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Superman (Gunn Version) Review

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Introduction

The second entry in the most anticipated July movie season in recent memory released this week. The first was Jurassic World. Next is Fantastic Four in a couple of weeks. A few of our friends saw the movie in early screenings on Thursday. We waited until yesterday and went as a family. As I watched the movie, I wondered how to frame this Superman (Gunn Version) review.

I considered writing a straight review of the movie. However, that rarely fits with my style. So, I tried to think of other ways to write it. The most obvious, and my final choice, revolves around the “controversies” of the movie. As I wrote on social media earlier in the week. Superman is not woke. You’re just a terrible person.

As much as I hate to platform these Nazi fucks, I feel that it is important to show just how dumb they are. And, people fall into the trap every single time.

Really? Okay, Fine, Let’s Do This

SyderBots vs. James Gunn’s Superman: I saw this one early in the development of the movie. Snyder’s fans came out of the woodwork to bash the casting of David Coronswet. They further went on to say that the movie looked too “cartoony”. It’s a fucking comic book movie, you cretins! They absolutely lost their shit when Krypto showed up on the sneak preview trailer. Look, I hated Snyder’s take on Superman. But, I gave it chance after chance and watched every single one of the movies. Except the Snyder Cut. By that time, they exhausted me and I gave up. I mean, these dudes are just deranged. And, I like the meta commentary of the infinite monkeys in the movie. That’s what I’ll call them from now on.

Truth, Justice, and a Better Tomorrow: Other than the fact that Superman debuted in a country famous for jingoism, I never understood the “American Way” version of the original slogan. Besides, why is the default always the “United States” of America. We named two whole ass continents America. And, even so, they only represent a small fraction of the world population as a whole. So, Superman, a dude who flies around the world and saves everyone equally, now represents that world’s population. The absolute horror. Seriouly, folks, shut off that right wing echo chamber and take a breath.

Note: My SEO addon suggests that I limit my subheadings to less that three hundred words. As a result, I moved this one to its own subheading.

Superman is Woke?

Let’s ignore, for a moment, that the word woke has lost all meaning. The infinite monkeys did what they always do. They co-opted something good and turned it into something bad so that they could relentlessly attack it. I used to joke that “woke” became their new word because they couldn’t use the N-word. It’s not a joke anymore because now they do the same with DEI. I watched the movie. Yes, it leans into the theme of Superman as an immigrant. James Gunn chose that theme to appeal to your empathy. If you can accept Superman, the ultimate illegal immigrant, as a good person, maybe you can apply that empathy to actual living human beings. Human beings that now find themselves being threated with swamps filled with alligators.

I never thought I’d have to say it, but if you’re rooting for people to be eaten by alligators, you’re not a good person. They named the guy who wanted to do that Dr. Evil, for the love of all that is holy. What breaks inside of you that makes you pick on those weaker than you? Why punch down? What gains come from that? Meanwhile, the people who always harm society and the planet continue to commit actual violence against us and our environment. Lex Luthor, the soulless capitalist perverting and exploiting everything to his whims. I know people want to sound smart, by positing “there’s no true good or evil”, but why can’t we agree that the d-bags who hoover up all the money and leave us fighting for scraps probably aren’t the heroes that we make them out to be? I mean, any time something horrible happens, it can always be traced back to them and their decisions.

We Live in Parody

Once upon a time, we considered that so ridiculous that they included it in an Austin Powers movie. Austin Powers is an over the top parody of an already over the top genre. Sorry to explain the joke, but we’ve definitely lost the thread recently.

I never thought I’d see the day when Superman became controversial. Above, I told people to shut off Fox News. At this point, that should just be a given. They paid out numerous fees and penalties. They admitted in a court of law that they qualify as “entertainment” and not “news”. Yet, they continue to break ratings records. Unreal.

Lately, I advocate for kicking everyone off social media for 5 years or so. Give us all time to reset our brains and interact with one another without the algorithm telling us who to hate. Yes, even rich people. Repeatedly, I talk about guillotines or wood chippers. However, if we force rich people to start interacting with poor people, things might change. Get rid of charter schools and make the rich kids come back to public school. Rezone everything for affordable housing and prevent them from owning multiple properties until everyone has a home.

See how quickly they change the rules to better fund public insitutions. Also, require people to vote. As it stands, only the crazies on the right and the centrists have a voice right now. Everyone needs to get out and give their opinions. Restore balance. Otherwise, kiss it all good-bye. We’ve seen this story and it never ends well.

The Verdict – Superman (Gunn Version) Review

The TLDR of my Superman (Gunn Version) Review: I loved it. Christine asked if it was accurate to the comics. I replied, “There’s been 700 different Superman characters, so it’s tough to say.” What I can say is that this version of Superman followed the character the most closely since the Christopher Reeve movies. We don’t need a grittier version of Superman. One, it already exists in at least three forms (Brightburn, Omni Man, and Homelander). Two, Superman represents those things; truth, justice, and a better future. For everyone.

