Welcome to 2019 NFL Week 11. What did we learn in Week 10? The NFL is bad. Like, really, really bad. Like, I don’t understand how people are fans of this game. Let alone how this sport has become the national past time instead of baseball. Sure, they aren’t any better and their games are boring. I guess all this talk of American exceptionalism are just a fairy tale that people tell themselves and our legacy is racism and violence.
Wow, that just got deep there. Allow me to elaborate. The Steelers showed some promise last week by decimating the Rams, who were supposed to be a legitimate contender this year. They were then, in turn, destroyed by the Browns this past Thursday. The league is two or three “good” teams and everyone else is just mediocre or terrible. How is that entertaining. And, now an awkward transition. Let’s pick some games for 2019 NFL Week 11!
Toilet Bowls (Some HQ terrible content this week)
New York Jets at Washington – Speaking of racism, we have the Washington team headlining this section once again. I would say that their awfulness is indicative that karma works, but I no longer believe in such niceties. Apparently Jeff Bezos is rumored to be the next owner of the racists. That’s exactly what is needed to make this team even more detestable. I hope the Jets destroy them.
Cincinnati at Oakland (Vegas? ) Raiders – Is Cincinnati still winless? Are the Raiders still in Oakland? Find out the answer to these and probably other burning questions if you watch this terrible game, which I won’t be doing. But, the Raiders win, I guess.
Atlanta at Carolina – Atlanta beat the Saints last week, which is just another data point in how terrible this league is. I actually looked at this game and thought it was the game that was played last week. That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement for the league, either. So, let’s get on the Falcons bandwagon because why the hell not?
Chicago at Los Angeles Rams – This is one of those games that might have been considered a marquee matchup. Now, though, it is just another game that will inexplicably sell out and get huge TV ratings. I guess the Rams bounce back from the embarrassment of getting beaten by a terrible Steelers team.
If They’re On, I’ll Watch (As usual, probably not, but this week I have an excuse. We’re decorating for Christmas)
Jacksonville at Indianapolis (at London?) – I know it isn’t in London, but that’s like a new running gag her on the page. Hey, they can’t all be winners. Wow, I thought the Colts were good and the Jags terrible. Only one game separates them. I really need to just assume that every team is around .500 unless proven otherwise. Still, I feel like the Colts can roll them.
Denver at Minnesota – Okay, my new assumption has already been disproven. Minnesota is 7-3 and Denver is 3-6. That means that the Vikings should destroy them. What it actually means is that Denver will somehow win and invalidate the first 10 weeks of the season.
Dallas at Detroit – Both of these teams play on Thanksgiving. It would have made sense to give them both Sunday off. Detroit gets that luxury. Because they’re America’s team, Dallas has to play the Patriots the Sunday before. That makes perfect sense.
New England at Philadelphia – Speaking of the Patriots, I have had an extra week to glory in the tears of Pats fans at their beloved undefeated season going up in smoke once again. Wait, what do you mean I didn’t pick the last game. Who knows? This whole league is a coin flip. I may need to come up with another shtick instead of picking games.
Okay, now I’m interested (in decking the halls with boughs of holly)
Arizona at San Francisco – I noticed a couple of weeks ago that San Fran was somehow undefeated. I’m not sure how that happened, but it’s no longer relevant after they lost to Seattle. Still, Kyler Murray is fun to watch even if Arizona stinks. San Fran wins.
Buffalo at Miami – I just noticed that the Bills are only 2 (I guess technically 3 because they already lost to them) games behind the Patriots for the division. I knew they had been doing well, but it seems like less well the past few weeks. They will at least hold serve and hopefully gain another game this week by destroying the Phins.
New Orleans at Tampa Bay – The Saints seemed to be rolling right into the Super Bowl to make up for getting robbed last year. Then, they ran into the buzz saw that was the *checks notes* Atlanta Falcons. Um, okay, sure, and that game was in New Orleans. Tampa could steal this one.
Houston at Baltimore – As a Steelers fan (of which I claim not to be anymore), I should hate Baltimore. I don’t. Lamar Jackson seems to be the real deal and their defense is pretty dang good again, too. I considered this one for Game of the Week. Baltimore wins.
Game of the Week
Kansas City at Los Angeles Chargers – At this point, Patrick Mahomes is like a character in a Greek tragedy. Except his fatal flaw isn’t actually his. He’s playing for a subpar coach with a terrible defense. He’s more like Lebron James, carrying this corpse of a team on his back to glory. Let’s go Chiefs!
Well, 2019 NFL Week 11 isn’t all bad. There are actually some games that I might sit and watch if they were on. The problem is that they won’t be on because we are decorating for Christmas. Still, I don’t have much else to be excited about. Tua got hurt and the insane bowl season doesn’t start up for a couple of weeks. See you next week.
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