After half assing my way through last month’s return to comic book reviews, I performed my due diligence this time around. In between school ending and decorating and watching my son in his seniorparade I read the DC Comics May 2023 and made my great, good, and decent list. We returned from the parade. While they clean off my father in law’s truck, I sat down to write the article.
The list may surprise you. I know it surprised me. But, I come by it honestly. The surprises start early and continue through to the end. This article with shock you. You won’t believe your eyes. In case you can’t tell, I’m trying to trick the algorithm into boosting this articleinthe search results. Controversy sells, right?
Decent
Batman #135 (Legacy 900): Writer – Chip Zdarsky, Artist – Mike Janin. Okay, this one will cause some waves, if anyone reads it. Hey, I told you. I don’t know what it was about this story. It just didn’t hit with me. Maybe I have to go back and read the first couple of issues. I don’t know. The one thing I found cool about it was all of the universe hopping and different styles of Batman we got. Other than that, pretty forgettable as far as a “landmark issue”.
Catwoman 55: Writer – Tini Howard, Artist – Nico Leon. Again, a bit of a surprise. I loved when Joelle Jones rebooted the series. Then, it fell off a bit. But, it ramped back up with Ram V. I might just be missing major plot points because I jumped back in towards the end of stories. I just prefer the cat burgler or tenuous alliance with Batman Catwoman stories. Ones like this just don’t keep me interested or entertainted.
Good
Flash 798/799: Writer – Jeremy Adams, Artist – Tom Derenick. Unlike the multiverse and time hopping in Batman, I welcomed it in The Flash for these two issues. I can’t explain why. I only started picking up Flash comics for Aiden, who was a huge fan of the hero. Then, I read and enjoyed it during Williamson’s run. Since then, it just keeps showing up in my pull list. But, I pulled the trigger this time and I’m glad I did. Fun story. Can’t wait for 800.
Wonder Woman #799: Writer – Becky Cloonan and Mike Conrad, Artist – Alitha Martinez. I picked this one up after just reading another social media post about someone intentionally trying to pick fights with neckbeards about equal rights for all. I admit to being a sucker lately for that kind of thing, especially in light of my soul searching as a result of reading Ready Player One. Yeah, seriously. Anyway, the book (even with such a bold cover) downplays the relationships. But, I liked the seamless travel between dream worlds as the set up for something really cool, I hope. Next month looks big with a couple of 800s.
Great
Action Comics 1055: Writer – Philip Kennedy Johnson, Artist – Rafa Sandoval. Yes, dear readers, we truly live in the upside down. Both Bats and Cats reside in the dumpster this month and Action Comics (plus, I imagine you can deduce, Supes) in the great. What can I say. I enjoyed the heck out of this story. I didn’t know what to think going in, but they made everyone, including cyborg Superman, into a compelling character with a great narrative.
Superman 4: Writer – Joshua Williamson, Artist – Nick Dragotta. What can I say? All it took for me to finally get on board with the Man of Steel was a little bit of Joshua Williamson. Granted, it means that I don’t have to put Superman and Brian Michael Bendis into the same sentence, so that helps. But, it’s Lex and Supes teaming up. What more can you ask for? As far as I’m concerned, no more.
The Verdict
I told you. DC Comics May 2023 turned our whole world upside down here at 2 Generations Gaming. I imagine things returning to normal next month, but who knows. If Williamson keeps writing Superman, I don’t see that one budging. Maybe we just get the elusive month of only great books. Come back at the end of June to see.
I wrote in my previous article, a review of the Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves move, that young me crelebrated the release of the movie and current me enjoyed the viewing immensely. It bears repeating. We grew up in a time when nerd culture got no respect from television and movie producers. They thought, just as with cartoons, that stuff is for kids and we should gear it towards kids. Granted, the animated entertainment provided us with something at least. Nothing at the time, though, came close to the production value of Honor Among Thieves or The Super Mario Bros Movie (click the “?” box).
It’s a me, a sexy smolder.
I know that other web sites surely have gone into the how and why this happened now. I’m not all that interested in any of that. I just enjoy the fact that they gave us good, quality entertainment that we can share with our kids. Ah, there it is. That just triggered something cynical in me. But, you know what? I’m going to ignore it and bring the usual (possibly toxic) positivity that we’re know for here at 2 Generations Gaming.
Decent
Training Montage: When Mario agrees to embark on the journey with Peach, she trains him in the ways of the Mushroom Kingdom. I appreciated the nod to other action movies and the tongue in cheek treatment. Even though it made little sense in the context of lore, I hope I proved in the D&D movie article that matters little to me.
Peaches, Peaches: All most people talked about (at least according to the article that stated, “After the Mario movie, this is all anyone is talking about!”) after the movie is the Jack Black song peaches. I heard about it before the movie because of just such an article. However, I saved the song until I actually saw the movie. It didn’t disappoint. After the movie, I made my family laugh by mentioning that it hit the top 100 and, therefore, qualified for Grammy status.
Good
Lumalee: This movie introduced us to nihilist Lumalee, the star companion from the Super Mario Galaxy series. I laughed and laughed with every line that came out of the adorable Nietzsche wannabe. Granted, I have a dark sense of humor as a optimistic pessimist. But, I think everyone can find something lovable in the darkness that is Lumalee’s attitude towards it all.
