All posts by Noob of All Trades

Shawn Lucas is the self identified "Noob of All Trades". He is married and the father of three boys, two of whom help with their own podcast every couple of months. Raised on Atari, Nintendo, and Sega, he enjoys all games and will play all of them to the best of his ability, which is often average at best. Currently, he is most interested in Magic, Heroclix, and other games that he can play with Chris and his sons.
Digital Playground

MK11 Aftermath Gameplay/Friendship Reaction

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhb88oEWaZ4

Thanks for watching my MK11 Aftermath gameplay/friendship reaction video. A friend mentioned the gameplay video and warned me against spoiling myself. Those of you who regularly visit the page know that I care nothing about spoilers, so I immediately searched up the trailer to watch. When the friendship trailer then released, I knew I’d have to do a video. These reaction videos seem to be my thing right now.

They’ve been good for me to get comfortable in front of the camera and make more content over the last few months as I’ve been at home from work. I’ve been consistently updating the web page with articles, but podcasts and videos have been slower in happening. I think this makes 3 weeks in a row that I’ve produced at least one video and I do have a list of others that I’d like to finish.

Those will most likely happen after next week, as school ends then. As usual, I offer no promises. However, as I said earlier, I have been much more consistent with content recently so, *fingers crossed*, that will continue as I continue to expand into video.

The only potential “problem” I see is that everyone else will still be in “school” until the middle of June. They’ve been spreading out throughout the house. So, I might not be able to find a quiet place to record the videos. I might just have to do them later in the day or at night when everyone is asleep. Okay, that’s neither here nor there. You don’t really need to know my plans going forward.

Instead, let’s focus on the MK11 Aftermath gameplay/friendship reaction. I always hated animalities. Then again, I’m on board as MK3 being perhaps my least favorite Mortal Kombat game ever. I was fine with Babalities at first but they got old quickly. Friendships, on the other hand, are just as inspired as fatalities a lot of the time. It allows the developers to consider the personalities of the fighters when designing the moves.

Also, for you people who were complaining about the price of the expansion, you get the friendships for free. That’s a damn good deal. Stop complaining. And, for the love of god, get over Mileena already.

On the Tabletop

Pokemon Rebel Clash VMAX Card Review

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Introduction

Thanks for reading my Pokemon Rebel Clash VMAX card review. It has been a while since we’ve had any Pokemon content on the page and that was an article that ultimately never led anywhere. I’m not even sure if I have the cube that I started. Man, I am the king of unfinished projects. Now, though, as has been mentioned, I seemingly have all the time in the world. So, maybe it’s time to start finishing some things.

Then again, JJ Abrams has made a career out of not finishing things.

In the meantime, I noticed that a new Pokemon expansion came out at the beginning of the month. Our Pokemon TCG playing is intermittent. Quinn and I played a game about a month ago that I thought might lead to more consistent games. It didn’t. I’m not entirely sure why.

He seemed like he had fun playing the game and event went to tweak his deck to play again. Then, we didn’t. I mean, don’t feel sorry for us or anything. We’ve played dumb amounts of Minecraft and Lego Ninjago Movie video game. Maybe I should have made this week Lego week instead of Pokemon. Oh well, it is what it is and the new Pokemon set looks neat.

A Note about my Rating System

I don’t usually rate cards, but it felt like the correct way to analyze this set. Since I’m choosing just each VMAX Pokemon from the set, giving them a rating seems like the appropriate way to handle it. 1-10 always feels arbitrarily large and I’ve always been told not to have a “middle rating”. Therefore, I will rate them 1 Pokecoin (I’d never play) to 4 Pokecoins (I’d absolutely play).

Grass Energy (Rillaboom VMAX)

I’m not sure what they’re trying to do with this card. Having not played Pokemon TCG very much recently, I don’t know what the individual energy strategies are. By the looks of it, grass has become stompy. If so, this is a pretty stompy creature for sure. Even so, I’d only give this 2 Pokecoins.

Fire Energy (Cinderace VMAX)

I really like this creature. There’s not much energy investment in either ability. The first one is nice because it might make your opponent think twice about using a big attack. And, the second one burns the opposing Pokemon, which can go a long way to doing some damage over time. I give this one 4 Pokecoins.

