Introduction
I started this series last year in a completely fictional sense. Then, after the Super Bowl played out, Fan Duel went live in Massachusetts. I took the 200 dollars they gave me and turned it into 1000. Then, I got stupid and lost it all. Oh well, let that be a lesson to us all. Bet virtual money as if it was real money because, hell, it actually is. Living in the future is weird. Even with all of that, I intend to stick to my mantra of not betting on a game where the ball bounces funny, so Betting the Bowl 2024 exists only on the internet.
Ridiculous Prop Bets for Super Bowl 58
Coin Toss
I went on a bit of a rant last year about the coin toss. While this represents probably the safest bet in all of gambling, I can’t bring myself to accept that anyone actually bets this thing with any conviction.
Gatorade Color
They zagged last year with purple. I put virtual money on either green or yellow with some money on red because those were the colors of the teams. Now, I’m thinking that they zagged to rake in that easy money from dopes like me who think they know something about something. Which now makes me think that they might zig this time since purple hit a few times over the last few years.
Scorigami
I saw this in an article that I searched for prop bets. Ever since visiting the page after several mentions on my favorite sports podcast, I became somewhat obsessed with Scorigami. It’s when a score occurs that never occurred before. While there’s a low chance, 25 to 1 is nothing to sneeze at. I’d throw five bucks that way.
Single Dollar Picks
Stealing yet another Bill Simmons idea, I came up with single dollar picks for last year’s article. He has million dollar picks. I have single dollar picks. Last year, I bet 1 dollar and won back 94 cents, so I have 1.94 to play with this year.
Surest Bet (KC to win the first half): The Chefs MO against the Rats in the AFC Championship was to come out firing and then just slowly squeeze the life out of them in the second half. And it worked. Add to the fact that Brock Purdy’s been slow starting games and that just makes sense to me. Plus, it’s even money and you can parlay for better odds on another ticket. Bet: 0.39 cents to win 0.38.
Game/MVP Parlay (SF/Purdy, KC/Mahomes): I cleaned up a few years ago with the Kupp MVP selection, but it’s usually a quarterback. KC/Mahomes pays +350 and SF/Purdy gives +514. Either way, you make money. Only possible spoiler I see i Kelce getting 3 TDs. 0.25 on each to win 0.88 with Mahomes or 1.29 with Purdy.
Taking the Number Here (Kelce to score first TD): He’s 7.5 to one to get it done. If KC wins the toss, defers, and stones SF on their first drive, I can see Mahomes leaning on Kelce and him scoring. Bet: 0.10 to win back 0.75.
I gotta be honest here. I’m not terribly inspired to write this article right now and I can’t find any bets that interest me other than those ones. So, I’m pocketing my winnings from last year and I’ll finish up with the Perplexing Penny Parlay.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
Last year, I put together a parlay that paid out over 100 dollars on a single penny bet. I also wanted the bet to be somewhat plausible. That worked out to 5 out of the 7 legs hitting and me feeling pretty good about myself. I think I said I might shoot for 1 million this year, but maybe I’ll just add one zero for Betting the Bowl 2024.
Chiefs First Half (-102)
Chiefs Game (+100)
Under 47.5 (-110)
Patrick Mahomes MVP (+125)
Travis Kelce First TD (+750)
Travis Kelce Most Receptions (+155)
Longest TD Under 1.5 Yards (-160)
Scorigami (+2000)
Total Payout of 125.83 on a penny bet. Getting to 1000 proved to be too hard this year, so as 31 teams find themselves saying every year, “Wait until next year.” Maybe I will have more inspiration then.
The Verdict
Last year I watched the Super Bowl with my father in law. This year, he invited me again to watch with my brother in law. Then, Chris and Jason invited me over. Then, my father in law invited m y wife and sister in law. I think that all of this social time is inhibiting my interest in betting the bowl 2024. Instead, I just want to sit and watch with my family this year.