I know that! I also wrote about this phenomenon in the Honor Among Thieves article. However, being able to catch even a fraction of the easter eggs in the movie made me very happy. What brought me more joy was that my kids were all there to point them out either during the movie or after we left the theater.
Great
Donkey Kong: All of the characters lived up to expectations. I know some (probably literally nobody other than douche bags trying to make money with “content”) derided the movie as “woke” because they portrayed peach as a “strong independent woman who don’t need no man”. Other than that, every time a character appeared on screen, it put a smile on my face. In my opinion, one voice actor went above and beyond to bring his character to life. And, he basically just played himself like he does in nearly every movie. Like Robert Downey Jr. before as Iron Man before him, Seth Rogan was born to play DK.
Kids/Nostalgia: More and more I admit to being bit by the nostalgia bug. More and more I realize that it bites me because of my kids. We went to see this one while on vacation in the Berkshires for Quinn’s birthday. Unlike many family outings lately, every single one of our boys chose to join us without a fight. During the movie, Liam wore a smile on his face that indicated that some of his greatest memories came to life on that screen. I think I wrote in an earlier article that sometimes brings me pause that fictional characters mean so much to us. But, then I shut up that part of my brain and enjoy what I enjoy. Helping to bring that same joy to our kids makes everything else feel small by comparison.
The Verdict
Great super hero movies? For the most part, check. I give DC a pass and often turn off my brain enough to enjoy them even if I know they’re not very good. Plus, James Gunn? We’ll see. Live action (and CGI, of course) Dungeons and Dragons that delivers? Check. Amazing video game movies? Well, it remains to be seen if Nintendo can do it with other franchises, but they delivered with The Super Mario Bros movie.
I said it before. If you told 11 year old me that within my lifetime, they’d make comic book, video game, and Dungeons and Dragons movies respectable and profitable, I’d never have believed you. Sure, I’d want to time travel into this magical future. But, I’d also scoff in my usual teenage way. We grew up in a time where super hero movies got barely B-level treatment and the best cinematic version of Dungeons and Dragons was animated. Certainly nothing on par with the movie, Honor Among Thieves.
And don’t even get me started on Mario and Luigi at the theater. Mama Mia!
I started watching the movie a week or so ago while visiting a small Twitch streamer. For some reason, I switched to Ready Player One in the middle of the movie. I remember Aiden saying that he enjoyed Ready Player One and my ADHD pushed me in that direction. Then I got the idea to make this month’s theme (with no banner again!) Spring into Gaming and Pop Culture. My trademark honesty incoming. I played so little games recently, that I made up for it with pop culture to keep the page running. Comic books took a week. Hearthstone filled in nicely with the new BG update and a post about buying a new Switch. I think that last one maybe gave away that I ran out of ideas this month. But, Ready Player One lifted me out of the funk with a discussion of Tomb of Horrors. Then two of my kids saw GotG 3 without me and I remembered Mario and Dungeons and Dragons. May wheezes to the finish line with some pop culture reviews.
The Decent
Owlbear – Relax, I haven’t gone full purist on you here. I refuse to complain about anything when it comes to this movie. Are there things I enjoyed more than others? Sure. But, I already spoke of the horrors of nerd pop culture from my youth. The fact that they made this movie and brought Dungeons and Dragons to life for me is enough. And, yes, technically, even though it technically goes against the rules of the game, it fits with the spirit of the story. The first rule I learned about D&D is have fun. Well, a druid that can wild shape into an Owlbear is hella fun.
Roll for initiative.
Fat Dragon: I love that in a movie called Dungeons and Dragons, we get both a dungeon and a couple of dragons. But, more on that in the “Great” section. With most of the stuff I didn’t understand because of my unfamiliarity with the source material, I Googled and one of the first results answered my question, “Why is that dragon so fat?” I wanted a murderous hell machine bent on death and destruction of entire villages. Not some chonk too fat to leave his own lair. But, I searched and got some satisfaction from the back story I found.
Forgotten Realms: Look, I get that the Realms are D&D and that most people get their introduction to the game through them. But, I’m not about that life. Dragonlance introduced me to the game and that still resides at the top of my list of what I consider pure and true D&D. So, feel a little let down by the choice of setting. Nevertheless, I also understand that Forgotten Realms lends itself better to generic protagonists, too.
Good
Backstory: I put this one first because I went back and forth between putting this one here or in “Decent”. I ultimately decided that I liked having the stories repeatedly told in Honor Among Thieves so that I didn’t need to Google more than I already did.
I Googled Honor Among Thieves so hard, it took me back in time.
Forge: Look, I understand that some DMs enjoy the double cross and big twist reveal towards the end of the adventure to blow everyone’s mind. Honestly, some like it so much that they always go that route when designing and telling an adventure. I also respect that choice. However, I also rolled my eyes pretty hard when it became apparent that Forge double crossed everyone (spoiler alert) and I thought they set him up as the “boss” of the encounter. They redeemed themselves somewhat by making the evil red mage (spoiler alert) the actual final encounter.