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Jurassic World Rebirth Review

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Introduction

On Wednesday, Quinn, Christine, and I went to see the new entry into the Jurassic Park franchise. I heard both that it was the best movie since the first two and that it was the worst of the sequels. You all know that I like to make my own decisions about popular culture independent of the rage baiting of social media. You also know that I generally find something to enjoy about every creative project. Besides, at the beginning of the movie, I turned to Quinn and said, “32 years ago, I sat in a theater and watched the first movie.” So, the TLDR of it all is that my Jurassic World Rebirth review will be mostly positive. If you’re looking for a miserable take, look elsewhere.

Note: Ratings out of 🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖

Characters

None of them stand out on their own. They try with a variety of backstories that mostly boil down to a dead friend or colleague haunts them. And, their poverty pushes them into ever more dangerous scenarios. That’s the “professionals”, hired mercenaries to lead an expedition to collect dinosaur DNA that can potentially save millions of lives. At a price, of course. More on that in a minute or so. 🦖🦖

Hot lady mercenary, hot dude mercenary, and hot museum curator.

The movie introduces a family into the dinosaur madness. They’re apparently sailing across part of the ocean to celebrate their daughter’s graduation and acceptance into college. After and encounter with the mosasaur, they get rescued by the mission and become a side plot with some fun scenes. More on that in a bit. Their characters are slightly more fleshed out and show some growth throughout the movie and you genuinely root for them. They write them as obvious protagonists. However, you also cheer for them because you genuinely like them. 🦖🦖🦖🦖

They, too, are all impossibly good looking. I guess ugly people don’t ever have adventures.

Plot

Without giving away too much, it’s what you’d expect. I already covered some of it in the characters section, but here goes more specifics. A mercenary team along with a dinosaur expert travel to a remote area in order to retrieve living dinosaur DNA. They save a family from a dinosaur encounter. When they get to the island, the plot splits them up The mercenaries travel around to collect the samples. The movie gives us a beautiful scene with some Titanosaurus, an absolutely terrifying encounter with avian dinosaurs, and a final encounter with a butt ugly mutant that needs to be put out of its misery.

Meanwhile, the family follow in the footsteps of Grant and the kids from the first movie. More than once, I thought to myself, this is like the first movie. I mean, it makes sense because it’s the same creative team (minus Crichton), but it was still cool. They also get the obligatory T-Rex encounter that I eluded to in the last section. Small predators stalk them in an enclosed space and play no small part in the final show down. In every one of these scenarios, I wanted them to win (except for the very beginning when you are meant to hate the boyfriend).

Overall Plot: 🦖🦖

Themes

The Enshitification of Everything and the Fallout: By the time we get to this movie, people are so used to the dinosaurs that they’ve become a public nuisance. As Quinn put it when we talked about the movie after, it’s a meta commentary on social media and society as a whole. Instead of meeting the movies with awe and wonder, people now just sort of roll their eyes and crap all over the movies because “we’ve seen it all before.” I see this as an extension of the capitalists (more on them in a minute) making everything worse in the name of squeezing every last penny of profit from it. People now just naturally respond to something new with the skepticism that it’s just another ploy to get their money. 🦖🦖

I mean, this scene alone made the movie worth my time. And there are others that are just as cool.

Man vs. Nature: If I remember my high school English courses, this is one of the fundamental conflicts of fiction. Jurassic Park always revolves around this one (and man vs. man, but that’s discussed next) with the caveat that while man can momentarily overcome nature, ultimately nature will win. Its a good reminder for those who think that we can continually abuse our planet and think that there will be no repercussions for it. She’s notices and she won’t forget. 🦖🦖🦖

Science vs. Capitalism: People sometimes talk about how the science goes wrong in Crichton stories. I used to think that, too. Then, I read and argument that the science went right and that capitalism, and that search for endless profit, corrupted the science and caused it to fail. That makes so much more sense in context and they bring this argument back in a big way in this movie. Hell, one of the characters plainly brings this point up to another during a conversation. 🦖🦖🦖🦖

The Verdict (Jurassic World Rebirth Review)

I told you that, even with the minor quibbles I have with the movie, my Jurassic World Rebirth review is full of positivity. Like I said to some guy on the internet ™ on Reddit, all I want from my entertainment is to be entertained. Well, this movie entertained me. Let me know what you all thought in the comments. Maybe we can have a spirited debate. 🦖🦖🦖

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Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes

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Introduction

The Thunderbolts* are many things; B-list super heros/villains/anti-heros? But, how would they stack up as Dads? So, in Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes, we aim to rate the team in five important “Dad” categories; Grill Mastery, School Pickup Reliability, DIY Skills, Dad Joke Prowess, Emotional Availability. Specifically, we hope to crown the Baddest and Daddest of them all and settle the argument that nobody else cares anything about.

Because I already told the story of how we finally got to the theater to see Thunderbolts* in a previous article, you can read there. Previously, I wrote there, the trip mirrored the dysfunction of the team quite nicely. While writing that article, I got the idea to have this one for a little more fun because I enjoyed the movie so much and the themes resonated with me on such a visceral level.

Honorable (?) Mention

Valentina Allegra de Fontaine: “Come over here and I’ll give you something to cry about!” Her unresolved trauma from her childhood drives her to want her “kids” to have better, even if that kills both her and them. I don’t agree with that style of parenting. However, you have to say that it was effective in developing the team and bringing them closer together. Sometimes all you need is a common enemy.

