Currently Playing…Vol.8

punch out title

Mike Tyson ‘s Punch-Out (NES) The other night I popped this classic into my NES, not really intending to play it, but because I was working on the setup in my game room and wanted to make sure that all of my consoles were working. Right from the opening bell on the title screen I was hooked. I sat down and muttered to myself, ?Just Glass Joe, then I ‘ll get back to finishing up my project. ? Approximately 35 minutes later I was staring at my old nemesis, Soda Popinski. This guy used to absolutely beat the brakes off of me when I was a kid. Yes, that ‘s right; I ‘m ashamed to admit it but I have never beaten Punch-Out. I hated him and you better believe I hated that stupid ******* laugh of his whenever he would knock me down. With my project now completely forgotten, I eagerly pressed ?Start ? so I could show him what the 34 year old me was capable of. Right off the bat, I hit him straight in his eggplant-looking head with a couple jumping right hands, earning myself a super punch. Jumping the gun, I hit ?Start ? and wind up the super punch looking to put him and his red underoos on the mat where that punk belongs. Instead, he smashes me with a huge uppercut and a hook dropping me like a bag of crap. I rapidly hit the A+B buttons and drag myself up off of the mat. Ok, I need to regroup; if I just get the timing down I ‘ll beat him like he stole something. That ?something ? clearly being my pride. Again he goes with the same uppercut that started the knockdown sequence. This time I move to the side and proceed to smash the snot out of him, another missed uppercut leads to another snot-smashing and then it happens; he goes down. On the count of ?5 ? he starts to get up and falls back down. I ‘m going to win! I finally did it! I ‘ve won! I ‘damn, he got back up at ?8 ?. Ok. Let ‘s do this. I hit him with 2 more jumping rights and earn another super punch. He fires 3 jabs in a row and I deftly dodge them and wind up with my hard-earned super punch..and the bell rings. A barrage of expletives flies out of my mouth. ?Ok, this fight isn ‘t getting out of the 2nd round ?, I mutter. He chugs his soda and the fight is back on. I immediately jump up and hit him getting another super punch. He throws his hook and I move to the wrong side, catching it straight in the ol ‘ food hole. Ok, ok, that ‘s alri..damn, another mistimed feint and Mac is now pink as an uppercut finds its mark. Sh*t, I ‘m flustered as my timing is now completely gone which leads to me ending up on the canvas again. No big deal, it ‘s only the first knockdown of this round. I jam on the A+B buttons once again..but this time nothing happens. I ‘m out. Another string of expletives falls out of my mouth as I stare at the screen, not believing that after 25 years, I still can ‘t beat this guy. He takes the center of the ring and laughs at me as I talk myself out of launching my Nintendo controller through my new TV. Well, I was right; it didn’t get out of the 2nd round. God, I love this game.

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