Humor: Some fans, especially MCU fans recently despair at the amount of humor in the movies. I rarely understand these criticisms by purists, but I especially find this one confusing. First, an aside. Chris went to play Old School Magic the Gathering with a friend. He told me a story about a guy he played against that got so offended by seeing “new” lands that he gave him a set of old Swamps to play with. I replied, “You’re a more patient person than me. I’d have told him to shut up and play.” Now, aside from showing what a rotten person I am, this illustrates that I just believe that life is too short to waste it worrying about such nonsense. I like to laugh. The humor in these movies never feels “forced” as the nerds like to say. It just makes me laugh and enjoy the movie more.
Great
I Know That! To be expected in such a movie, but they put all sorts of Easter Eggs in Honor Among Thieves for those of us who play the game. You know I like a good lore rabbit hole and this one had me in one of those the entire time. In addition, I found myself smiling when the red mage case meteor swarm or I realized that Simon has a bag of holding. I love when the creators love the thing that they’re creating.
Arena Battle: Along those same lines, I thought I might not enjoy the arena battle towards the end of the movie. As a DM, I dread running large scale battles like that. However, since playing Warhammer and getting a better sense for how they handle large armies, I think that will be less of an issue going forward. In any event, I liked the battle because they made it more of a corridor crawl and because of what I just said. Oh, that’ s a displacer beast. Hey! A gelatinous cube!
Dungeons and Dragons: I already mentioned this, but it bears repeating. In a movie named Dungeons and Dragons, I appreciate that they kept true to the title and gave us both a dungeon and some dragons. I see another dimension where they tried to make the movie more appealing to wider audiences and I’m glad they kept the movie for the fans.
The Verdict
Honor Among Thieves met my expectations. I won’t say it exceeded them. Because I heard good things going in, I expected good things. And, they gave me good things. Hell, I liked it so much, I’m not even going to give you the old, “Sure, it had flaws…” speech. I just want to finish this article by telling you again how much I enjoyed it. If you haven’t already, watch it. You will have fun.
I wrote in the most recent episode of Noob’s Book Club that I can keep a deadline when things aren’t so insane busy. I also wrote in my DC Comics review that I needed to go back and read some past issues for homework before next month in order to have a better idea of the quality of the books. Both of those things combine in this Marvel Comics April 2023 review.
Because many of the books this month come as parts of stories already in progress, I need to go back to get caught up on those stories. One of them, The Avengers, I might just ignore until it’s over because it is part of a multi-book event that I don’t want to chase right now. I’m invested in the TMNT Armageddon Game series of books and that’s all I can handle as far as multi book events. So, I removed the Decent section and begrudgingly moved one book from there into Good in order to make room for an “Incomplete” section this time around.
Incomplete
Thor 34
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I only need to read 2 books to get caught up with Thor. Punisher said “Book 2, Part 5”, so I might just wait until the next story for that one. I already said that I plan on skipping Avengers until the next story. By the looks of it, they plan on renumbering with the next one, too. Speaking of homework, I got the insane idea to catch up on all 260+ titles in the Bryan Hitch era of X-Men, so it might be a while before I review them.
Good
She Hulk 12
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All three of these books lived up to expectations, both good and bad. They read exactly like I remember them reading back when I was an irresponsible teenager buying the books. I mentioned earlier that I begrudgingly moved one from Decent into this category. I wanted to put FF in the decent. The story just felt so disjointed and all over the place. Alas, to keep the article consistent, I moved it here. Strange almost made it into the great. Strange and Clea fighting side by side with Moon Knight making a cameo? Next month against Dormammu, I assure you it will get bumped up to great.
Great
Amazing Spider-Man 24
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A word about Amazing Spider-Man: These only make it here because my love for Spider-Man outweighs my hatred of the current direction of the story. I hate angry Spider-Man. The god makes no sense to me. If this continues, I might need to bump him down a level or two. A note about Guardians of the Galaxy: I love what James Gunn and the MCU did to my beloved Guardians. I also love the original dysfunctional Guardians and this book brings them back to me. A note about Venom: Al Ewing is the best. This book feels very much like his Immortal Hulk. That’s a good thing. I need to read the rest.
The Verdict
Marvel looks to be going back to their roots, at least from what I read in the Marvel Comics April 2023 books. Obviously, I need to do my homework to see if the other books follow suit. I try not to fall for the Marvel vs. DC nonsense. But, if I did, they win this round going away.
With some of the kid activities calming down over the next few weeks, I decided to try to get back to updating the page on a regular basis. This week, I eased into it with some comic reviews. Instead of just Spawn, I reviewed two other independent comics on Monday. Today, I return with DC Comics April 2023.
Before we continue, I need to come clean. I skimmed most of the books this month. Almost all of them are in the middle or close to the end of an arc. Therefore, I need to go back and do a little research before reading next month to get a better idea of the quality of the books. Therefore, and I know you all probably do anyway, take this month’s reviews with a grain of salt.
Decent
Wonder Woman 798
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I came clean a few years ago as not a fan of Superman. I know that probably pains my brother Tim, but the character just never interested me all that much. I like my heroes with flaws and Superman traditionally has none. Let me tell you something else, though. I absolutely hate Superman when they try to humanize him. But, if anyone can make me care about ole Supes, it’s Williamson. Watch these reviews to see if it comes true.