Water Energy (Inteleon VMAX)

This is another nice one. With the first attack, you can keep bouncing energy from the opponent’s Pokemon to prevent them from attacking. Or, with the second one, you can snipe weak benched Pokemon and collect prize cards pretty quickly. This guy gets 3 Pokecoins.

Toxicitry VMAX

This guy only has one attack and it is a bit conditional. I mean, 160 is nothing to sneeze at and 240 is overkill in most cases. Even so, this one just doesn’t impress me. I had given the grass guy a 1, but I amended that. This is the new standard for 1 Pokecoin.

Psychic Energy (Dragapult VMAX)

I find this Pokemon intriguing, but not particularly good. Usually, in Magic the Gathering, that means that I’m going to try to find a way to use the card. It could be a one in a million combo that I’ll never actually pull off unless I’m goldfishing, but I’m gonna push that combo. This guy gets 3 Pokecoins.

Dark Energy (Malamar VMAX)

In the past, I’ve been a huge dark energy fan. Usually, I make decks that are dark and psychic. I was looking forward to the dark VMAX Pokemon. I should have tempered my expectations. This card is garbage. If I could, I’d give this one negative Pokecoins. Moving on.

Metal Energy (Copperajah VMAX)

The first attack is decent against beefy basic Pokemon. Otherwise, it’s not bad. The second attack has a huge energy investment, but 240 damage is pretty good. Overall, not a great card, but not a terrible one. If I left myself the wiggle room of a middle rating, I’d give this one that. Since I’d be more likely to not play it than play it, I have to give it 2 Pokecoins. See, that’s why you don’t give a middle rating. Then, you actually have to think about your ratings.

The Verdict

Pokemon has always been my second favorite collectible card game. And, if I’m being honest, it’s pretty far down there. Magic the Gathering is, by far, my favorite and the others are sort of jumbled together in 2nd place. This Pokemon Rebel Clash VMAX card review hasn’t changed my mind much. I’m not going to drop the money on a booster box of the set or anything. I might pick up a deck or some packs, so I guess it puts it firmly in the 2nd place for right now.

Note: All images courtesy of Pokecollector.com. I found them searching for spoilers on the Google machine. Hope they aren’t a litigious bunch!

On the Tabletop

DunGeons and Dragons: Destination Ravnica?

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Introduction

Dungeons and Dragons: Destination Ravnica? The title says it all. I remember back when Wizards of the Coast purchased the Dungeons and Dragons property from TSR, Inc. Being one of those grumpy old man gamers (more so even than I am now as an actual grumpy old man) who railed against the conglomeration happening at the time. I mean, generally speaking, it is a bad thing.

And this is under unfettered and unregulated capitalism. Technically, it’s not a monopoly, right?

Then things more or less went as they had been. It was like the Activision acquisition of Blizzard. People were concerned about that, as well. I mean, sure, you can make an argument that it hasn’t worked out well. And, trust me, people have made that argument. However, I still play Hearthstone daily and the new trailer for Shadowlands has me thinking about picking up World of Warcraft again.

My main point is that the WotC acquisition of Dungeons and Dragons and then the acquisition of WotC by Hasbro has more or less gone off without much of a hitch. Sure, there have been some growing pains, but mostly unless you knew, you’d probably not even know the difference.

Does this qualify as a growing pain? I mean, I enjoy playing it and so does Quinn, but I’m sure there are people who stopped playing MtG because of this.

Okay, that’s not exactly true. In addition to putting the MTG license on board games, they have also released Dungeons and Dragons products with Magic the Gathering lore. The first I heard of this was a campaign based in Ravnica. This makes sense because Ravnica is quite possibly the most popular plane in Magic the Gathering. Well, I finally got around to picking up the sourcebook for the campaign. How is it? I’m glad you asked.

The Great

Well Integrated – You got Dungeons and Dragons in my Magic the Gathering! You got Magic the Gathering in my Dungeons and Dragons! Two great tastes that taste great together? Well, actually, yes. I spend some time in the Dungeons and Dragons Beyond character creation and simply from that I can see that they’ve been able to blend the two games almost flawlessly.

As Chris and I discussed, the art alone is nearly worth the price.

In Depth – Not that I expect any less from Dungeons and Dragons, but you never know. They could have easily just mailed it in. They didn’t. There is an absurd amount of information in this book about the plane of Ravnica and the denizens that reside there. I felt like I was being transported to the plane of Ravnica as I read through the book. Honestly, they’re probably just happy that they get to finally share all of this information with us.

