Tag Archives: Thunderbolts

Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes

Introduction

The Thunderbolts* are many things; B-list super heros/villains/anti-heros? But, how would they stack up as Dads? So, in Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes, we aim to rate the team in five important “Dad” categories; Grill Mastery, School Pickup Reliability, DIY Skills, Dad Joke Prowess, Emotional Availability. Specifically, we hope to crown the Baddest and Daddest of them all and settle the argument that nobody else cares anything about.

Because I already told the story of how we finally got to the theater to see Thunderbolts* in a previous article, you can read there. Previously, I wrote there, the trip mirrored the dysfunction of the team quite nicely. While writing that article, I got the idea to have this one for a little more fun because I enjoyed the movie so much and the themes resonated with me on such a visceral level.

Honorable (?) Mention

Valentina Allegra de Fontaine: “Come over here and I’ll give you something to cry about!” Her unresolved trauma from her childhood drives her to want her “kids” to have better, even if that kills both her and them. I don’t agree with that style of parenting. However, you have to say that it was effective in developing the team and bringing them closer together. Sometimes all you need is a common enemy.

Taskmaster: Goes out for milk (gets shot in the head and dies, *spoiler alert*) at the beginning of the movie and never returns. Perhaps, the absentee father who makes things better by not being in the picture? While some have made that argument and I must admit that there’s some merit, the best we can do here is an incomplete.

The Rankings (1 – 4 New Balance)

Yelena Belova:

  • Grill Mastery: 👟👟Reluctantly takes the lead during the cookout.
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟👟👟Surely, that Red Room training comes in handy for punctuality
  • DIY Skills: 👟👟👟She can break it, but she can also fix it.
  • Dad Jokes: 👟👟All that repressed trauma develops a wicked sense of humor.
  • Emotional Availability: 👟Shove them all down into that black pit in the middle of your soul

USAgent

  • Grill Mastery: 👟 👟Not great, but he’s convinced that he’s a four.
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟Too busy reading old headlines
  • DIY Skills: 👟 👟Gets an extra for being willing to ask for help
  • Dad Jokes: 👟Thinks he’s joking. Everyone else thinks he’s an asshole
  • Emotional Availability: 👟His black pit is his entire soul right now

Bucky Barnes

  • Grill Mastery: 👟 👟 👟 You just know he knows his way around a grill.
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟 👟 👟 👟He has the entire US military at his disposal to find you
  • DIY Skills: 👟 👟 👟Picked up a few things from Shuri
  • Dad Jokes: 👟Hydra must have rewired all the humor out of him
  • Emotional Availability: 👟 👟His time with Steve and Sam brings out his soft side now and then.

Ghost

  • Grill Mastery: 👟👟👟But you know she prefers take out
  • Schoool Pickup Reliability: 👟👟She may take an extra job and not be able to make it on time
  • DIY Skills: 👟👟👟Took it upon herself to find a way to counteract her “powers”
  • Jokes:👟She has no time for jokes
  • Emotional Availability:👟It takes everything she has in order to keep her physical being together and can’t afford feelings

Red Guardian

  • Grill Mastery:👟👟But, like Bucky, he thinks he’s a four
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟👟👟👟He may show up with some VIPs in the limo, but he’ll be there.
  • DIY Skills: 👟👟He will fix things up only when absolutely necessary
  • Dad Jokes: 👟👟👟👟The GOAT on the team when it comes to breaking the tension
  • Emotional Availability: 👟👟👟👟Wears his heart on his sleeve and isn’t afraid to you that he loves you and Mother Russia
Note: The rankings are a conglomeration of Bob and Sentry as Void would quickly send him into negative territory and that’s unfair.

Bob/Sentry/Void

  • Grill Mastery: 👟/👟👟Bob would forget and burn everything/Sentry has better things to do
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟👟👟/👟👟Again, Bob would forget, but take you out for ice cream/Sentry has better things to do
  • DIY Skills: 👟/👟Neither Bob nor Sentry posess the skills to fix what’s broken
  • Dad Jokes: 👟👟👟👟/👟Like Yelena, Bob funnels some of his trauma into inappropriate humor/Sentry has better things to do.
  • Emotional Availability: 👟👟👟/👟Bob tried to ignore his pain, but it bubbled to the surface in a big way. Sentry has better things to do

The Final Tally

Tied for Last: John Walker and Sentry with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟 (7)

Fifth: Ghost with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(10)

Fourth: Yelena with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(11)

Third: Bob with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(12)

Second: Bucky with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(13)

First: No surprise, the Baddest Daddest of the team, Alexei with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(16). His Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes are practically off the charts.

The Verdict

Hopefully you enjoyed our Father’s Day article ranking the characters by their Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes as much as we enjoyed writing it. I have a feeling some of you might disagree with our rankings of Bucky. If so, get in touch and let’s have a conversation about it! Come back next week for an epic playthrough of my Warhammer Age of Sigmar miniatures.