As far as Wonder Woman and Flash this month. Overall, I enjoyed reading through them. As mentioned above, I only flipped through Wonder Woman because I need context before passing final judgement. The only reason I started collecting Flash was for Aiden, but he seems to be out of his comics phase, so at this point I’m just collecting for collection’s sake. I will say, though, that the concept of the “One Minute War” looked interesting and I want to read that story.
Good
Action Comics 1054
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Well, apparently I lied when I said that only Williamson can make me care about Superman. Because, I thoroughly enjoyed the story presented in Action Comics this month. It revolves around Metallo and offered one heck of a cliffhanger at the end of 1054. Can’t wait until next month.
I flipped through both Bats and Cats this month. Both wrap up their current stories soon and I actually wrote under Batman in my notes that I needed more context because maybe it will be great. Zdarsky is writing it and Chris said he liked the story. I promise to update you next month. Plus, I pine for older writers on these books, so I need to get over that first.
Great
Remember those old writers I pined for earlier? Ram V is absolutely one of them. I love everything he does. He just writes such amazing stories and it doesn’t matter what character he writes for. Similar to James Gunn and super hero movies, every book that Ram V touches is gold.
The Verdict
For me, DC Comics April 2023 was a mixed bag. Part of that, admittedly, is my fault. I need to go back and read the previous books for some context in the stories. Who knew that coming back to review comics would give me homework? Oh well, I promise to be more well versed in the stories by next month. Until then….
I last wrote a comics review just over 2 years ago. According to the headline of that one, March of 2021. What bring them back, suddenly, almost two years to the day? Why does anything happen around here? I get an idea, bake it about half way, then unleash it on an unsuspecting public. And, so, Independent Comics I Love April 2023.
When I started writing (remember the half baked part), I wondered if April 2023 represented the actual release date of these comics. I receive an automatically pulled list of comics from Discount Comic Book Service every month. So, while these comics arrived on my doorstep at the end of April, they very well could have been released as long ago as January or February and I’d never know the difference.
Note: Some research led me to the conclusion that all of these comics have April release dates. So, score one for the good guys.
Code Name Ric Flair Magic Eightball (Scout Comics)
(James Haick III – Writer, Raphael Loureiro – Artist) I noticed this comic in my news feed, perhaps, a couple of months ago. I remember that I texted Chris about it in some form or fashion. He showed no interest if I remember correctly. Me, on the other hand, as a wrestling geek from a young age, I knew that I had to have the book. After reading it, what can I say? Ric Flair, noted womanizer, alcoholic, and drug addict is given a pass by the book. All of the man’s very human flaws are written off as necessary to his secret life as a double agent. I never expected great literature out of this book, but it could have been handled so differently and much better. I think the book is supposed to be read as satire. Maybe that’s me giving it too much credit. Because, if so, the satire is clumsy.
Spawn #340 (Image Comics)
(Rory McConville – Writer with Uncle Todd given “additional script” credit, Carlo Barberi – Artist) I never read Spawn for the story. Sure, I enjoyed the story, but I never read the book because of the story. Todd McFarlane, and later Greg Capullo, Philip Tan, and Angel Medina, draw such a detailed and rich universe that I can’t help but be drawn into it. The story, while very good in parts, rarely was the driving force behind the book for me. That changed a few years ago when I started collecting again. I loved the Dark Horror story and then slogged through some of the stories after that where Spawn becomes a terrorist agent because the US government was infiltrated by demons or something. I
loved issue 300 and the promised “reboot” of Spawn’s powers. Then things went up and down. Finally, I stopped writing reviews for some reason or another. The point of this all is that I don’t know how I feel about this story. Again, I love the art. But, this story of Spawn and Haunt infiltrating heaven feels a little too much like the Enemy of the State story. Who knows? Maybe if I read some of the back issues I neglected, it makes more sense. Stay tuned.
(Sophie Campbell – Writer with additional credit to Kevin Eastman and Tom Waltz, Fero Pe – Artist) I need to come clean and admit I haven’t read this on yet. I texted Chris a couple of months ago. While perusing the comics at That’s Entertainment, I found the TMNT Armageddon Game imprint and started flipping through the issues. They hooked me with the story, but not having had time until now to sit down and read the books, I don’t want to spoil the story for me. But, consider this a success that instead of simply one book on my independent reading list (Spawn), I now have three for this month.
The Verdict
Admittedly, my return to review writing with independent comics I love April 2023 is a bit rocky. Two books that didn’t live up to expectation and one that I haven’t even read yet. But, I plan to catch up on Spawn to try to get hyped for the next couple of issues. I also need to read the Armageddon Game to see if that one lives up to the hype I created in my head. Until Wednesday, fellow comic fans!
Let me be honest here. I usually use the word “love” because my headline analyzer tells me that strong positive sentiment words drive more traffic. If true, those Russian bots indeed enjoy my positive headlines. However, at the risk of spoiling this article, in this case I mean it. The show, so far, tells a wonderful story in just the manner I enjoy. The Last of Us Part 1 covers episodes 1 through 3 of the show since I just finished episode 3 last night.