Taskmaster: Goes out for milk (gets shot in the head and dies, *spoiler alert*) at the beginning of the movie and never returns. Perhaps, the absentee father who makes things better by not being in the picture? While some have made that argument and I must admit that there’s some merit, the best we can do here is an incomplete.

The Rankings (1 – 4 New Balance)

Yelena Belova:

  • Grill Mastery: 👟👟Reluctantly takes the lead during the cookout.
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟👟👟Surely, that Red Room training comes in handy for punctuality
  • DIY Skills: 👟👟👟She can break it, but she can also fix it.
  • Dad Jokes: 👟👟All that repressed trauma develops a wicked sense of humor.
  • Emotional Availability: 👟Shove them all down into that black pit in the middle of your soul

USAgent

  • Grill Mastery: 👟 👟Not great, but he’s convinced that he’s a four.
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟Too busy reading old headlines
  • DIY Skills: 👟 👟Gets an extra for being willing to ask for help
  • Dad Jokes: 👟Thinks he’s joking. Everyone else thinks he’s an asshole
  • Emotional Availability: 👟His black pit is his entire soul right now

Bucky Barnes

  • Grill Mastery: 👟 👟 👟 You just know he knows his way around a grill.
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟 👟 👟 👟He has the entire US military at his disposal to find you
  • DIY Skills: 👟 👟 👟Picked up a few things from Shuri
  • Dad Jokes: 👟Hydra must have rewired all the humor out of him
  • Emotional Availability: 👟 👟His time with Steve and Sam brings out his soft side now and then.

Ghost

  • Grill Mastery: 👟👟👟But you know she prefers take out
  • Schoool Pickup Reliability: 👟👟She may take an extra job and not be able to make it on time
  • DIY Skills: 👟👟👟Took it upon herself to find a way to counteract her “powers”
  • Jokes:👟She has no time for jokes
  • Emotional Availability:👟It takes everything she has in order to keep her physical being together and can’t afford feelings

Red Guardian

  • Grill Mastery:👟👟But, like Bucky, he thinks he’s a four
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟👟👟👟He may show up with some VIPs in the limo, but he’ll be there.
  • DIY Skills: 👟👟He will fix things up only when absolutely necessary
  • Dad Jokes: 👟👟👟👟The GOAT on the team when it comes to breaking the tension
  • Emotional Availability: 👟👟👟👟Wears his heart on his sleeve and isn’t afraid to you that he loves you and Mother Russia
Note: The rankings are a conglomeration of Bob and Sentry as Void would quickly send him into negative territory and that’s unfair.

Bob/Sentry/Void

  • Grill Mastery: 👟/👟👟Bob would forget and burn everything/Sentry has better things to do
  • School Pickup Reliability: 👟👟👟/👟👟Again, Bob would forget, but take you out for ice cream/Sentry has better things to do
  • DIY Skills: 👟/👟Neither Bob nor Sentry posess the skills to fix what’s broken
  • Dad Jokes: 👟👟👟👟/👟Like Yelena, Bob funnels some of his trauma into inappropriate humor/Sentry has better things to do.
  • Emotional Availability: 👟👟👟/👟Bob tried to ignore his pain, but it bubbled to the surface in a big way. Sentry has better things to do

The Final Tally

Tied for Last: John Walker and Sentry with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟 (7)

Fifth: Ghost with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(10)

Fourth: Yelena with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(11)

Third: Bob with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(12)

Second: Bucky with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(13)

First: No surprise, the Baddest Daddest of the team, Alexei with 👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟👟(16). His Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes are practically off the charts.

The Verdict

Hopefully you enjoyed our Father’s Day article ranking the characters by their Thunderbolts* Dad Vibes as much as we enjoyed writing it. I have a feeling some of you might disagree with our rankings of Bucky. If so, get in touch and let’s have a conversation about it! Come back next week for an epic playthrough of my Warhammer Age of Sigmar miniatures.

All appropriate copyrights to Disney and Marvel.

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Nerds Are the Worst

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Introduction

Alternate Title: Why Do We Always Hate What We Love? For years, I talked about how Star Wars nerds are the worst. They regularly shit on everything Star Wars related for nearly three decades. The prequels, the sequels, now the various Disney+ projects. It has been exhausting. I just stopped reading and listening so that I could enjoy them in peace.

I repeated the refrain, “Ever since nerd culture became pop culture, nerds feel emboldened to bully one another and the rest of society.” Sure enough, the sickness spread to comic fans who continually scream about “woke” this and “reboots” that. It took a while, but now the cinematic versions of the comics are also falling victim to the sickness. Look, I get that our perpetually online society thrives on division and “controversy”, but can we just have one aspect of our lives that gives us respite from that stupidity? Apparently not. Oh well, let’s start with some of the most recent examples and work backwards. See if we can find a common thread and a way to counteract it.

MCU/DCU

Warner Bros. hired James Gunn away from Marvel after Guardians of the Galaxy 3 to help them rescue their movies and TV shows and try to put them on the same level as Marvel. He announced a roadmap and that much of what happened before wasn’t a part of it. This irritated the so called “Snyderbots” who showed up to attack the first trailer for Superman. Sight unseen with no concrete evidence, they proclaimed that the film would flop and kill DC off forever from ever making movies or TV shows again. You might argue that’s just a small portion of the audience and that their influence isn’t all that great. If it was, Zack Snyder would have been hired back to patch everything together. Seems easier than rebooting everything again.