The Good

Sample Adventure – Speaking of mailing it in, the sample adventure that they’ve included in the book feels like just a bit of generic Dungeons and Dragons with the Ravnica characters tossed in for some flavor. I get it. It’s just a sample adventure and D&D has a certain feel to is, so maybe all adventures/games feel like this. I know I had a similar reaction to Pool of Radiance.

I mean, it is cool to see Krenko in this context.

Character Creation – As mentioned earlier, I spent a good two hours in the Dungeons and Dragons Beyond character creation tool. So, why isn’t this in the great section? Well, I now have these two characters that I’ve invested time and emotion into and now I don’t have a campaign to play them. Poor guys.

The Decent

Tables to create adventures – I know that not everyone is creative. However, I was a bit taken aback by the tables that they put in the book to create an adventure. Basically, nearly all of the decision making and creativity is taken out of the task of being a Dungeon Master. Ultimately, it doesn’t affect me and I can ignore it.

And, truth be told, I’ll probably use it once or twice for giggles.

I want more! – Yes, this is a cop out. No, I don’t care. Honestly, the only “bad” thing I can find about this is, in spite of how in depth it is, I still want more. More lore, more characters, more story. The whole thing is just a testament to how much I love both of these games. I can’t wait for Theros to be released.

The Verdict

You never know how these crossovers are going to go. Especially in comic books lately, their super summer crossover events have been lackluster. However, Dungeons and Dragons: Destination Ravnica is an overwhelming success. I already have the adventure that I wrote for the family and I will be sure to expand on that, but there’s nothing that says we can’t have multiple campaigns. See you on Ravnica!

Digital Playground

POOL OF RADIANCE: Noob’s Way Back Machine

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Introduction

I don’t know if I ever played Pool of Radiance. One of my most fond memories of high school is playing Dungeons and Dragons. I’ve already talked some about my memories with paper and pencil D&D. However, I also have extensive experience with the computer games as well.

The thing about the PC games is that I don’t have specific memories of which games I played. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I remember playing the Spelljammer game and I remember playing at least one of the Dark Sun games. I don’t know if I played any of the Dragonlance games, though I’m almost positive that I did at one point or another. It remains my favorite setting even today.

In case there was any question, we’re putting the “way back” in Way Back Machine today.

One game I’m almost positive that I never played was Pool of Radiance. Why, then, am I picking that game to feature? Well, according to my extensive research (a single Google search), it is the first of the PC games to feature the mechanics of D&D. So, it’s only fair that I pick that one as my first entry into the Way Back Machine. If it goes well, I might take a look at one of the Dark Sun games in a couple of weeks. If it goes poorly, I definitely will.

The Great

Decent Graphics – I know many of you will scoff at this. And, you might have a right to do so. However, compared to my expectations, this game blew them away. Granted, I’m not sure what my expectations were, but I clearly forgot about the capabilities of those early games. There were different sprites for the different monsters and you were able to customize your characters to some degree.

I mean, doesn’t he have the classic dwarven features?

Surprisingly in depth – Again, I’m not sure what I was expecting. I mean, we’re not exactly in the prehistory of games, but 1988 is pretty early in the history. The Super Nintendo (when I really started to become involved in video games and consider to be the start of good graphics and consistently good gameplay) is still 3 or 4 years away. I guess the old PC gamer mentality of being a step ahead was true at the time. In addition to the character creation feeling almost (you don’t individually roll stats, but you do pick alignment) like pencil and paper, the features of the game are greater than the sum of their parts. Let’s talk about some of those features.

The Good

Intuitive – Granted, this isn’t pick up and play if you haven’t played Dungeons and Dragons before. It will take some getting used to. As I told Chris when he texted about flipping through a source book, “It’s a whole other language. However, like Magic, once you get used to it, it’s second nature.” This game is very much along those lines. Within a half an hour of (probably too in depth for a simple review article) character creation, I was into the game and wiping my party. (More on that in a bit)

Minimap – Again, those of you who have grown up in modern video game times might get a chuckle out of an oldbie like me thinking that the minimap is worth of mention in the article. But, hear me out. Being an oldbie pencil and paper D&D guy, I took about 5 minutes to look for some graph paper to start drawing my own map of the town before I realized there was a minimap built into the interface.