I intend to finish the remaining episodes by the end of the week, so maybe part 2 comes before Friday. Being vacation week, I planned the schedule pretty tightly and now we just saw the new Ant Man movie last night. So, of course, I need to add my two bits about that one. Also, I got the idea for another web page a couple of days ago. So, maybe I save part 2 for a less busy week.
Episode 1 – When You’re Lost in the Darkness
I informed social media that I started watching the show in spite of having never played the game. Several people warned me about a particular scene and the potential emotional damage caused. So, I already went in expecting something good. I got something…decent. When talking with some friends about the show, I felt like this episode went about 20-30 minutes too long.
I liked the episode. All of the characters made an impression on me. The scene in question moved me (more the second time I saw it in the recap for some reason) and I ended the episode wanting to see more. But, television and movies are different. I understand that Hollywood is trying new things because it feels like cinema is stagnating right now. But, making TV shows longer just for the sake of it ultimately blurs that line even more.
Sometimes less really is more. I would have to watch the episode again to see just where to trim, but I know there’s fat in there somewhere. In spite of that one sort of nebulous complaint, The Last of Us hooked me. It even made me want to play through the game. I’m sure I own it from some Humble Bundle sale. Score: 7.5/10 on this one.
Episode 2 – Infected
Talk about spoilers! This episode title gives away the big reveal. I’m sure anyone who played the game understood the reference right away. Those of us in the dark maybe continued to stumble in the dark as the fungi infected humans do while hunting our little party before realizing (like The Walking Dead before it) that titles often contain dual meanings.
This episode shows that not everything needs to be dark and gritty to be absolutely terrifying. The fungus that grows over the eyes of the infected in this episode displays as colorful, mimicking the actual spores found in nature. But, those clickers scared the shit out of me and I’m not one to spook easily anymore.
Hell, this episode made me pick up my phone and do a little research. You all know how much I love a show that makes me do my homework. Plus, I found this cool little Google trick that infects your phone with the fungus. And, at the end, they rip our hearts right out of our chests once again. Score: 8.5 out of 10.
Episode 3 – Long Long Time
This episode blew up my social media. After watching it, I see why. Exhausted, but wanting to experience it for myself, I stayed up way too late to finish it. My God. I can’t remember the last time I saw a television episode written, directed, and performed as well as this one. Breaking Bad? But, even that pales in comparison to the tragic beauty of this hour and fifteen minutes of television.
Bear in mind that once I realized that it was this episode, I went in with high expectations. The blueprint for disappointment, right? Wrong. It tells a love story with such tenderness and grace that I wonder how anyone anywhere sees anything more than that love. The story made me cry. The reaction that some have to homosexuality makes me sad.
In addition, the story helps to fill in some of the gaps from the first episodes and moves the story forward. Honestly, if they ended it here, I’d be a happy man. The fact that I still need to watch 3 more episodes both excites and terrifies me. But, I’m ready. Score: Honestly, on the scale, I give it a 10. But that feels both offensive and reductive. Just a masterful display of what a careful and creative team can do.
The Verdict
I hope the show hasn’t peaked too early. I know better than to compare different style episodes by the same standards. Also, thankfully, this isn’t The Walking Dead, so I don’t expect to be shocked into submission simply for the sake of that shock value. Again I hope to have part 2 done by the end of this week, but I hope you enjoyed The Last of Us Part 1.
I wrote about my success Betting the Bowl 2023 yesterday. The cliffs notes version (I discussed this with a student the other day. Do they even do cliffs notes anymore? I know they also had Spark Notes, but I never hear about them either) reads as follows. Local math teacher bets 99 cents to win back 93 cents. Extrapolate that out to any meaningful amount of money and I paid off my mortgage this year. But, there’s more to the Super Bowl than just betting. So, I present our Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem.
Wait, what? More to the Super Bowl than betting? Of course. Food. Commercials. Halftime show. And, oh yea, they played a game, too. Naturally, the game ended with controversy. I heard someone say that if you want to say the NFL is rigged, just look at the fact that Super Bowls always stay competitive until the end of the game and often with a reason to discuss them for at least a week after they end. But, we focus on the positive here.
Food (Not as Fancy as Years Past, But Still Tasty)
Those who follow the page know that we often don’t watch the game around here. In my house, only I care about football. So, I made a deal a few years ago with my family. Now, we pick a movie or television show and watch a marathon. I make the traditional types of food associated with the Super Bowl. Usually, I make jalapeno poppers, twice baked potatoes, chicken and beef sliders, and marinated chicken tenders (I know people get mad when you call them “wings” because people just get mad these days).
Hell, I could make people really apoplectic by saying they’re made out of cauliflower.
This year, I actually received an invitation to watch the game. My father in law invited me over to watch. Usually, he watches with my brother in law, but either he was busy or didn’t care because the Patriots were nowhere to be found this year. As a result, my mother in law made pasta for us and I spread the apps around the remainder of last week.
Commercials (Serena Proves Memorable, Everyone Else Needs a Reminder)
First, ignore the perversity of watching an event strictly for the commercials. I promise to leave my communist agenda at the door if you promise to agree that a billion dollars is too much money for one person to possess. Okay? Okay. Now, about those commercials.