On the side of the MCU, things are more murky. They genuinely burned some good will by taking short cuts in movies and TV shows like Quantumania and Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Admittedly, some of that happened due to COVID and tight schedules, but nevertheless it happened. Hell, Deadpool himself asked them to cut their losses on the Multiverse, even as he multiverse hopped to save his own. More recently, I’ve seen the hate from the comic book fans infest the new Captain America movie.

I have some hope because on Rotten Tomatoes, the fans are giving it decent ratings. It’s mostly just the critics that don’t like the movie. And you know what we say about critics around here. Those that can, do. Those that cant, enjoy. And those that can’t even do that become critics. For my money, I intend to go and enjoy what I can with the movie. I already have it on good authority that I will like it.

Comics

I got an inkling of the nerd hate during the Marvel Now (I think?) era when they tried to reboot the universe with new characters in their iconic roles. Riri as Iron Heart, Jane Foster as Thor (oh boy, did the manosphere have a field day with that one), and Sam Wilson as Captain America. I joined the Sam Wilson reign during Secret Empire. I loved what they did with the character. Then again, I enjoyed the hell out of Secret Empire. You can find several articles around here about the story.

One of the main arguments nerds made at the time was, “Why redefine already defined characters? Why not come up with new characters?” They almost immediately showed their asses on that argument though, when they crapped on Riri’s character. Okay, fine, while technically a new character, you can make the argument that she shared many commonalities with Iron Man and they intended to replace him with her.

Then, along came Kahhori. Not only was she a completely new character, but they initially made her exclusive to the MCU. One of the episodes of the first season of “What If?”, Kahhori led her people to a successful revolt and overthrow of the colonizers in early America. I mean, hell, if you’re gonna go for it, go for it. Not surprisingly, the mayosapiens were not a fan of this particular origin story. So, yeah, I wonder why they have a problem with Sam Wilson as Cap.

Star Wars

Oh, wow! A new Star Wars movie! How cool is this? Plus, it’s the start of a trilogy that tells the fall and rise of Vader. That’s super cool, right? No, apparently not. As I tell my kids often when they watch the movies (they are Star Wars to them, so they like them best), when the movies first released, Star Wars nerds are the worst of all. They treated them and George Lucas so badly that he told them to fuck off and sold to Disney.

I loved The Phantom Menace. I liked Attack of the Clones fine. And, yes, I remember Revenge of the Sith mostly for the last ten minutes or so of nerdgasm in seeing the rise of Vader. But, watching them again with the kids brought a new appreciation for the movies. Then, when the new trilogy came out, I watched it with them and my father in law. So, nothing people can say will diminish my enjoyment of the movies or the television shows.

The Verdict

Hopefully I made the case that nerds are the worst. I wanted to include video games here. However, this reads like my old thousand word missives from a few years ago. Maybe I will write another article in a couple of months with video games and some of the other instances of nerd on nerd violence. YouTube video hopefully tomorrow.

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Good Morning, Dagobah! (Redux)

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(Editor’s Note: We have no idea if we are officially out of spoiler range for the new Star Wars movie. To be perfectly honest, we don’t care all that much about spoilers here. We are of the opinion that if you can’t enjoy entertainment that’s been spoiled, then perhaps it wasn’t all that entertaining. Besides, the movie has been out for more than a month now. If you haven’t seen it by now and care at all about spoilers, then you get what you deserve. With all of that being said, if you continue to read from this point forward, there are major spoilers to the movie.)

Kylo Ren, real name Ben (most likely named by his Uncle Luke Skywalker in honor of Obi Wan Kenobi) Solo (because he is the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa) kills his father in an attempt to complete his transformation to the Dark Side. I warned you. Enjoy the following funny SNL bit as a peace offering. Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I can talk about the rest of the movie. Don’t worry, we’ll come back to Han and his angry, angry son later.

I already gave my first impressions of the movie right after we saw it. If you read that article, you know that I enjoyed it very much. Half of it was nostalgia, half of it was watching it through the eyes of my own children, and the most important third half of it was being able to introduce this universe to my father in law. I’ve since had some time to ponder the movie more. You probably think that means that the glow has since faded and that I’m now going to write about how the movie is not as good as I first thought. Well, you’re partially right. As time passes, the glow naturally fades and it might sound like I’m bashing the movie, but I’m not. The internet has just created this environment in which you can’t criticize anything without being a hater. Know, then, that I still enjoy this movie, want to see it again and thank it for saving the franchise from the better taste of the prequels. And, I’m one of the few who kind of enjoyed Episodes I-III. Imagine the people who thought the movies were the cinematic equivalent of being warmed inside of a Tauntaun and how relieved they are that a good Star Wars movie was made before they died.

Or, should I say, remade. How’s that for a segue into my first criticism? As with all of them, it is a minor complaint and one that can be easily explained. Nevertheless, I should discuss the good and the bad. Maybe I should take a bad news/good news approach to the article. Seems like the best way to write it. That way I can avoid the inevitable internet accusation of drinking the haterade. Besides, honestly, no matter how much I complain, I did enjoy the movie very much.