Even so, my map would have been more detailed.

The Decent

The Story – The story of Pool of Radiance isn’t bad. In fact, it’s actually pretty engaging and gets you into the action quickly. I’m not surprised because this is a TSR (the owners of the D&D license before WotC bought them) product. Even so, the story is pretty generic RPG stuff and isn’t engaging enough to keep me coming back for more. That’s to be expected since The Forgotten Realms is the most generic of D&D settings

Pool of Radiance is hard! – So, I went to the City Hall to find out what commissions I could collect. “Go to the ruins and help clear it of monsters.” Okay, sounds good. Let’s kill some monsters. First encounter in the ruins? A party of kobolds. No problem, right? Wrong. 2 party members dead. Crikey! Let’s rest. Nope. Interrupted by a party of monsters. Let’s rest in the city. Nope. It costs 1 platinum to rest in the inn. Let’s rest in an alley. Nope. Caught by the guards. WTF. Okay, how about a temple? 100 gold pieces for cure light wounds. Jesus. Fine. Now, back into the ruins. Second encounter is a party of orcs. And, we’re all dead. Well, that was fun.

Lucky I saved my game. Now, if only I could figure out how to load it.

The Verdict

Pool of Radiance is a game that definitely stands the test of time. Over 30 years later and I will probably keep going back to try to at least defeat that first dungeon. Who knows? Once I do that, I’m sure that I’ll be back to try to finish the rest of the game. Then, I’ll move on to other games in the series. I have been playing the game on this web based emulator. However, I recently discovered a place that has the game plus a bunch of others for only 10 bucks. I just have to vet the source to make sure that it is legit and not bloatware or virus ridden like the old Limewire files. In spite of the frustration of the game being hard, I suggest you give it a try.

On the Tabletop

D&D: Welcome to Joizha

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Introduction

Welcome to Joizha! Yesterday, on Facebook, I got the question, “When did you start playing Dungeons and Dragons?” The person followed up that they hadn’t heard of the game until high school. So, here’s my story. And, I promise this time it will be a short one.

My mother bought me a book when I was in middle school. It was called “Firstborn: The Eleven (This isn’t correct. Spoiler Alert.) Nations Trilogy”. I read through the entire book and then went searching at Waldenbooks (if you need further proof that I’m old) for more. I don’t think I found the second book in the trilogy, but I did find the Dragonlance Chronicles series.

But, I promised quick and this is already going too long for some of you, I’m sure. It wasn’t until I read the second and, maybe even after I finished the trilogy, that I realized it was the Elven nation. Oh, that makes sense. Sithel and Kith-Kanan are elves. Also, there aren’t 11 nations.

You’d think the angry looking elf king on the front page would have been the only clue I needed.

In any case, that is how I ended up being introduced to Dungeons and Dragons. From the novels, I moved on to the game as most do. First, I purchased the Player’s Handbook and the Dungeon Master’s Guide when I was in high school. I don’t remember if my friends at the time played the game or if I got them into the game. I think it was a mixture of both. Eventually, I started jotting down ideas for campaigns of my own.

What is Joizha?

One of those campaigns I started was an ambitious attempted crossover to introduce technology into Dungeons and Dragons. My friends and I hadn’t discovered RIFTS yet, so this was a ground breaking achievement in my mind. I set out to start building the world. As often happened during my teenage years, the attempt stalled because I was more interested in young women and the mall and going to the mall to look at young women. I didn’t have the courage to talk to any of them.

Whatever.

However, I’m now married. It is frowned upon to look at other women. As a result, I have more time to finish those projects that I started and abandoned all those years ago. I completed two books (I’m more proud of the short stories, if you have time). When this quarantine (I know it’s not technically a quarantine, but we’ve all agreed that’s what we’re calling it) started, I decided to write my own Dungeons and Dragons adventure.

Enter Joizha. It was a small mining town in that “technologically advanced” campaign that I started as a teenager. So, instead of reinventing the wheel for my first campaign that I’d have time to finish, I went back and mined my memories for details. It came together pretty quickly. I fleshed out the town a bit, a harbor city that the party might visit (Staten Harbor), and took a mine from the Campaign and Catacomb Sourcebook as inspiration for the dungeon.

