. He’s right. KC’s talent on offense is just ridiculous.

Strength vs. Strength (Kansas City vs. San Francisco)

Kansas City’s offense, as I just said, is ridiculous. San Francisco’s defense is downright scary. The classic immovable object vs. the irresistible force. Who wins? Unfortunately, I think that it’s San Fran’s defense, but it will still be a fun game if it happens.

The Verdict

Three out of the four match ups can be really fun. The fourth, I could talk myself into finding interesting in the two weeks of hype leading to the game. In any case, I hope that your team finds a way into the Super Bowl. Thanks for reading my 2019 NFL Conference Championship Preview. Be sure to come back for my Super Bowl Preview and Post Mortem in the weeks to come.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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2019 NFL Divisional Playoffs Post Mortem

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Introduction

Welcome to my 2019 NFL Divisional Playoffs Post Mortem. For the most part, things went as planned. There was, of course, the Tennessee Tuxedos destroying the Ravens. Other than that, though, there weren’t a ton of surprises. This is reflected in my 2-1-1 (I picked the Seahawks, but knew in my heart that Green Bay would win, so I’m taking a tie for that game.) record for the round. With my 1-3 in the coin flip weekend, that brings me to 3-4-1 for the playoffs so far.

That’s not a great record, of course. But, depending on how I bet the games, I could still be plus money at this point. Then again, I probably would have put a small fortune on Baltimore, so that point it moot. Speaking of Baltimore…

Tennessee at Baltimore

What more can I possibly say about this game? I was so convinced of the outcome that I didn’t bother even tuning in to see how it was going. It was only after Chris texted me several times during the beginning of the game. At least one of them was, “WTF”. So, I tuned in and Baltimore was down 14-0. Well, I thought, LJ is the MVP for this year and there’s plenty of time to come back. Well, about that. The come back never materialized and half of my Super Bowl pick was DOA. Well, both of them were actually dead, but that wasn’t official until Sunday.

Minnesota at San Francisco

This was the least surprising game of the weekend. I thought that San Francisco would roll the Vikings and they did. Sure, Minnesota stayed close for the first half, but eventually, San Fran’s talent just took over and won the game. There’s a reason that they were my close second to make it to the Super Bowl from the NFC.

Seattle at Green Bay

This was probably the other least surprising game from the weekend. I know that makes no sense in a couple of contexts. First, I picked Seattle to go to the Super Bowl. Second, how can you have 2 least surprising victories? Well, technically, you can’t. However, my original statement made even less sense, if that makes, er, sense. I mean, all you have to do is look at that last run on sentence to see where my brain is today. I mean, it was a bit surprising when I saw that Seattle was starting to come back, but not really. Russell Wilson is known for those come backs. So, ultimately, not terribly surprising.

Houston at Kansas City

I went for a walk through the Quabbin with Christine. I came home to no less than 5 texts from Chris again. Again, at least one of them read, “WTF.” So, I went to check the score of the game and it was 28-24. I thought that was the final. Nope, halftime. KC continued to pour it on after halftime and Mahomes seems to have finally reached his final form. We will see if Andy Reid can prevent himself from Andy Reiding all over the AFCC, but I’m excited for the prospect of Mahomes in the Super Bowl. Doesn’t even matter who they play. But, that is a discussion for the next article.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading my 2019 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem. I texted Chris the other day that 9 times out of 10, Baltimore wins that game. We just live in the worst timeline. Oh well, at least Mahomes is still alive and chucking it. As long as that’s true, I’ll pay attention. So, hopefully, the timeline is fixing itself as we speak and I’ll get to see him in the Super Bowl.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).