Honestly, though, I'm not even sure who drinks this stuff. It tastes like burning.
Honestly, though, I’m not even sure who drinks this stuff. It tastes like burning.

Still, always bad news first. From the opening scent of the movie, when the giant star destroyer flew across the screen, I felt that there was something familiar about this movie. It’s not just because they decided to bring everyone back, either. We all knew that was going to happen. Also, I’m not the only one who thought this. I’ve spoken to several friends who had the same reaction. Okay, enough rationalizing, let’s look at the evidence.

  • The aforementioned star destroyed sets the stage for nostalgia. I thought, “Wow, that’s just like the beginning of Episode IV.”
  • A cute droid carries information that is vital to the good guys.
  • A black masked and cloaked villain with an altered voice. This one is explained in the movie through storytelling, but still suspect at first. Kylo Ren idolizes his grandfather and wants to be just like Darth Vader, so there’s your explanation.
  • An unspectacular protagonist from a desert planet ends up being extremely important to the fate of the galaxy.
  • There is some mystery regarding this protagonist’s life story.
  • This progtagonist becomes the protege of a former scoundrel turned wiser old man who clearly knows more than he’s saying.
  • The past catches up to the old man on several occasions forcing him to reconcile with that past. He still does not reveal the whole truth, however.
  • There is a power struggle for the second in command of the dark side army.
  • The good guys have a critical meeting inside of a cantina on a planet in the far reaches of the galaxy. At least this cantina is not on the same planet that the protagonist lives.
  • This group, known as the New Order, have built a planet sized space vessel capable of destroying planets.
  • The good guys are a rag tag bunch that happens to have some of the best pilots. They destroy the so called “Starkiller” by finding and exploiting it’s single weakness against impossible odds.
  • The wise old guru is murdered by someone close to him in front of his friends who are all powerless to help him.
  • The protagonist and antagonist fight to a stand still as the battle to destroy “Starkiller” rages around them, concluding as the vessel begins to tear itself apart.
  • The protagonist finds a wise old Jedi master on a remote planet surrounded by water. Okay, so this one is more Episode V, but movies are also slightly longer on average than in the late 1970s/early 1980s.

In case all of that wasn’t obvious enough, my main complaint is that the movie is nearly an exact retelling of Episode IV. Okay, now for the excuse making. I will rebrand it as the good news after the bad news. First, they had to reintroduce the series for several reasons. One, I mentioned that I mostly enjoyed the prequels. Many others, to put it mildly, did not. In less sugar coated terms, most, by a wide margin, fans hated it with the fire of a thousand Starkiller beams. There is so much more for nerds in pop culture these days that fans might have abandoned Star Wars altogether for Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, or any one of the Marvel series on TV or Netflix. What better way to get fans back into it than by going back to where it all started and reboot the story as well as support.

solo-foot-1
I know, Captain Solo. I’m just as shocked as you that Star Wars nerds would turn their backs on the movies. But, it’s not the 1970s and 1980s anymore and the prophecies have come true. Nerds rule and jocks drool.

Two, those of us who have been there all along are getting old. It is harder to get us to buy the tie in merchandise, other than the video games. If those old farts are anything like me, they brought family and friends to the movie. My kids have already seen the original movies, but my other guest hadn’t. Perhaps by introducing them with a proper introduction, they are more likely to get hooked and revisit those first movies. Even if they don’t, they’re in now. They finally have a Star Wars that they can call their own. See, it’s a legitimate complaint, but one that makes sense if you just think about it.

Back to bad news. I talked about the final battle in the list of similarities Kylo Ren battles against Rey (the lead protagonist mentioned in that same list) after fighting against Finn (who I haven’t even mentioned yet and it’s not because I’m racist, which is exactly what a racist would say. Damn. Moving on.) and mortally wounding or killing him. After having just watched the movie, I discussed it with my cousin. I brought up that I felt it a little strange, and even a little convenient, that someone who had studied as a Jedi and then in the dark side for who knows how long lost to a woman who only hours earlier picked up a light saber for the first time. True, there is some ambiguity surrounding Rey’s history and parentage, but I still made the point to him. He replied, “Well, Kylo was shot in the side.” which is a plot development that I had overlooked in my excitement. That is actually a great explanation, Skywalker spawn or not. There are other inconsistencies like that, but that one bothered me the most.

Okay, Kylo, I guess you get a pass. Being shot in the side might prove to be a bit of a distraction from your epic lightsaber battle.
Okay, Kylo, I guess you get a pass. Being shot in the side might prove to be a bit of a distraction from your epic lightsaber battle.

Even so (good news), the inconsistencies aren’t as glaring as the original trilogy that could have been explained by the prequels, but were actually made worse in many cases. Add in the silly tinkering that he did when rereleasing the original movies and those things are an absolute mess now.

Other than those two minor complaints–that can honestly be made about any movies and especially sequels that have made it to the 7th movie, I enjoyed it and cannot wait for the next one. As soon as we left the theater and sat in the restaurant waiting for our pizza, I searched on the tablet to find the release date for Episode VIII. I was genuinely upset that we would have to wait another year and a half (now moved to two years) for the movie to be released. In our video on demand, binge-watching society, that is an eternity. Hopefully spoilers start showing up soon and I can at least find out if my theories are correct.