I didn’t upload a picture of Joizha yet to my Instagram, but here’s a rough draft of Staten Harbor

Welcome to Joizha (Eventually)

I haven’t written about Dungeons and Dragons in over 5 years. As mentioned in one of the articles I wrote back then, it’s mainly because Chris doesn’t play. The boys and I (and even Christine) played a game last year, but it ended a bit sour with the boys saying that they were bored. So, I went researching on ways to make it more interesting for them.

Then, I got a second job as a custodian at nights and things fell apart in more ways than one. I just didn’t have the time to dedicate to an extended D&D campaign. Now, as mentioned several times over the past month, I have nothing but time. Especially when school ends, we’ll be lousy with free time. So, hopefully, I have the opportunity to say, “Welcome to Joizha!” to my family and get a chance to play through the dungeon with them.

Digital Playground

WoW: Shadowlands Trailer Reaction

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIgReSFd3ZU

Thanks for watching my WoW: Shadowlands trailer reaction video. A couple of days ago, I recorded a reaction video for the new Mortal Kombat 11 expansion, Aftermath trailer. On the same day that I got the idea to do that video, I learned that there was a trailer for the new World of Warcraft expansion.

I have a long and somewhat checkered history with World of Warcraft. I won’t admit to being addicted to the game (because that just sounds sad). However, I played a ton of WoW and my /played time on that game is rivaled only by my played time on Skyrim. I haven’t played WoW in a few years. I sometimes miss it and feel the pull back into the game, though.

My most recent character was a Tauren (not this one pictured) named Karrne, because Carne is Spanish for “beef”. Cow man, beef, get it? Yeah, not many others did either. They thought I was paying homage to the Chieftain of the Tauren, Cairne. Oh well.

And, so, that’s how I ended up watching the trailer and texting my friend, “I just watched the trailer for the new World of Warcraft expansion and I think I’m back in.” He texted back about me being back out. You know, the old Godfather quote that everyone uses. I replied, “There’s plenty of time to change my mind.”

Honestly, I don’t think that I’ll end up playing World of Warcraft again. Sure, as I’ve mentioned more than once, I do have the time to play the game. But, I don’t think that it is one of those games that I need to play anymore. I have games that I play with the boys and those are more of a priority for me.

So, will this WoW: Shadowlands trailer reaction be the first in a series of dominoes that will send me spiraling back into the game? Stay tuned to find out!

Digital Playground

Mortal Kombat 11 AfterMath Reaction

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KvpDKlAY1k

Thanks for watching my Mortal Kombat 11 Aftermath Reaction Video. A few days ago, I noticed an announcement on Ed Boon’s Twitter account. It was about something coming for Mortal Kombat 11. People speculated that new story content was coming. They were partially right. Mortal Kombat 11 Aftermath will arrive on May 26th with new story content, 3 characters, some skin packs, new stages, stage fatalities, and friendships!

I’ve never done a reaction video before. However, this one seemed perfect for my first one. I watched the video over a dozen times. It still makes me smile every time. There is so much in this update. Recently, I was told that some people are upset that it costs money.

Hey, you’re all entitled to your opinion. When I first discovered that it was going to cost 40 dollars, I was initially shocked. However, I talked to a buddy about it and he didn’t hesitate in his pre-purchase. That’s all I needed to hear. I’m going to put money down next Thursday when I get paid. The content alone is enough.

As you know if you read my article, I loved the story of Mortal Kombat 11. They hired an actual writer to do the story this time and it shows. Getting more of that story alone is a good thing and I’m willing to pay for that. Besides, we all knew deep down that this was going to cost us something. This is the same company that charged money for a Frost character that you could unlock simply by playing through the story mode. So, pay for it or don’t. I’ll be logged in on the 26th ready to play.

I hope you enjoyed my Mortal Kombat 11 Aftermath Reaction video!

Digital Playground

XBox One Minecraft Tour

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Introduction

XBox One Minecraft Tour? I’ve been planning to do Minecraft in May for the last three years. Generally speaking, May is when things ramp up in school. This year is no different, but the ramping up looks quite different. As a result, I will at least get to do Minecraft in the first week of May for now. The rest of the month, I’m going to focus on family games.