Honestly, thinking back on them, I remember exactly one. Well, I remember two, but the second makes me so furious that I want t o murder who ever came up with the idea. You’re curious, aren’t you? Give me a chance. Maybe I’ll tell you. Okay, just because I want it done and over with. The fucking Jesus commercials. You have multiple billions of dollars to spend and you spend it on two Super Bowl commercials? What about the actual mission of Jesus to feed and clothe the poor? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry for the curse word, but it makes me so mad.
Think POSITIVE!!!
The only other one I remember without looking it up involves Serena Williams giving the Any Given Sunday speech. To show how ineffective I find advertisements, I have no idea what they advertised. Simply that Serena Williams gave the speech. So, yea, billions well spent.
After looking them up, I also enjoyed the Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts ad, mostly because I remember hearing about it when they filmed it. Seeing Jesse and Walt again brought back good memories. And, I danced a little bit with the couple on hold. Plus, one of my former colleagues posted that they used a local police department’s hold music. That made me smile. Other than that, I used the commercials as God intended, to use the bathroom. He definitely gets us.
Halftime Show (Is She? Am I Allowed to Ask that? Oh Wait, That’s Umbrella!)
Rhianna came out looking very pregnant. I refrained from asking the question because, ignorant of her situation, I wanted to remain respectful. So, I watched, and made a few comments in the group chat with Chris and Jason. My father in law finally broke the ice, so I looked it up. Rhianna performed the halftime show pregnant less than a year after giving birth. I don’t care who you are. That’s impressive. Except, remember how I said that people in this country get mad about everything. Yeah, a certain segment of the population in this country (or Russian bots pretending) got mad about it.
Dab on the haters. You go, girl!
My only complaint. She performed umbrella without Jay-Z. It made me even more upset when I saw that he attended the game. I understand that Jay-Z can do what he wants with his time, but can you imagine the reaction on Twitter? Oh well, I still enjoyed the show. Y’all should try not being such grumpy gusses.
Why I’m Mad the Chiefs Won
I came up with this half baked idea the other day when planning the article in my head. I think I wrote something along these lines when I wrote the preview article. I’m not mad the Chiefs won, but according to my social media, many of my friends and associates are. I wonder why.
5. Betting – I heard none of this talk from the people in my circle, but some of my podcasts talked about how the betting money went heavy in the favor of the Eagles. So, those who bet on the wrong side of the game got their narrative that the NFL fixed the game. Stay mad.
4. Mahomes – I love Mahomes. Granted, even I started to get sick of him a bit this year, so I suppose I sympathize with this line of thinking. Even so, watching him play football puts all of that out of my mind and I fall in love all over again. Stay mad.
3. Eagles Fans – Admittedly, I try not to associate with such lower life forms (I joke Iggs. I love all people), but I understand their pain here. My Steelers won way more Super Bowls than they lost (okay, I’ll stop piling on), but the ones they lost sting with that feeling of what might have been. Take solace in the fact that rarely do Super Bowl runners up ever make it back to the big game the next year and losing both coordinators makes it tougher. Okay, I’m done. But, seriously, stay mad.
2. Patriots Fans – Living in Massachusetts, I associate with many Patriots fans. I saw more than one piss and moan about how the Chiefs bled the last two minutes off the clock. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to make the comment. Patriots fans during this Super Bowl: I hate what the Chiefs are doing, but I find it strangely familiar and attractive. Stay mad.\
In bill we trust, but Eff Andy Reid, right? Sports are so weird.
1. Refs – Two weeks in a row, the Chiefs benefited from dubious calls at the end of the game. Part of the reason I started to turn on Mahomes was the hit out of bounds against the Bungs. Then, I remembered if not for that, the Bungs maybe went to the Super Bowl. So, eff that. Maybe you think the end of the game sucked. But, a textbook hold and Mahomes threw the ball that way to make sure they caught it on tape. The ref got caught in damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. He’s human. He made a split second decision. Stay mad.
Why I’m Elated the Chiefs Won
Now, we finally come to the reason for writing my Super Bowl LVII post mortem. Hey, I’m a fan, not a professional journalist. I owe nothing in the way of journalistic integrity. I already said that I love Mahomes and hate the Iggs and Bungs. So, the fact that they made those fan bases even more miserable gives me great schadenfreude.
Aside from that, and not to lecture too much, but it’s only a damn game. Like I said to my father when he asked at the beginning for a prediction. First, I said, I usually can predict with some confidence. Not so this year. So, I went with, “Don’t bet against Mahomes.” Then I said, I can’t even really come up with a reason to hate either of these teams except that I’m from Pittsburgh and we hate Philly for some reason. I guess I’m maturing.
I troll, but I love ya, Philly
So, I went with joy. I love Mahomes. Andy Reid deserves a few championships for recognizing and utilizing Mahomes to his full potential. Travis Kelce is a ridiculous talent, too. Juju got run out of Pittsburgh, so good on him for finding a soft landing spot. They all won and good for them.