Until then, I suppose I still have some Clone Wars to watch. There is also the new series Rebels and I have to show my father in law the first six movies. There is the machete order to try there. Maybe I will see this one again. There is plenty of Star Wars fun to keep me busy until Christmas 2017.

Good news? There’s less than 700 days as I write this.

Bad news? There’s almost 700 days as I write this.

I feel the same feels, Pepe. That's why you always lead with the bad news. It's better to end on a good note.
I feel the same feels, Pepe. That’s why you always lead with the bad news. It’s better to end on a good note.

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Second Mario Movie: What We Know

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Introduction

What do we know about the second Mario movie? Well, we know there’s going to be one. That’s about it. They announced the news a couple of months ago on Mar10 day and followed up with little else.

What Do You Think About the Trailer

There is no trailer currently

Will It Be A Direct Sequel?

We don’t know that.

Will the Stars from the Original Return?

If it is a direct sequel. If not, maybe. But, we don’t know that.

What Will the Plot Be?

We don’t know that.

Will there Be Another Attempt at an EGOT?

“Peaches” nearly broke into the Billboard top 50. By charting, it made the song eligible for a Grammy. Jack Black’s performance of the song, along with his role as Bowser in the movie (which he easily can reprise in a TV show and Broadway musical adaptation) should have garnered him an Oscar nomination. So, in closing, we don’t know. But, we can hope.

When Will the Move be Released?

We do know that. April 2026. Wait, what? Not on Mar10 day? WTF.

The Verdict

The second Mario movie exists. Well, it will. The rest of it? Well, we don’t know that yet.

All of this information comes from nowhere. If you don’t believe me, follow the link.

2 Guys Get Spooky – Episode 1.02

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After the audio issue in the last episode, we decided to get together and record in person this time. Other than the gain on the microphone being a bit low while recording (easily remedied), everything came out much better. Enjoy 2 Guys Get Spooky.

First, we talk about childhood trauma related to horror movies. Then, we discuss a few other franchises before moving on to our favorite horror movie of all time. We both agree that it is Shaun of the Dead.

There’s a brief talk about television shows, mainly the Walking Dead. We both agree that the show never was that good and we even lost faith in the comic. But, Chris mentions some other comics that he likes in the horror genre. I never read many horror comics, so I let him take the wheel in this segment.

Finally, we talk about video games. Chris tells a story from when he first saw me playing Fatal Frame. We both think it is probably the scariest game out there. Chris hates Resident Evil much more than I do, so I let him get that out of his system.

Finally, we wrap up with the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror. No matter how much you think the Simpsons sucks now, the Halloween episode never disappoints. Thanks for listening to 2 Guys Get Spooky and we’ll talk to you again in a few weeks to discuss the new Ixalan set from Magic the Gathering.

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Across the Spider-Verse: Great, Good, Decent

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Introduction

I gave a bit of a spoiler to this article about a week ago with my ranking of the Spider-Man movies. I tried to cause a little bit of controversy, but proved to be rubbish at doing so. If you didn’t read that article, I put Across the Spider-Verse at number 3 behind the first Spider-Verse and Far From Home. I heard some people say that they considered this one the best Spider-Man movie of all time.

Why don’t I agree? For the clicks? Well, if that’s true, then it hasn’t worked. Also, I never perform simply for the reaction. All of my opnions, even the rotten ones, I come by honestly. So, what caused me to show (little horse racing humor for ya) this one?

The Decent

To Be Continued…: I mentioned this one in my rankings. I also wrote about the other topic that I included in this section. But, we wait to discuss that one further. First, I understand that cliffhangers at the end of movies used to be more commonplace. But, I feel like we grew out of that and figured out how to tell coherent and cohesive storied to avoid that fate.

I mean, even Infinity War that left on one of the biggest cliffhangers of all time felt like it stood on its own as a movie. Plus, Endgame gave us a time jump that made the end of Infinity War feel more like an ending. Building the snap into Endgame and then giving the time jump feels uglier to me. This ending feels more like the Back to the Future series, which I love. But, the seamless transition between movies just gives off bad vibes.

The Decent, Part 2

Too Much Story: Obviously, this follows from (or leads to) the previous. Trying to jam The Spot (especially when they transitioned him to massive Avengers level threat) and Miles as the ultimate threat to the multiverse into one movie feels like a bit much. I understand that these stories are intertwined and that writing them can be difficult.

A bit of an aside here, but hopefully I pull it off. I talked all kinds of shit about Brian Michael Bendis with Chris when I heard that Marvel planned on rebooting the Ultimate line. I tried to comment a couple of times on their social media that I hope they leave out cannibalistic Hulk and incestuous Maximoff siblings, but they deleted them. So, I discussed it with Chris. I said, “All I want is a viable 2099 reboot and they’re bringing back the Ultimates.” Then, “I mean, Ultimate Spidey launched BMB’s career, so isn’t that enough hate for one lifetime?” Well, I come not to bury, but actually praise Mr. Bendis. I think, as the godfather of the serialized trade format in comics, he’d figure out a way to separate the two stories if they gave him a chance.