Similar to Mortal Kombat, I’m not sure how I’d do a review of Minecraft at this point. I don’t think there have been any updates recently other than a hot fix of some bugs. Additionally, if you’ve ever even seen a screenshot of Minecraft, you pretty much know the game. Finally, for the purposes of this introduction, there aren’t the same kind of mods on XBox One as on the PC, so I can’t really review them.

As a result, I’m going to do the same thing I did with Mortal Kombat. I will record a couple of videos giving a tour of two worlds that Quinn and I have been working on recently. Check them out and hopefully these are the videos that get me uploading to YouTube more often!

Massive Mine World

Quinn started this world and I joined after he had built the small house and started to dig out the underground base. I added a Nether portal that he moved into the base, which was a better location. I, as I often do, started to mine for diamonds. My latest idea is to try to clear out the bordered level 12 that is inside our mines. We’ll see how that goes. See the video below for the tour.

Video coming soon.

Desert House

Quinn also started this world. He’s been playing a ton of Minecraft lately. As I was watching, I saw the multicolored sand mountains in the background. That gave me the idea to start the house that you will see in the tour. Check out the video for what I mean.

Video coming soon.

Thank You

Thank you for joining me for my XBox One Minecraft Tour. I hope you enjoyed the videos of our works in progress. I will continue to update, especially if I get that area cleared out in the Mine World. Otherwise, hope you enjoy your time in Minecraft. If you haven’t played it before, you are missing out. It’s a simple, but fun time!

Snap *censored* Pop Culture

Quarantine Draft: NFC Edition

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Introduction

It’s the Quarantine Draft: NFC Edition! This week has been a bit weird for us here at 2GG. I’m not sure entirely why, but I haven’t been as motivated this week to get things done. It’s weird because I’ve been “off” from school for the last three days. So, it should be easy to just write two stupid articles “analyzing” the draft that happened last weekend.

Instead, I’ve been playing Minecraft with Quinn, running two kids to Urgent Care (everything is fine), and finalizing my first written D&D campaign. I mean, it’s time well spent, but I’ve been trying to keep momentum going on the web page, but that’s been neglected. Oh well, I’ve still been able to get these articles out, even if they weren’t Plan A and aren’t very good.

Sometimes you just gotta say f**k it.

In fact, I just said “F**k it” all day today and played D3 instead of writing this article. Then, I spent some time with my family. Again, time well spent, but the web page is suffering a bit this week. Oh well, There’s always next week to get back on track. For now, let’s quarantine ourselves with some NFC draft picks

AFC East

Dallas Cowboys – As I was writing this one, I had a lot of 1s and even a couple of 0s. Thinking I might already be tired of this shtick. Thankfully, this is the last one of these I have to write for at least a year. Either way, I gave them a 3 (see the previous article for the scale), because I want to get CeeDee Lamb drunk and see what’s on his phone that he wouldn’t let his girlfriend scroll through.

New York Giants – I give them a 4. I don’t even think I looked at their draft picks. I just want to stand in solidarity with their GM for wearing a mask to a quarantine draft. In a country where everything is political, I’m not sure why I’m surprised that wearing masks has become an issue, but I am. Goodness gracious.

Philadelphia Eagles – Man, the AFC did things right. In a draft of 1s and 2, every one of the teams is a 3 or 4. This time, I ranked Philly high because they took Jalen Hurts. I wasn’t a fan of Hurts necessarily. In fact, as you might know, I was on the Bama Evil Empire train until Tua took over for Hurts and led them to a National Championship, But, Hurts seems like a good kid and took it all in stride. That gets kudos from me.

Washington *redacted* – ESPN might have caved to pressure, but I refuse. They complain about not being able to say a racist nickname and storm state capitals with weapons, but I’m the snowflake? Sure, okay. In any case, they took Chase Young and he seems like he’d be fun to hang out with. They get a 3.

NFC North

Chicago Bears – I gave them a 1, only because I kind of want to Face Time the GM and tell him that 2000 called and they want their first round big TE pick back. I mean, it might work out okay. In general, having a hulking receiver will work out okay, but that’s certainly not the way that NFL offenses are trending.

Detroit Lions – Another 1. And I have nothing to really say about the Lions either, so let me tell you a story about the Cowboys. I just had to look up which division they played in. I’m a bit worried, folks, about my mental decline during this non-quarantine quarantine.

Green Bay Packers – The NFC North is starting to become like the AFC South. I probably could just send all of these teams to London to restart NFL Europe. I have little use for any of them.