All appropriate copyrights to Disney and Marvel.

We (Finally) Saw Thunderbolts*

The Unexpected Heart Behind the Misfit Team Up

Aiden saw the movie on opening weekend. We missed it due to being busy with Wizard of Oz. However, we made plans to go as soon as possible. The plans changed from weekday to weekend, included (then uninvited) Liam’s girlfriend and Christine, and continued to push back until we finally saw Thunderbolts* yesterday evening. And, even that looked to be in some peril!

I suppose the chaos of putting together the plans aptly matches the overall vibe of the film. I don’t care much about spoilers, as you all know, so that wasn’t a consideration. But, as time wore on Liam (and even I once or twice), cried, “By the time we see this movie, it won’t even be in the theaters!” Hell, even a couple of days ago, Chris and Jason texted about playing some cards yesterday. But, I held firm and went with Liam and Quinn to see the movie.

The Team

My introduction to Thunderbolts (as many of my anti-heroes) came during the Warren Ellis run with Norman Osborne. So, when they announced the lineup, I wondered how they might build this team of second tier heroes from some of the more maligned Marvel projects.

Yelena/Black Widow: They introduced her in Black Widow, where she unquestionably stole the show. Unfortunately, Covid timing killed the vibe of the movie, but anyone who watched the movie knew that Pugh had the chops to carry a film, especially one built to her strengths.

Red Guardian: Also brought to life during Black Widow, Harbour brought the chaotic but loveable dad energy that he perfected on Stranger Things. He continues that journey in this film, acting as the fraying knot that holds this whole group together.

Bucky: A B-lister who found himself written to the A-list and then put back on the bench after Falcon and Winter Soldier, some wanted him to take up the mantle of Captain America. True to the comics, they gave it to Sam (and I don’t care what you fuckers say, that was a damn good movie) so Buck went about changing things his own way. You can see Cap’s influence on him.

USAgent/”Captain America”: A main plot to Falcon and the Winter Solider (another project that got whacked by Covid and other real life issues), USAgent shows what can go wrong when the super soldier’s flaws threaten to defeat him.

Ghost: Introduced during Quantumania (another movie I enjoyed) Ghost gets slightly more significant screen time here. But, she still takes a back seat to the other members of the team. As Yelena said, “She killed a lot of people then was killed. Just like all of us one day.”

Other Characters

Our favorite character once we finally saw Thunderbolts* has to be Bob. When I first saw the character, I thought he was Hydra Bob. Without giving too much away (yes, I will repect spoilers this time) they give him

Spoiler

Sentry

[collapse]
a much better fit with this story. Julia Louis Dreyfuss gave us quite a treat as Valentina Allegra de Fontaine, the creator and de facto leader of the team. Taskmaster makes an appearance. That is all. I get it. No spoilers.

The Story

Being the Thunderbolts, these characters need to come together in a less than heroic scenario to serve a heroic purpose. de Fontaine gives them that push, bringing together Ghost, Widow, USAgent, and Taskmaster before they run into Bob. Red Guardian learns of de Fontaine’s plan and comes to the rescue. Bucky also comes to the “rescue.” And the core team forms.

Bob turns out to be more than expected and forms a bond with the members of the team. When de Fontaine twists things to her own benefit, the team starts to fall apart before they realize that they’re all they (and the world at large) have to stop what’s happening. Spoiler Alert: The “good guys” win and so, of course, does de Fontaine.

Themes

Family and the ties that bind: I often say, “family is nothing but blood.” That sometimes rubs my wife the wrong way. What I mean is basically the old, “you can choose your friends, but not your family.” Well, fuck (we’re now rated “R” for this article) that. You can absolutely choose your family. If the people you’re born with aren’t serving you, ship them and find ones that do. If your family shuns you for your identity, there are others who will welcome you. This movie functions solely on this propositiono and Red Guardian helps everyone remember that.

Community above all

Mental Illness: Depression. Bipolar disorder. Generational trauma. The movie deftly deals with all of these in a purposeful and heartfelt way. They show how these conditions steal joy from people in a very real way. They also show how genuine human connection can help fight these. However, it stops short of falling into the trap that you can “cure” yourself simply by reaching out. You also may need professional therapy and/or medication.

Politicians and political influence: Keeping with the counter culture history of comics (they’ve always been “woke”, you’re just now an idiot), government in the MCU exists solely to enrich themselves and keep the people under their thumbs. Sure, they dress it in a veneer of “helpful” or “good intentions”, but that’s all window dressing for their greed and corruption.

The Verdict (We finally saw Thunderbolts*)

As time went on, I found myself waffling a bit and willing to wait until streaming to see the movie. However, I’m now thrilled that we finally saw Thunderbolts*. Like Guardians of the Galaxy, the movie spoke to me on a deeper level than some of the others and I put it in my top 10, possibly top 5 MCU movies right now. If you get a chance and haven’t already, see the movie in the theaters. You won’t regret it.