Five Big Plays
A million years ago, I ran a Pittsburgh Steelers fan page. It existed so early in the days of the internet that it ranked as the #2 or #3 (depending on the week) such page at the time. During the evolution of the page, I came up with the idea for a five big plays section in recaps. I think I used it once before on this page, but don’t remember. Well, if so, the triumphant return of five big plays in this Super Bowl LVII post mortem!
5. KC wins the toss and defers: Not an earth shattering strategy. Most teams now defer to the second half when given the option. But, when Philly went right down and scored, I got a bit nervous. Then, Mahomes matched. Okay, game on. The strategy nearly paid off, but the Chiefs borked the end of the first half before righting the ship at halftime and coming out gangbusters in the second half. That all started with the very first decision of the game.
4. Jalen Hurts Fumble: This changed the entire complexion of the game. But, perversely, not how you expect. A. Philly looked almost unstoppable and they proved it for the rest of the first half. B. The Chiefs defense showed they came to play a bit. C. It kept Mahomes off the field for a ridiculous amount of time. So, no momentum shift and it weirdly benefited Philly. Yet, they took no advantage from it and that showed up later in the game.
3. Pacheco Touchdown: As mentioned, KC deferred. They took the opening kickoff right at Philly and Philly showed no capacity to handle the halftime adjustments made by KC. You want to look for a reason that KC won, look no further. Good experienced coach punks good young coach. Simple formula, really.
Plus, because of the terrible field, he almost blew out his ACL celebrating.
2. The Reversed Fumble: People want to talk about the officiating, but strangely leave this call out of the conversation. If this call stands, I think KC rolls for the rest of the game. Sure, Philly showed some sparks of life in the second half, but I think this play negates any of that if not overturned.
1. The Hold: I may sound very condescending here. I apologize in advance. I understand why people might be upset about this call. Many people who watch the Super Bowl, even those who watch football regularly, can be easily swayed by public opinion. And, yes, I might even be persuaded to agree that the call maybe needed to be ignored. But, I also explained up above how. Put yourself in that ref’s shoes. Really, honestly, think about it. See? We’re all human. And, honestly, it’s very large men playing a child’s game.
The Verdict
I enjoyed Super Bowl LVII. And, I enjoyed writing this Super Bowl LVII post mortem. I missed watching movies or television shows with my family. Especially as the kids get older, you get less and less of a chance of that. But, and not to get too personal here, we got through a lot as a family the last few years and came out stronger. So, those opportunities will present themselves again. I hope you enjoyed this version of the Super Bowl LVII post mortem and see you next year.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I plan to give the post mortem of the actual game. But, you know how we do things around there. Instead of throwing out half baked ideas as soon as the game ends in order to receive early accolades, we throw out half baked ideas after a week so that our bad ideas rise above the cacophony and illustrate just how bad they are. So, first, I present our Betting the Bowl 2023 Post Mortem.
You may remember that I tacked on a betting article at the end of last week as a final preview of the Super Bowl. I got the idea from simultaneous emails that arrived from both Draft Kings and FanDuel telling me about their sportsbook apps opening up in Massachusetts soon. They are eager to take my money. Perhaps they should heed the warnings of this post.
Stupid Prop Bets
The only prop bets I found to discuss in that earlier article were the coin toss (truly a sucker bet) and the Gatorade color. Vegas apparently needed the money this year (see the above picture for commentary) because they dumped purple (purple?! purple?! really?! purple?! I’m just trying to win a damn bet! Shoutout to Jim Mora there.) Gatorade in victory. Maybe next year I will throw some of my windfall (shot up to 10000 fake dollars with my other bets) into more prop bets when the sportsbooks are actually live.
Single Dollar Bets
Even on these stupid bets I made up on the spot to try to ride on the coattails of Simmons, I cleaned up as you will see. Since I only put a dollar overall into the bets, I cleared less than a dollar profit, but you all can do that math. So, let’s do the math.
Most Sure Bet (confidence: high): If you bet the Chefs to win, Mahomes was MVP. I got a bit nervous at the end because Hurts went TF off and I looked at my father in law and said, “If the Chiefs win, can they give Hurts the MVP?” I mean, the guy deserved it. But, the 0.25 parlay paid 0.93 cents and I already made my money back. Cha ching. Lost as a result (0.05 for the Iggs equivalent and crazy 0.10 for Iggs/ Sweat MVP parlay).
Most Sure Bet (confidence level: irrationally high): 0.25 to win 1.75 for Kelce to score first. Chiefs won toss and deferred, so….
Throw Me a Frickin Bone! (confidence level: high): 0.10 to win 0.80 for Hurts to score first. All it took was a questionable call taking it away from Gainwell (16 to 1) and then that ridiculous rugby play to get him there, but 0.80 richer because of it!
Living on the Edge: 0.10 to win 0.08. I called this one wrong because I thought the Chiefs might put this one over in the first half. Turns out the Iggs and their ridiculous rugby play paid this one out in no time. I should watch more football if I’m going to bet on this stupid sport.
Sevens Heaven: Last 0.14 to win 0.13. Tossed this one in to get down to my silly penny parlay. Both teams scored in the first quarter. Easiest money ever.