Minnesota Vikings – And after saying that, I now have to admit that I gave the Vikings a 4. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. I just saw that they had about a dozen draft picks. Surely, one or two of them has to be worth hanging out with.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons – Jeez. I must miss baseball. I almost typed in the Braves for the Falcons. Whatever. Either way, they get a 1. After the last couple of years, I’m kind of done with the Falcons. Can we relegate them?

Carolina Panthers – I gave them a 2. That might be generous. I’m not sure. All I know is I could be convinced to bump that to a 3. They drafted two guys with hyphenated names. I mean, that’s not something you see every year in the draft.

New Orleans Saints – All I put in my notes is 0. I suppose that I wasn’t impressed. Moving on. Guess, I should say something nice. I want to visit New Orleans.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I give their draft a zero, but to be a fly on the wall of the locker room next year. As you no doubt know, Tampa Bay made some of the biggest waves (at least in terms of headlines) by signing both Brady and Gronkenstein.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals – They get a 1. Moving on. No, I’m not going to say something nice. If you’ve surmised that I am sick of this shtick, then you’d be correct.

Los Angeles Rams – I have no use for the current Rams team, but I gave their draft class a 3 on quarantine hang out potential. All I wrote was Akers and Miami (OH) in my notes. I still remember when I discovered there was a Miami University in Ohio and they still screw me up on the scrawl sometimes when I don’t read closely enough.

San Francisco 49ers – They get a 0, too. Hey, at least they were runners up in the SB last year. I’m just trying to sound current with that “nice” comment. I actually had to look up who played the Chiefs in this (I almost wrote last, that’s how long this year has felt) year’s Super Bowl.

Seattle Seahawks – I put a 2, and just the word Sounders in the notes. I’m not sure if that means that I could go either way on the draft class and wanted to mention the Sounders winning the championship again. Or, if I’d pretend to want to quarantine with them and then go to the Sounders instead. Now that I see it typed, I think it is the latter.

The Verdict

Unlike the AFC Edition, Quarantine Draft: NFC Edition isn’t as entertaining. Sure, the Buccaneers got Brady, but by this time, Chris is numb to the fact that Brady is gone. In face, he’s actually been talking the last two years that they should have planned for Brady leaving. He even advocated letting Brady go. Still, it’ll be fun to see how the season plays out, if it does. I mean, Supreme Leader says it’ll happen and when has he ever lied or been wrong?

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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Quarantine Draft: AFC Edition

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Introduction

Welcome to my Quarantine Draft: AFC Edition. To be perfectly honest, this week was going to be dedicated to Doom because the new Doom game just came out, but that felt like too many weeks of relevant and current gaming content in a row. I am putting Doom off until June when I’ll have more time to record videos of game play.

Another truth: I forgot the draft was happening. I mean, I’ve been off and on with the NFL lately (more on than off last year because my man Mahomes and his boys beat someone in the Super Bowl) for almost a decade now, so that shouldn’t be much of a surprise. Nevertheless, Chris texted me a few times about it because he’s frustrated by Belichick’s post Tom Brady plans so far. I figured, why not do an article about the draft. It’s been a while since we’ve done sports…well, anywhere.

I suppose I told two truths, so now time for a lie? Nah I won’t do that to you. Instead, I’ll finally get to the introduction portion of the article. The basis of this article is a 0-4 scale on how much I’d like to be quarantined with the team’s draft class. 0 – Unlikely, 1 – Not Very Likely, 2 – Neither Likely nor Unlikely, 3 – Very Likely, 4 – Extremely Likely. Yes, I understand that gives me a “middle ground” cop out option of 2, but I only utilized it 4 times out of the 16 AFC teams and I might change them as I rewrite and edit here.

AFC East

Buffalo Bills – Chris was so dejected when the Bills took Fromm instead of the Patriots getting him. I’m not sure if that was the last straw or if it was Eason, but he’s really down on Belichick right now. I told him, “I’ll get my kicks in while I can because they’ll probably win the AFC East again.” What does that have to do with the bills? Nothing, but I’d like to hang out with Fromm, Dane Jackson is from Pittsburgh (my original hometown), and Gabriel Davis is from UCF, which is my adopted team ever since they crowned themselves. These guys get a 3.