The Good

Supporting Spider-People: Seeing Spider-Man 2099 in the post credit scene made me more excited that I’m willing to admit in public. Like the movie before it, in Across the Spider-Verse, Miles finds himself teaming with others who lived a life very much like his. Spider-Gwen (more in a minute) makes a return. They also follow The Spot and pick up Spider-Man: India, Spider-Man (Hobart Brown, don’t call him Spider-Punk!), and our friend Peter B. Parker from the original. Because I love Hobie and Spider-Man: India grew on me, I wish they gave them move screen time and the team up potential with the players from the first movie is too enticing. Perhaps in the next movie.

Spider-Gwen “Controversy”: I said several times to my family, “People are big mad because the trans community identified Gwen.” Now, I just read that they banned Across the Spider-Verse in UAE becase of the presence of the trans rights flag in the movie. Mind you, none of this is discussed outright in the movie. There are some subtle mentions like the flag above (the only time I even noticed it in the movie), a discussion where Gwen talks about living two lives (which can be interpreted as her spider life, but I can see where the trans community identify it otherwise), and the fact that as the movie progresses and the stress gets to her, her color scheme reflects the trans colors very prominently. So, stay mad if you must, but I’m here for all of it.

The Great

The Spot Evolved: After saying they did to much with the two stories, I feel compelled to come back and explain myself a bit. Don’t get me wrong. I love both stories. There are things I’d do differently about the movie and both stories, but I’m a frustrated author blabbing on a blog and they’re all making one of the greatest animated movies of all time. With that being said, The Spot went from a literal joke at the beginning of the movie to a character that I legitimately feared by the end. When they revealed his final form and he spoke, I got chills. Maybe that’s why I’m so mad about this. I can’t wait to see the smack down that he delivers.

Right Place, Right Time: When Christine and I watched the Across the Spider-Verse trailer, we both cried. That’s not news. Getting older and watching your kids grow up changes your perspective and, apparently, you cry at the drop of a hat. Both of us sobbed at the Alanis Morrissette musical, too. Well, watching the movie and seeing a family on screen that genuinely loves each other (and finally getting that from Gwen and her dad) gives me the warm and fuzzies all over. I don’t give too much credit to pop culture (but I do give it credit when due) but I’m glad to have been able to experience all of this with my own family and share it with them.

The Verdict

So, if you think I “dissed” Across the Spider-Verse in my rankings, hopefully I redemmed myself here. I enjoyed the movie. Very much. As I said, there are things I’d change about it on a fundamental level. I watched the first one again the other day and I can’t say the same about that one. It is just a perfectly crafted story from beginning to end. Again, perhaps I’ll revisit my rankings after the next one.

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Spider-Man Movies Ranked

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Introduction

I planned to release another episode of Ready Player One today. However, we have a surprise 40th birthday party for my brother in law. Besides, I started reading the chapters on Thursday at soccer and then never finished reading or writing up my summary and reponse notes. And, so, to make it up, I wrote my Spider-Man Movies Ranked list. Buckle up, there might be some controversy here.

Spider-Man Movies Ranked

10. Amazing Spider-Man 2 – I think we rewatched this one to get ready for No Way Home. Not as bad as I remember it, but definitely not good. Like Clone Wars, it will take something truly terrible to usurp this one.

9. Amazing Spider-Man 1 – Sandwiched between a good Tobey Maguire performance and the politics that ended that series and the rejuvenation of the character with Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield never stood a chance with me. And, to this day, he remains #NotMySpiderMan. Granted, like Doc Ock, Sandman, and Electro, No Way Home went a long way to rehabilitating him with me. Hell, I even cheered when he got redemption by saving MJ. All of that being said, though, I still refuse to watch these movies.

8. Spider-Man 3– We all remember this one. At the very least, we all remember the emo dance scene. This one also introduced Venom and referenced the Spidey No More story. I know that Raimi wanted to tell all these stories and got a bit steamrolled by the studio. Given at least one more movie, he could have spread them out a bit better. But, trying to do too much will get you in trouble every time.

7. Spider-Man 2 – I’m gonna be honest. I don’t remember this one at all. Oh, it’s the Doc Ock one. Well, I think that they made the Doc Ock character so much more relatable and enjoyable in No Way Home and that’s how I will remember the character from now on. Being forgettable lands you in this spot.

6. Far From Home – My least favorite of the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies so far. I liked the Mysterio angle, but the story just dragged for me and it feels like they were going a little too hard in the wrong direction with this one. I’m glad they altered the course in No Way Home and brought back fun loving Spidey.

5. Homecoming – Spider-Man in the MCU? Finally? When I saw Holland as Spider-Man, that cinched it. He played the role perfectly and he is #MySpiderMan. As I wrote above, with Miles, he brought hope and joy back to the role. The two Amazing movies explored too much of the dark side of the character and the comics have followed suit in some ways. I don’t want dark and brooding Spider-Man and I’m glad they took Ben Reilly to task in the latest movie.

4. Spider-Man – Really, this might be a tie with Homecoming or Homecoming is actually slightly above this one. But, I wanted to give this movie its due credit. I’ve mentioned more than once, but I grew up in a time when Hollywood didn’t give comics any credit. Granted, the old guard still bangs that drum. But, the comic book movies coming out today owe a great debt to Sam Raimi and the amazing job that he did bringing Spider-Man to the big screen in a respectable way.