So, keeping score, I bet 0.99 and made back a profit of 0.94. Pretty damn good if I say so myself.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
I came up with the idea of using my last penny to put together a parlay that, if successful, paid out over 100 dollars. Once I started putting together the bet, it became pretty easy to get it over 100. The actual bet paid out 133.90 (a. if successful and b. if it won)
Before I go on, let me say that I know how parlays work. And I know this one sunk from the get go. But, still, 5 out of 7 hits isn’t a bad percentage and I’d take that any time on single bets. I think next time I might play around with the format and increase it to 1 million dollar payout on a penny. bet. That might be pushing it, but I will get it as high as I can while still making the parlay reasonable.
The Verdict
My betting the bowl 2023 post mortem is mostly a positive. An almost 1:1 payout on basically 5 bets (as some auto failed on the success of others is pretty good. Also, I picked the last two winners and last two MVPs from this year and last year. I said to my father in law several times, my dad always told me not to bet on a game where the ball bounces funny and I intend to keep that line. Still, I had fun and can’t wait to be back next year bigger and better.
Surely, you anticipated more being written about the big game this year. We gave it such an impressive title, after all. To be perfectly honest, until I got an email from both Fanduel and DraftKings this morning about their sportsbooks being available in Massachusetts soon, I planned no such update. But things move fast around here, and now I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.
Neither of the books is actually live yet. They legalized sports gambling in Massachusetts on my birthday, but I assume that the books in the state got some sort of dispensation to operate before the internet books get their chance. So, as of now, these bets are still only theoretical.
Stupid Super Bowl LVII Prop Bets
As they often do, Simmons and Sal inspired me a bit in this article, too. I listened to them as I half listened to online PD at work today. They mentioned how when they started the podcast, prop bets were still a novelty and not many existed. Sal said that one book listed over 2000 this year. A Google search only gets me about a dozen.
Quite possibly the dumbest bet is the coin toss. You’re either paying 5 dollars to be right or you are paying 105 dollars to be wrong. Both are equally stupid in my opinion. But, I saw they also have odds on winning the coin toss and winning the game. For both teams, those offer plus odds and some intrigue to the proceedings. Then again, if you put money on the coin toss in any bet, perhaps you need to call one of those numbers they advertise on the sites.
They also allow you to bet the Gatorade color. At least that requires some thought. Supposedly blue leads the last few years, but that seems unlikely given the two teams playing. If the Chefs win, they probably repeat orange (+250) from their previous win. The Iggs went with yellow last time. With a +350, you also get green on this bet. I think the best bet you can make every year is the over on the anthem. People always mug the anthem at the Super Bowl.
I expected this section to be longer. But, without access to an actual book, I encountered difficulty finding some of the wackier bets.
Single Dollar Picks
I also stole this idea directly from Simmons. But, while he makes million dollar picks, I thought it might be funny to have single dollar picks. I want to take a dollar, split it up among actual bets I might make before the game. Then, with a single penny, I want to try to put together a parlay that will pay over 100 dollars if it hits. This is how I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.
Most Sure Bet (but the ball bounces funny in this game): 0.25 to win 0.93. If the Chefs win, Mahomes wins MVP, so why not tack on the extra plus money. It just makes sense.
Most Sure Bet (even if the ball bounces funny): 0.25 to win 1.75. I call this one the “take out a second mortgage” bet. Kelce to score first.
Run It Back (who is the MVP if not the QB?): 0.05 to win 0.17. If the Iggs win (and anything is possible when Andy Reid Andy Reids it up) I’m not positive that Hurts is the MVP. But rarely does anyone but the QB win. More on that later.
I Got Nothing (who is the Iggs MVP?): 0.10 to win 36.08. I have no confidence in Hurts as the MVP. The Iggs could easily win with him having Roethisbergian numbers circa Super Bow XL. So, I went completely bonkers with this bet and wrote in Josh Sweat as MVP.
Throw Me a Frickin’ Bone! (I’m the regular season MVP!): 0.10 to win 0.80. Hurts, on the other hand, has good odds to be the first TD scorer.
Living on the edge (They converted one with Chad frigging Henne): 0.10 to win 0.08. -130 that over 1.5 4th down conversions are made. I think the Chefs hit that number before halftime and the odds reflect that.
Sevens Heaven (Unless they miss an extra point): 0.14 to win 0.13. Both teams score at least one touchdown in the first half. I needed something to throw the last 14 cents until I get to my penny bet.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
I thought of this idea as ridiculous. However, once I got going and putting in numbers, it actually became pretty easy to come up with a plausible parlay that pays out over 100 on a single penny bet. Here goes.
Chefs win (+105)
Mahomes MVP (+130)
Kelce First TD (+700)
Either team gets a 2 point conversion (+245)
Both teams score 30+ (+900)
Game goes into overtime (+929)
A single penny pays out 133.90 if this hits.
The Verdict
In all honesty, all of these bets are strictly fictional. I started keeping a spreadsheet with my bets starting with 1000 dollars. I fluctuated during the playoffs and came out ahead 6000 dollars during the Super Bowl. But, I’ll let you in on a secret from last year. Most of my bets from that Super Bowl came during the game and I lost a lot of them. Then, I cleaned up with a Rams win/Kupp MVP parlay. And, so Betting the Bowl 2023 exists only in fantasy right now.