Miami Dolphins – This is where Chris’s spiral started last week. The Dolphins took my new man crush, Tua, after he confidently texted me that he was probably going to the Patriots. Nuff said, as far as I’m concerned. Tua alone makes this one a 4.

New England Patriots – 0, Eff the Pats.

New York Jets – I gave them a 1. The only reason I went 1 instead of 0 is because they took an offensive lineman with their first pick. I will forever remember them as the “butt fumble” team, so that just struck me as funny. I’m sure it would get old for him pretty quickly, so their answer for me would probably be a 0.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens – I gave them a 1. I didn’t read beyond their first pick and that LJ called him the next Ray Lewis. I don’t need to be getting murdered before Covid-19 can get me. We got old jokes for days here at 2GG!

Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow gets this to a 3. He seems like a chill dude and he played for LSU. Louisiana is, rightly or wrongly, like party city in my head. They also took an OLB from Appalachian State. I would want to ask him if they still talk about the time they beat Michigan. But, that doesn’t quite push it to a 4. I could live without the answer.

Cleveland Browns – While I’d probably give their actual team a 4, this draft class doesn’t do much for me. I gave them a 1 because I’d hope during the quarantine that maybe some of the guys like Baker and OBJ would break quarantine and come hang out with us.

Pittsburgh Steelers – My only notes for my childhood team are 2 – Eh. I guess that means I’m not impressed. I do like that they took a WR in the first round. It means that I won’t have to listen to Simmons and Sal wonder how the Steelers keep getting lucky with their late round WR picks. However, a 2 is almost more damning than a 0. It just means I don’t care that much to actually give it a rating.

AFC South

Houston Texans – They get a 0. They will forever and always get a 0. Other than Deshaun Watson, the entire team can be sold to Mexico to help pay down the national debt. You thought I was going to make another political joke, didn’t you? Well, not here.

Indianapolis Colts – Initially, I put a 2, but I’m going to bump it up to a 3. The Dolphins took Tua, Buffalo took Fromm, and the non divisional rival took Eason to complete the torture of Chris. Add to it that they took a player from my alma mater and, yeah, a 3 is probably apropros.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Like the Texans, we can get rid of the Jags. Other than the year that I won my fantasy football league with Blake Bortles as my quarterback (thus starting my UCF fandom), I sometimes forget that the Jags exist. So, how much traction am I going to try to get out of this Blake Bortles story? Well, do you have a better one? They get a 1 because they drafted a guy named Shaquille.

Tennessee Titans – Jesus, can we just get rid of the AFC South already? I couldn’t even remember what this stupid teams name was. I wanted to say Tuxedos? Whatever, they drafted a guy from Hawai’i. I don’t know the rules of this quarantine, but if I got to spend a month in Hawai’i, I’d be okay with that.

AFC West

Denver Broncos – They’re a 2, leaning to 3. They got Jerry Jeudy and a guy named Cleveland. I could ask him how he feels playing for the…oh, never mind. It’s a solid 2. But, Jeudy will be fun to watch next year.

Kansas City Chiefs – Helaire by himself is a 3. I didn’t see any other names on the list. But, just to be able to play against the guy in Madden with himself on the Chiefs to see if they could possibly go undefeated next year would be a fun exercise.

Los Angeles Chargers – Holy cow. I might have forgotten the Tuxedos names, but I forgot the Chargers were a team. Twice. The first time, I had to come back to add this section. Then, I nearly called them the Clippers. I was going to give them a 2 because I thought their QB’s name was Hebert, but it’s Herbert. So, they’re demoted to a 0.

Las Vegas Raiders – I’m not even sure that I looked at their draft picks, but the Raiders are in Vegas, baby! Similar to my wish to spend quarantine in Hawai’i, why not Vegas? It’s warm, there’s plenty of entertainment (except the casinos shut down), and it’s warm. Eff this New England spring. They get a 3.

The Verdict

Even though I forgot about it, the Quarantine Draft: AFC Edition was entertaining to watch. By that, I mean it was fun to watch Chris slowly lose his mind as Belichick passed over QB after QB in favor of, in the immortal words of one of his last texts, “They took a kicker!” Aside from that, I didn’t pay as much attention to college football the last couple of years, so I didn’t know as many of the players. Here’s hoping that Covid-19 allows us to watch football in the fall.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).