3. Across the Spider-Verse – So, why don’t I agree that this one should be number 1? While I agree that it is an amazing movie, here’s how I framed my argument earlier. I just think they tried to tell too many stories in this one. Also, “to be continued…”? I know we used to do that a lot with movies, but I feel like that era is gone. If they split the stories better, I think they could have wrapped up with the one major story (Spot) while concluding the Miles as a major multiversal threat in the next one. Like Aiden said, I’m sure once the other one comes out, it will feel like a more cohesive story. And, who knows, maybe I’ll revisit this after that

2. No Way Home – Those of you who think that Across is the best are having a bit of a conniption right now. What can I say? I got caught up in nostalgia just like everyone else. Plus, between Miles and Holland’s Spider-Man, they brought hope back to him and made him the hero that I remember growing up with. Leave the brooding for other heroes. I want my Spidey happy and healthy in spite of his hardships.

1. Into the Spider-Verse – I know this might be a controversial opinion. Some people, including some in my own home, consider Across the Spider-Verse as the best Spider-Man movie they’ve seen. Aiden and I were just talking on the way to pick up his girlfriend and I said, “I think I like the first one better.” He sighed, agreed, and said, “I didn’t want to say anything yesterday, but I do, too.”

The Verdict

As with all of these things, this Spider-Man Movies Ranked list is subjective and subject to change. If you disagree, I’d love to have a conversation why. I still have to have the talk with Liam about why he likes this one so much. I tend to think it’s recency bias, but I love having these discussions.

Cover image taken from Polygon.

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The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Great, Good, Decent

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Introduction

I wrote in my previous article, a review of the Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves move, that young me crelebrated the release of the movie and current me enjoyed the viewing immensely. It bears repeating. We grew up in a time when nerd culture got no respect from television and movie producers. They thought, just as with cartoons, that stuff is for kids and we should gear it towards kids. Granted, the animated entertainment provided us with something at least. Nothing at the time, though, came close to the production value of Honor Among Thieves or The Super Mario Bros Movie (click the “?” box).

It’s a me, a sexy smolder.

I know that other web sites surely have gone into the how and why this happened now. I’m not all that interested in any of that. I just enjoy the fact that they gave us good, quality entertainment that we can share with our kids. Ah, there it is. That just triggered something cynical in me. But, you know what? I’m going to ignore it and bring the usual (possibly toxic) positivity that we’re know for here at 2 Generations Gaming.

Decent

Training Montage: When Mario agrees to embark on the journey with Peach, she trains him in the ways of the Mushroom Kingdom. I appreciated the nod to other action movies and the tongue in cheek treatment. Even though it made little sense in the context of lore, I hope I proved in the D&D movie article that matters little to me.

Peaches, Peaches: All most people talked about (at least according to the article that stated, “After the Mario movie, this is all anyone is talking about!”) after the movie is the Jack Black song peaches. I heard about it before the movie because of just such an article. However, I saved the song until I actually saw the movie. It didn’t disappoint. After the movie, I made my family laugh by mentioning that it hit the top 100 and, therefore, qualified for Grammy status.

Good

Lumalee: This movie introduced us to nihilist Lumalee, the star companion from the Super Mario Galaxy series. I laughed and laughed with every line that came out of the adorable Nietzsche wannabe. Granted, I have a dark sense of humor as a optimistic pessimist. But, I think everyone can find something lovable in the darkness that is Lumalee’s attitude towards it all.

I know that! I also wrote about this phenomenon in the Honor Among Thieves article. However, being able to catch even a fraction of the easter eggs in the movie made me very happy. What brought me more joy was that my kids were all there to point them out either during the movie or after we left the theater.

Great

Donkey Kong: All of the characters lived up to expectations. I know some (probably literally nobody other than douche bags trying to make money with “content”) derided the movie as “woke” because they portrayed peach as a “strong independent woman who don’t need no man”. Other than that, every time a character appeared on screen, it put a smile on my face. In my opinion, one voice actor went above and beyond to bring his character to life. And, he basically just played himself like he does in nearly every movie. Like Robert Downey Jr. before as Iron Man before him, Seth Rogan was born to play DK.

Kids/Nostalgia: More and more I admit to being bit by the nostalgia bug. More and more I realize that it bites me because of my kids. We went to see this one while on vacation in the Berkshires for Quinn’s birthday. Unlike many family outings lately, every single one of our boys chose to join us without a fight. During the movie, Liam wore a smile on his face that indicated that some of his greatest memories came to life on that screen. I think I wrote in an earlier article that sometimes brings me pause that fictional characters mean so much to us. But, then I shut up that part of my brain and enjoy what I enjoy. Helping to bring that same joy to our kids makes everything else feel small by comparison.

The Verdict

Great super hero movies? For the most part, check. I give DC a pass and often turn off my brain enough to enjoy them even if I know they’re not very good. Plus, James Gunn? We’ll see. Live action (and CGI, of course) Dungeons and Dragons that delivers? Check. Amazing video game movies? Well, it remains to be seen if Nintendo can do it with other franchises, but they delivered with The Super Mario Bros movie.